. - Page 3

[Lisa1970]

I am really sorry. I know how hard it can be to walk from an otherwise good relationship over something, but I think you need to. You cannot trust them. Seriously though, if they took the bullet for you, how much will it matter while you have pneumonia for it? They are SENDING you bullets!
 

Originally Posted by Love 

Okay, so DH is out and just ran into the family that got us sooo sick.

He told them how bad off we have been (my ribs still hurt, I can't breathe through my nose, DH is hacking, no sleep, all the kids, etc.) but they already knew because of mutual friends.

The other dad was pretty quiet, but the mom apologized.  She said she was so sorry, and sorry that we are so 'sensitive to sicknesses' like we are.  (The whole irony of that is *they* are the ones that are truly always sick, and we are never sick unless we hang out with them, and they know it.)

Then she suggested that instead of catching it from them (although she said it is was possible) that maybe we caught it from a store that we hadn't been to.  Okay...?

Then she made a reference to last winter when my family was supposedly sick for three months straight- and DH reminded her no, we *weren't sick at all*, we simply hadn't seen *them* for three months straight to *avoid* getting sick (and it worked 100%!).

So then DH told her he had better get going because he was really busy, and he also told them it was our fault too for not leaving *immediately* on that day.

I still wish someone would just apologize for blantently *lying,* but I guess I have to take what they can offer.

They invited us over this weekend, and DH was like NOOOOOOOOO!!!

I feel weird about it because these are people that would basicly do anything for us (those kind of really good take-a-bullet-for-you friends) with the exception of they obviously can't be bothered to say, "Well, since you asked twice, I guess I should mention we *do* have high fevers, diareah, vomiting, hacking cough, and miserable noses, infections, and we can't shake it..."  Sigh.

Someday when I have time I can tell the whooping cough story and their pink eye story.

But for now, I think we are just going to steer really clear of them, and we are moving far enough that it shouldn't be an issue anymore.

I will miss them, but NOT this. 

I'm sad, but honestly at the same time it is so rediculous that I almost want to laugh at the absurdness myself.

[meemee]

love i can understand where the other family is coming from. 

if one is continually sick - something always up - then that family can NEVER do anything. not go over, not invite over anyone. 

so i really feel for them. its a hard place to be. when you cant do anything because for you sick is normal.

but it seems its a whole different attitude the mom has that really disgusts me. 

esp. when you asked. 

i am sorry they are the 'die for you' family, i am sorry you are losing an otherwise good friendship, but really you dont want a 'keep you company in sickness' either. 

it is an extremely disrespectful attitude to have. honestly. their friendship is far too giving than you like - or anyone for that matter.

esp. pregnant. PREGNANT. who does that to a pregnant lady ya know. to a child older than 3 months - danger period kinda over, but a pregnant mommy. noooooooooo!!!

i wonder what makes the mom so defensive. why is she so passive aggressive. 

even with our kids being 8 we always let the other parent know if our child is sick to give them an option to cancel. 

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by meemee 

love i can understand where the other family is coming from. 

if one is continually sick - something always up - then that family can NEVER do anything. not go over, not invite over anyone. 

so i really feel for them. its a hard place to be. when you cant do anything because for you sick is normal.

but it seems its a whole different attitude the mom has that really disgusts me. 

This. I am sick a lot. Almost never something contagious, but I am always sick, and have been since I was a kid, though it's gotten better in recent years. It's hard to do... anything. I don't usually cancel outings when I'm sick, because I'd never get to do ANYTHING. The line between 'contagious illness' and 'just allergies/non-contagious sick' has blurred a lot for me (which was only encouraged by years of forcing myself to go to school/work no matter how sick I was, because I had already missed many days). So I really, truly do understand where Sick Family might be coming from, especially if 'always sick' is multiplied times 5 (or however many are in their family!) I'm lucky my DH & DS are rarely sick, otherwise we would literally be housebound! I go stir-crazy! And of course they are defensive -- they know they got you sick, & they feel horrible, but admitting it would mean no more getting together when sick, and that probably scares them to death...

