.

[Climbing Rose]

.

Edited by Climbing Rose - 5/11/11 at 5:01pm

[Liquesce]

It is, in short, a friendship not worth maintaining.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Liquesce 

It is, in short, a friendship not worth maintaining.

That.

I would stop even bothering with that family. They obviously don't respect other peoples desire to not get horribly sick.

[Wild Lupine]

Originally Posted by Liquesce 

It is, in short, a friendship not worth maintaining.

Exactly. They don't respect your family's needs and wishes, and have been blatantly dishonest with you. Why would you want to maintain it?

[Lisa1970]

I would end that friendship.

[DariusMom]

Wow. That's crazy.

I'm not someone who would cancel a playdate because of a mild cold or something but; 1) I would actually cancel if I knew the other family felt strongly about it; 2) I would never lie about it; and 3) this was hardly a mild cold or case of the sniffles PLUS you all were clearly in a vulnerable position (pregnant, dental work, moving) which you explained to them.

I don't think I'd continue seeing them.

[Bellabaz]

Okay, so i am that person who sometimes forgets to mention a cold, because to me it is not "sick". However none of my friends have problems with colds either. Having said that this sounds like a family worth distancing yourselves from. Sorry you aer all suffering now with these symptoms. Good luck and some healing vibes

[Doodlebugsmom]

I can't get past the fact that they would feel like having company if they were that sick! Crazy.

[mamazee]

I wouldn't remain friends with them anyway.  That was very disrespectful.  A cold, I could see, but not a situation like that at all.

[oaktreemama]

 They believe that is somehow trying to live in a bubble and that people are going to get sick anyway. 

Argh. I hate this justification. Yes going out in public means we are exposed to lots and lots of germs. But, that doesn't mean we shouldn't be taking common sense approaches to these kinds of things. And part of that is if you or your child are very sick with a fever and vomiting DON'T INVITE PEOPLE OVER.

Sorry for yelling but this is a huge pet peeve of mine.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by DariusMom 

Wow. That's crazy.

I'm not someone who would cancel a playdate because of a mild cold or something but; 1) I would actually cancel if I knew the other family felt strongly about it; 2) I would never lie about it; and 3) this was hardly a mild cold or case of the sniffles PLUS you all were clearly in a vulnerable position (pregnant, dental work, moving) which you explained to them.

I don't think I'd continue seeing them.

DItto to this. I'm usually not into avoiding illness but if any of my friends are (or are clearly in a position of vulnerability, like you guys are), I absolutely respect that. These people are not your friends. Friends do not lie to you or blatantly disregard your wishes. I would not spend time with them anymore, and if they ask you can say outright that you don't want to get sick & you can't trust them to tell you if they are sick. There is just no excuse for the way they are treating you.

[Peony]

 These people are not your friends. Friends do not lie to you or blatantly disregard your wishes. I would not spend time with them anymore, and if they ask you can say outright that you don't want to get sick & you can't trust them to tell you if they are sick. There is just no excuse for the way they are treating you.

I agree. While these may be people that you enjoy or generally like, they flat out lied when asked if they were ill. They are showing you plan as day that unless you want to be sick every time you see them, you can not be friends with them. 

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

Originally Posted by DariusMom 

Wow. That's crazy.

I'm not someone who would cancel a playdate because of a mild cold or something but; 1) I would actually cancel if I knew the other family felt strongly about it; 2) I would never lie about it; and 3) this was hardly a mild cold or case of the sniffles PLUS you all were clearly in a vulnerable position (pregnant, dental work, moving) which you explained to them.

I don't think I'd continue seeing them.

DItto to this. I'm usually not into avoiding illness but if any of my friends are (or are clearly in a position of vulnerability, like you guys are), I absolutely respect that. These people are not your friends. Friends do not lie to you or blatantly disregard your wishes. I would not spend time with them anymore, and if they ask you can say outright that you don't want to get sick & you can't trust them to tell you if they are sick. There is just no excuse for the way they are treating you.

