Originally Posted by Enudely
Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate your input! So, that all said, here' s my next issue. I teach lessons at my house one day a week and have the kids of our friends over to babysitt (they trade that for their music lessons.) They are a 10 year old boy and a 13 year old girl. The deal is working out great! There is also always at least one other adult in the house, the mom of the kid I'm teaching. I am in the music room and my kids know they can come in while I'm teaching as long as they are quiet. The kids are allowed to roam the house freely and are usually very active (and loud!)
MIL is pushing me to stop having these big kids watch my kids while I teach, just in case something happened with them. DH basically wants to follow her advice so that she stops being freaked out by the possibility. We aren't totally in denial that there's a possibility that something happened, but I feel that we can't live our lives in fear. I think that this situation is working out to well to sabotage it over this. My idea is to keep talking to dd about private body parts and check in with her about it. I may even ask her outright if this particular kid has ever tried to "play" with her in this way.
I have them stay outside if the weather permits (we do live in the PNW though!).
Am I being crazy to not want to change this setup? Should I absolutely not have her alone with those kids under any circumstances? Is that paranoid? Should I talk to the big kids about it? Their parents? Aaauugh! I'm going nuts over this and am supposed to go back to teaching this Thursday! Any input greatly appreciated.
Ok, I'm trying to see this from both sides. So, from your side, anything to get MIL to stop worrying and to allay any fears you may have. I can't blame you, because even if you believe that MIL was exaggerating or mistaken, that little voice is not going to subside until dd talks to someone else and they can tell you, "Nope didn't happen".
From dd's side, mommy keeps asking me about people touching me, does Mommy want someone to have touched me. Maybe if I just say yes then mommy will stop asking me. (Not saying you keep asking, but the more you ask it, especially adding names, the more likely she is going to start wondering if it DID in fact happen and you want her to say yes). I would avoid talking to her about it at all until you talk to a therapist who knows how to ask these questions without implanting thoughts in the child's mind.
From the teens side, "umm so I did nothing wrong and this woman now wants to keep me away from her kids, what is wrong with me, does she not like me anymore?" Not that I think YOU think that, but as a teen, to be "let go" from a job is a huge blow to the self esteem and could make them start to wonder what they did to make you angry and not like them anymore.
From the parent's side, "ummmm, yeah, honey you need to stay away from that woman because she honestly thinks you did xxxxx and I don't want you arrested for something you didn't do so stay far, far, away." Think about this, would you ever be able to have those kids even come near your home again after addressing this with their parents.
OK so now, for what I would do.....
I would probably call and say, "hey, dh wants to take the kids out this week so we won't be needing you to come over. I'll see you next time" Or if it's going to be a couple weeks before you can get her to a therapist, "You know, dh wants to spend a couple of these class nights with the kids so I'll call you in a couple weeks when I need you to come back over." This leaves you in a position to say, "hey MIL we went ahead and are keeping those kids from coming over until after we get an official opinion on whether they did anything to dd" PLUS, it gives you the means to call them back up in a couple weeks and say, "Hey, well, we are having class next week and I could really use your help".