But that being said... and despite the fact that I no longer try to avoid getting sick (which has seemed to help me as well as benefit DS!)... I would never in a million years do what your 'friends' have done to you. I'm so sorry your are losing otherwise good friends because of this.

[chaoticzenmom]

I can see your "new friend" questionnaire now.  Will you or have you ever intentionally exposed friends to horrific communicable diseases?  If you are coughing and a friend asks if you're healthy enough for a playdate, what would be your response?  Do you believe in Germ Theory and if not, please explain?

Funny about clearing out a table of 30...and sad.

[The4OfUs]

meemee and crunchy_mommy, there's "sick", and then there's fever/diarrhea/junky cough.  I continue with business as usual when we have colds, which in some winters has been near constant for a few months.  But when there is a fever/diarrhea/vomiting/junky cough/copious dripping of hideous neon snot or a child wants to just lay around, well then we keep it to ourselves, and I can't quite believe that there are people who keep going on as usual with that kind of stuff going on and call that "normal".  I mean, if they knew enough to tell their toddler to stay away from other kids (which, yeah, that's really gonna happen) then they knew enough that it was something gross and contagious. 

[sapphire_chan]

Yeah, as soon as they told their toddler to stay away from the visiting kids that pushed things from "clueless and inconsiderate" to "malicious lying".

[limabean]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

there's "sick", and then there's fever/diarrhea/junky cough.

Yep. And also, there's people who know their circle of friends are okay with getting together despite mild illnesses, and then there's people who intentionally lie even when asked directly about being sick. These people are just in a whole different realm. I mean, this is MDC and where there's a wide range of comfort levels regarding illness, and yet there's 100% agreement that this family's actions are over the line. 

[mamazee]

It seems just selfish to me.  They want fun, and they don't care how it affects the people they're with, or how it affects their own children, because it's no fun to have people over when you're that sick so their kids can't be enjoying it either.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

meemee and crunchy_mommy, there's "sick", and then there's fever/diarrhea/junky cough.  I continue with business as usual when we have colds, which in some winters has been near constant for a few months.  But when there is a fever/diarrhea/vomiting/junky cough/copious dripping of hideous neon snot or a child wants to just lay around, well then we keep it to ourselves, and I can't quite believe that there are people who keep going on as usual with that kind of stuff going on and call that "normal".  I mean, if they knew enough to tell their toddler to stay away from other kids (which, yeah, that's really gonna happen) then they knew enough that it was something gross and contagious. 

I will totally admit it -- I've gone to school or work with fevers. I would continue as normal if I have a cough, runny nose, etc. In fact one of the only things that keeps me home is a migraine -- and only because I get partial blindness & half my body goes numb so I truly can't function (especially to drive!) I just have gotten used to going about my business because I had to, contagious or not.

However, since DS was born (and I've talked to other moms), my perspective on this has changed quite a bit. For my own sake & my family's, I really see no need to limit exposure to illness in general, though I was worried about it when DS was a newborn so I sort of get where others are coming from. MDC especially has alerted me to the fears others have about being around sick kids. And because of that, I'm now much more cautious around others, even though I don't really fully understand it. But many things still don't stop us -- if I know I'm not going to be around anyone pregnant/newborn/immunocompromised, we often do go out, because it is better for us -- we recover quicker & it distracts us from our misery. But, like I said, I would never lie about it, or intentionally expose someone who I knew was trying to limit exposure, etc.

Originally Posted by limabean 

Yep. And also, there's people who know their circle of friends are okay with getting together despite mild illnesses, and then there's people who intentionally lie even when asked directly about being sick. These people are just in a whole different realm. I mean, this is MDC and where there's a wide range of comfort levels regarding illness, and yet there's 100% agreement that this family's actions are over the line. 

