Looking for permission to wean...

[revolting]

I hate nursing my daughter. She is almost four years old, and I have hated nursing her for over a year and a half at this point, ever since I became pregnant with my son. When I was pregnant, I told myself that it would get easier when I had the baby. Once I had my son, I chalked it up to the initial growing pains of adding a new baby to the house. That baby will turn one in a few weeks, and I still hate it, and sometimes that resentment about doing something I  _really_ hate spills over into other parts of our relationship. It's just, now that I've nursed so long, I would hate it to end with tantrums and tears. I had always envisioned a nice, gentle weaning. But she is nowhere close to being ready to wean, and I'm starting to wonder how many years I have to wait.

[lovebeingamomma]

You might assume that it will end it tears, but how do you know?  When I decided (with no input from my children!) that I was DONE...I just stopped...and they never asked to nurse again.  I was wrestling over it like you are, thinking, oh no what am I doing, my baby will hate me...but it turned out they really didn't care!  And they were pretty young too, still nursing a few times a day.  So please, be fair to yourself, at least try!  She may surprise you!  And if it causes a few tears, do you think maybe that's worth it considering how it's effecting you?  It takes two to nurse, you matter too. 

[KoalaMommy]

I've never nursed my babies that long, so maybe my opinion doesn't count as much, but my approach to everything tries to be that as long as the benefits outweigh the downsides, we do something, and when the balance swings we evaluate what to do.  I'd say if you hate it and it's impacting your relationship with your child, spilling over as you say, then give yourself permission to stop.  4 is way beyond how far most people get, even in other countries where breastfeeding is seen as normal.  You've gotten past the critical first year, past the WHO's 2 years and beyond the average 3.  Pat yourself on the back, call you a super mom for breastfeeding so long and tell your daughter that it's time to be done.  Use whatever will work  for her.  You know your child and how to say something in a way that she'll accept.  And then trust her to be strong enough to take the news and cope. 

[kawa kamuri]

Lady, you sound like a supermama. I hope you get some advice on gently weaning her AND you 

[Laurski]

A woman at my local LLL meeting was planning on weaning her 4 year old by having her pick out a small cake, having a last nursing session, and then celebrating with the cake.  It sounded like it would be a very special, loving celebration for the 2 of them...is that something that might work for you and your DD?

[allisonrose]

I weaned my son at 22 months due to my pregnancy. I was incredibly sore and dreaded each nursing session. He was still nursing a good number of times a day (6-8?). I tried cutting back to just three times but it didn't work so well. What I did was subbed this yogurt that he loved for nursing so when he signed milk I'd say "hey how about some yogurt?" and he'd get distracted and forget about nursing. The first two days were a bit tough and from there things rapidly improved.

[Nova0929]

I agree with the posters who have said that your daughter might surprise you! I nursed my son till 26 months and was planning to wean by 28 anyway, but my milk was drying up b/c of pregnancy so I had to do it a lot sooner and much more precipitously than I had planned. I had been looking forward to it for about 4 months but was so nervous thinking, how can I take something away from him that is so central to his identity? how can I be so cruel and end this special relationship with horrible tantrums, tears, and pleading? I never imagined it would be sooo easy!!!! First I stopped offering it, then when he asked I'd substitute a yogurt shake or almond milk which he loves, then I stopped nursing to sleep which was the only part that was hard but that piece only lasted about 3 days. I was amazed, once again, at how flexible and resilient kids are. And you know what? Even if your daughter does flip it out will be over within one week, and after that your snuggles with her will be soooooooooooooooo much better because you won't be hating nursing! That's the BEST part about weaning! And I wouldn't have seen it coming. Hugs, Mama. Treat yourself well and your relationship with your daughter will improve twenty fold. 

[lookatreestar]

i'd say you have permission. heh, mine are almost the exact same age. the nursing thing is rough with my older dd at the moment. it always is around my cycle then it gets better. i would like her to wean but it will be bittersweet for sure. the only reason i haven't been trying to wean her is i have seen slight changes, several nights a week she goes to sleep on her own, and instead of being frantic to nurse if i transfer her from the car seat to bed, she will say a few words but then go to sleep on her own. i have a feeling she will be done by her 4th birthday if not a little bit afterwards. (i am also tandem nursing my 19 month old) you did a great job, so i say just follow your gut.