Oh man, what these ladies said.  I would also send an email involving language not permitted on MDC about what kind of people I think they are.  I'm really not good with people lying to me.  That's a complete deal breaker.  I am currently hiding at home with my two kids because we all have a nasty cold/flu but there isn't vomiting or anything like that.  I still don't think that anyone (especially not my pregnant friends!!) needs to suffer through this.  Oh man.  I can't express what I feel because it violates the UA up one side and down the other.  I'm really angry on your behalf.  I'm so sorry.

[dalia]

I would probably ease my family away from them as well, but I think if you are/were their friend you need to be honest with them. If you are, then they can maybe learn from the situation, but more importantly you will feel better about it. That last paragraph in your op, if I were you I would be saying that directly to the mother. It was perfect.

As far as her just justifying it, whether she does or not doesn't matter. What matters is that you showed her what a real friend does. Real friends are honest with each other. I know it's hard because you don't like confrontation, but in my experience when you end a friendship and the other person doesn't know why, it kinda leaves this "thing" in your life that is never done. JMHO. I hope you all feel better soon!

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by Love 

Anyway, so they invited us over around Christmas.  I didn't want to go, but DH talked to the other dad, and the dad said they were all feeling great, no worries, etc.  I even had DH tell the other dad that we didn't want to get sick right now because 1) I am pregnant, 2) we are moving, 3) we have a baby and a toddler, 4) we have dental work coming up that can't be put off.  But he said they were all just fine.

I cannot wrap my head around what kind of person would say this when they are obviously sick. I just don't get it.  Is he that out of tune w/his family?

I am the type of person who even w/some sniffles, or allergies we *think* are allergies but youneverknowitcouldbeacold, will tell my friends/family and then let them decide what they are comfortable with.  Maybe that comes from having 4 kids and understanding how long it can take for "just a cold" to go through every.single.person in the family, I dunno.  Good grief, some people...

I have a friend I miss terribly.  She lives an hour away and we never get to see each other because of conflicting schedules.  She's the only person in my life who gets all the little things (er, big things) about having a larger family.  She just gets it.  Anyway, we have been trying to get our families together for quite awhile now, but someone keeps getting sick.  Christmas time it was flu, 2 weekends ago it was their son who hadn't passed the 48 hr rule (no going anywhere for 48 hrs after vommiting), which I really, really respect.  Last weekend it was finances, but this weekend it is probably going to be us bowing out.  We've got a tummy bug and although I think it's hit everyone it's going to hit, I'm worried it will be a bad decision to have their large family out here--staying overnight too.  I will certainly be talking to her about it, though!

I guess, OP, that I wouldn't want to be friends anymore.  I have to say, though, that I would say what I needed to say to her/them first, and give it another chance (because you do enjoy them).  Next time we got together I would walk in, take a look at everyone, then decide if I'd bring in my kids.  How could she blame you?  If she lies to you again about it, you and your dh need to make a firm decision about it, and let them know.

[tinuviel_k]

I would be unable to remain friends with anyone who did not respect me enough to tell me the truth about something they KNOW was important to me. I would cut off the friendship and I would tell them why. Sure, they are going to argue with you and probably blame you. So what? You do not deserve to have friends that lie for their own convenience at the expense of your family's health.

[erinsmom1996]

I agree with other posters. I would tell them very clearly why I was upset and why I was no longer going to be friendly with them. They have no consideration or respect for other people!

[ancoda]

That really is not respectful at all of you and your family.  Some of us do live more in a bubble then others of us and that in itself should be respected.  I do not know anyone who goes out of their way to expose themselves and their family to some horrid flu.   I am in the group that says this friendship is not worth maintaining, and I probably would tell them directly why I am no longer willing to associate with them. 

I hope you are able to get well soon.

[Storm Bride]

My whole take on being exposed to illness is usually 180 degrees from the majority on MDC. And, even I find this just beyond obnoxious. You specifcally asked about their health. You told them all your reasons for really, really, really not wanting to be ill right now. They flat out lied to you. That's just sooooo messed up. I have to agree with other posters. I think I'd be inclined to end this particular friendship.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I have to admit to you that at certain points in your post, I was so befuddled at their behavior that I actually laughed. This is so BIZARRE! This behavior is absolutely unreal. You can't be friends with people who would treat you like this....I've never even HEARD of anything  like this before.  Get better mama...I'm so sorry you are sick with so much on your plate. That stinks. :(