Yes, this.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

meemee and crunchy_mommy, there's "sick", and then there's fever/diarrhea/junky cough.  I continue with business as usual when we have colds, which in some winters has been near constant for a few months.  But when there is a fever/diarrhea/vomiting/junky cough/copious dripping of hideous neon snot or a child wants to just lay around, well then we keep it to ourselves, and I can't quite believe that there are people who keep going on as usual with that kind of stuff going on and call that "normal".  I mean, if they knew enough to tell their toddler to stay away from other kids (which, yeah, that's really gonna happen) then they knew enough that it was something gross and contagious. 

oh i agree. when i said sick i meant horrible contagious sick. 

it still makes me feel for them. can you imagine continuing to be cooped inside the house because someone is always horribly sick/contagious. 

so i feel sad for that family and in some ways can understand why they behave the way they do. i can empathise with their actions. but it doesnt mean i approve. 

but its not ok to insist upon others. just coz i have a belief, an attitude - no matter what it is - sickness, abortion, pop tarts - its one thing to believe in it and a whole other thing to impose that on others. that's so not cool. 

[camracrazy]

Honestly, there seems to be a lot of this attitude going around lately.

We used to go to a homeschool co-op. Some members complained about people bringing their kids when the kids (or parent) was obviously sick. So we had an e-mail discussion about it, and I would say 1/3 to 1/2 the people said they didn't have a problem with bringing their kids when they were sick. One mom blatantly stated that she didn't care if her kids were sick, no matter what they had, and if they wanted to come to co-op then they were coming to co-op. We stopped going after a combination of that AND the fact that they didn't tell us that the building we were meeting in had an on going mold problem. My middle dd and I both have lung disease and breathing in mold can be very harmful to us. I got very sick and guess what I was diagnosed with? Aspergillis growing in my lungs. I have been battling it for more than 2 years.

We also have a family at church that comes every week no matter what. The oldest girl, who is about 6 now, will come in and tell everyone, "I've had diarrhea ALL day" or they will all have nasty hacking coughs. We have left church because my kids are in same bible class as them and there is no way I want my kids trapped in a tiny classroom with someone who is that sick. Not to mention that at those ages (6 and I think the next youngest is 4-5) they don't always have great hand-washing skills, don't remember to cover their coughs, or will cough or sneeze all over their hands than then touch everything around them! It's not the fault of the sick kid of course, but it irks me that I have to disappoint my healthy kids and make them leave because the sick kid has clueless parents.

[Climbing Rose]

.

Edited by Climbing Rose - 5/11/11 at 5:21pm

[Storm Bride]

I get that they have a different view of being sick and living life than many do (ie. the "not going to live in a bubble" thing). My friends and family are actually very similar to them in that respect. I'm more cautious than I used to be, as MDC has made me much more aware of potential issues with compromised immune systems and such. Honestly - I can even see not twigging that they should avoid a pregnant woman, because I've never wanted people to avoid me if they're sick when I'm pregnant (I mean - unless it's rubella or something). But, I just can't get past the fact that they flat out lied about being sick when they were asked straight out. That's just soooooo unreasonable!

[sapphire_chan]

Sounds like they don't actually get sick that often, they just stay sick for a hugely long time because they don't do things to assist in healing. 

[Adaline'sMama]

I think your friends are crazy. My family stays doesnt stay home with a cold, but with a real fever, upset stomach, ect, we not only stay home, but we tell everyone we are sick and to not come over. I have found that I am one of the more lax people that I know about germs, and I find their behavior to be totally offensive. I would confront them about the lying and tell them that for a while I only want to meet in public places (where you can easily leave or be away from their kids). I suggest letting her know that your trust has be violated and will need to be rebuilt, otherwise the friendship is going to fail.

[Agatha_Ann]

We are pretty careful about being around sick people. When I am pregnant I get sick if I hear about someone being sick! My youngest also had RSV when he was 10 days old, and had scarring to his lungs. When he gets sick it hits him a lot harder than it would had that never happened. I would be livid if I asked someone the way your family did and they lied like that.

My DH has cousins who are really selfish and insensitive when it comes to illness, but they are opposite of your friends. They will send an email right before they leave their house to come visit (they live out of town) "Dear Family, FYI...DD has polio and DS has small pox, see you soon!" It makes us SO mad! A couple times they have been confronted and they will say, well we told you before we came! Ok, so all the healthy people have to stay home because you are insanely rude?

I hope you find better (and healthier!) friends after your move, OP. Feel better soon.