Do we have a chat thread this week? I could sure use one! - Page 3

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by Buddhamom 

It is funny how some will start their little ones off in onesies and others like me need long sleeves due to location

I'll end up getting some long sleeves for outside night times and store shopping and I live in the blue ridge of NC. Maybe a jacket though I never like the ones that zip for teeny babies. I hesitate to buy too much since my last babe was a giant and didn't fit into anything as I expected her to. 

[BHappy]

Originally Posted by calynde 


Buddhamom...the swiss always dress babies warmly despite the season, and since i've had my babies here, so do i! My second was born end of july and he still wore a little wool/silk pilot cap everyday for his first months.

 

 i do the same as well!

[MaryElizabeth]

Speaking of clothes, I have been getting great deals at - The Children's Place.com --> clearance sale plus a 15% coupon with retailmenot1c

77kids.com--> clearance and super cute clothes especially for boys!

oldnavy.com-->25% off everything with coupon savebig1

I also scoured the clearance rack at target and scored big time. I lucked out with finding things in newborn sizes as well through 6-9 months winter clothes!

Has anyone else been shopping lately?

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth 

I lucked out with finding things in newborn sizes as well through 6-9 months winter clothes!

I was so tempted to buy winter baby things a few days ago but my last baby was 23" and didn't fit into anything I bought in advance. I basically wasted a ton of money trying to save money. 

[nikie23]

I haven't been baby-shopping, I've been baby-sewing!  We still don't know boy or girl, so I'm just making a bunch of cute unisex stuff - little jumpers and onesies.  I'm pretty sure my babe will be around 8 lbs and 21-22" (my family is very consistent), but just in case I've been making everything in the 3-6 mos size.  That way if they're a little big, s/he'll just be able to wear them longer. 

[MaryElizabeth]

That was my fear! But we are relocating to OK in the fall so I'm hoping that even if he has to wear them a little early, the frigid cold of that area will allow it. My DD was 8.13/ 21 inches when she was born and wore preemie onesies for the first 6 weeks or so. I'm hoping the same goes for this little baby boy!

[kawa kamuri]

We had the circumcision discussion. It went worse than I would have ever imagined 

[Snowflake777]

Originally Posted by kawa kamuri 

We had the circumcision discussion. It went worse than I would have ever imagined 

 Oh mama! :( That sucks. What did he say?

At least you have a few more months to work it out...

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by Snowflake777 

 Oh mama! :( That sucks. What did he say?

At least you have a few more months to work it out...

Thanks. 

I knew from previous quips that he, like many American men who were themselves circumcised, was pro-circ. I never pushed the point as I didn't want to argue. We could have easily made another girl baby. This is the 1st I've brought it up since finding out we're expecting a son. He presented some commonly held misconceptions, I told him the facts. He wasn't interested in reading anything and was shockingly ugly and dismissive. I told him we could talk it over with the MW next month, talk with the pediatrician. He wasn't interested.

This is his 1st son, my 4th. My others were circumcised  I didn't know any better, have access to the resources that I do today, trusted the people with seemingly more knowledge than I. I can't even talk about it without crying. He laughed a lot! I felt discounted. I've even apologised to my sons who are old enough to talk about it. He laughed and said I'm hormonal. I am, of course, but it has nothing to do with leaving our sons penis as is or my regret. I was shocked that, rather than talking, he'd rather remain willfully ignorant and concede. He won't push me to do it which is great because it's a hill to die on for me, an over my dead body issue. He said I'll do what I want no matter what he says or wants so I might as well pick our sons name by myself too. He then left and has been gone for hours. I feel angry, hurt, shocked and distant.   

[BHappy]

kawa, i'm so sorry. i truly hope that he will come around and that his reaction is just that: a reaction. of course you want him to agree to no circ because its a good idea, the right thing for your son, not because he's resentful. i do hope he will come to that place. soon.

xo

[Mamatoabunch]

I am so sorry. I thank God our twins were not boys, I am sure I would have followed the norm. Our boys are not circ'ed and dh is. It took time for him to realize the value of leaving their penis be. It matters so little now, the boys never even ask about differences between them. Honestly, all the boys look different in regards to their penis, it just doesn't matter. My dh though is pretty much let me decide stuff which is good, but sometimes I am left to decide everything.

[amaayeh]

Kawa - I'm so, so sorry.  That really was not fair for him to act that way, however, I have heard it is a common reaction.  I read this blog once (I think I found it on the circumcision board) by a guy who said what it was like for a man to be presented with this information, although factual, may make the man feel like what you are saying is that his penis is inferior, not doing a good job, etc.  They can't help but take it personally, even though it wasn't their choice.  It's also coming to terms with that, too.  It was something done to him without his consent and there is nothing he can do to take it back.  He may not even realize that either.  The fact that your older boys are circumcised probably doesn't make him feel like is something you believe in as you wouldn't have done it to your older boys.  Now, a rational person (and one that has BTDT in the sense of trusting 'others' around you) would know that this is NOT brought on by hormones, but instead by education.  It's really that simple.  He may see you apologizing to your older boys and again, taking that personally as well.  Like something is wrong with him.

It may take time and like you said, this is an issue that isn't just going to go away.  I do understand the need to be on the same page with him, though, so you won't ever feel like you are fighting against him about the issue.  I hope it gets better soon!

[Bald_Bull's_Mama]

Will he watch any videos on the topic? We were on the fence before our Bradley birth class. The instructor offered videos to anyone who wanted to borrow them. We did and watched them. It's really unbearable. Maybe when he sees the actual procedure, done with no measure of pain control, he'll change his mind? Also, Penn and Teller (the magicians) used to have a show called Bullshit, where they debunked things. They had a really good episode on circ where they basically said the circ'ing is bullshit. Maybe you become big fans of that show, get a few discs on Netflix, watch a couple of other episodes together, then, Oh, that's weird, we were just talking about this issue...

[weliveintheforest]

Or instead of borrowing a video, maybe you can ask your midwife to show it during an appt down the road.  Maybe give her a heads up about it?

this may be something your dh cares less about down the road.  If he seems okay when he comes home, maybe just don't bring it up again.

[Snowflake777]

Hugs kawa. That would really upset & frustrate me too. People often react like that the first time something commonly accepted is brought to their attention as being something unusual. There are plenty of things both me & my DH (especially DH!) dismissed as hippie nonsense before we actually had kids and had reason to question and do some research. Give him time and he may surprise you.

[kawa kamuri]

Thank you all so much for your wisdom, suggestions and support. Ya'll taking the time to be here for me means so very much.  

I think I'll leave the subject as is though I'm fairly sure it'll come up in the next few months at one of my appointments in the form of the MW chatting about us having a son. I'd hope so anyway! It's a great opportunity to inform parents of something they may not otherwise consider i.e. leaving the penis alone. I do appreciate that my DP, even if he can't agree with me, respects that it's something I feel strongly about and allows me (and our son) the freedom of choice here. I read about husbands often being pushy on the subject so I'm grateful to not have to go through it myself. He saw how upset I got and is always very careful to keep me emotionally balanced not only because he cares for me but because I am filled up with our baby.

I was surprised at his reactions because, if anything, he's way more crunchy than I am. I don't know what I was expecting and for sure don't understand what it's like to be a man and to have to grapple with all that they do when circumcised and facing the choice for their own sons. He did feel somewhat defeated and a sense of pointlessness to the talk because there wasn't a choice to be made - our babe will remain as is - I just wanted him to agree that I'm right. Maybe not the greatest approach on my end. Anyhow, he's taken the small kids away for the morning which is, I believe,  his way of making up for leaving me last night and giving me a moment to breathe.  

[nikie23]

After reading stories by women whose husbands basically said "we're doing this, and if you say no I'll just take him to the hospital myself", I'm very glad that your DP isn't one of those.  :) 

I agree with pp about watching a video with him, but they're pretty awful.  I found this one a little while ago (not sure where, maybe linked in the circ boards?), and I was nauseous and lightheaded by about 30 seconds in.  So maybe that's something that would be better to watch when (if?) he's closer to being on-the-fence about the decision, rather than clearly pro.  Also, I found this essay on another thread that sounds similar to what amaayeh was talking about; maybe reading it will give you some ideas for talking to DP in a way that he will be more receptive to?

[Buddhamom]

I have all girls so I have no experience with this so I just watched that video and all I can say is OMG!  I started crying and had to turn it off.  Just the strapping down made my upset!  I feel for those of you that have this decision to contend with.

[amaayeh]

I have a question for you ladies regarding this subject...I have a friend that is having a son.  I have no idea her beliefs on the issue, but she was open to using a midwife and is doing so.  However, I'm 'concerned' she isn't informed, but do not know this to be true.  I don't want to email her directly with information so I posted it on my blog.  I'm not sure if she still reads that or not.  Any other ideas on how to put the information out there gently?

[MaryElizabeth]

Basically the convo between me and my DH went the same way. It was really shocking to see how strongly he felt about having him circumcised. I realized I was getting nowhere and told him that this was on his hands and he would be the one to take him to get it done and be the one caring for it until it "heals". I also let him know that if anything should go wrong, physically or emotionally that it is also on him. There was nothing else I could do. I'm praying that he will over time succumb to my pleading and actually take the research to heart!