Originally Posted by hezasan
I follow him and oblige him when I can, but when I can't he starts screaming and throwing a fit. I'm not really sure what to do about this -- telling him I can come with him in a minute, or that I am busy making his dinner, means very little to him at this point. I understand, of course, that this is a normal part of his development. I'm just trying to figure out how I can live with this part of his development without going completely insane, or becoming a detached, "do as I say because" kind of mother.
Since some things have to do with timing, I thought something a little helpful might be some kind of chart, with pictures for what we do during the day (meals, baths, playtime, or whatever) and eventually, he'll know the words for those things too. Having them in a "usual" order might help reinforce the idea that we have a routine and it's not time for a bath at 4 in the afternoon. What do you think? Anyone try this?
Any other ideas?
Tantrums are tough huh? I totally sympathize, my little guy's tantrums can be down-right AWFUL. My solution is generally to sympathize with a quick hug and statement, "I'm sorry you're angry. When you feel better we can find a new activity" I do not give into the tantrums, b/c when I do that they just get worse and worse and worse b/c he learns that the louder he yells the faster I respond. So, I make a point of not doing anything during a tantrum. I wait for it to subside, and then I deal with the problem - usually it means my ds is hungry. That doesn't make me a detached authoritarian mother, its what works for me and my ds at this stage - I do not spank him for being angry, I do not yell at him for being angry (I am not perfect - far far far from it!! We have our moments), but when I engage with him too much during a tantrum it feeds the fire.
I the chart is a good idea, but he may be a little young to understand that its a "schedule" of sorts and that one thing comes after the other - it will definitely be handy later, and it may be able to help with vocab words.
Originally Posted by hezasan
Mostly, I am thinking of being able to communicate what we are doing now (like eating, bath time, bedtime, etc) without words since for right now he doesn't seem to know the words.
It might help him to understand why I am telling him that it's not time to do whatever else it was he wanted to do (if it's important enough, like you say) or just to give him a sense that he's not totally in the dark about what happens during the day. Like I say, I do try to do things with him and do what he wants to do, but it's the 20th time that he grabs my fingers to lead me to his room so he can flip the light switch off and on while I am in the middle of cooking something on the stove that I am trying to find solutions for.
My ds is verbally very advanced (at least I think so, I'm a tad biased), and by 18mo understand darn close to every single thing I said. He didn't always like it, and got very angry when I said things he didn't like, but he knew what was going on. Thats not my point though, I've always spoken to him as though he understood me (in age appropriate words, although he does listen to me memorizing for the bar exam), and just talking to our children helps them learn the language. I would do things like show him a book and say, "do you want to read the book?" To help him learn what different things were called - but communicating non-verbally would not have helped him learn to talk, yk?
One thing that I really think helped his vocabulary was a set of books that we have, from amazon. They are the "Babies first Colors Board Book", "Babies first Word Board Book", "Babies first Numbers Board Book" etc - they have colorful pictures and he would sit for literally hours and I would point to things and say the word, and we would go through all the books and just say words connected to pictures - he LOVED it and it really got his vocabulary going early I think. He knew all his colors by 15-16mo, and now at 2 knows his numbers from 1-10, and is starting to recognize letters, and tries to sing the abc's.
He's definitely advanced, and even if your child isn't ready for that, don't assume he can't understand you - just talk to him. Even when he's mad. When he tantrums let him (so long as he isn't hurting you - then you need to find a safe way to handle that so no one gets hurt), and then cuddle him when he calms down and talk to him about stuff. I always felt a bit silly b/c I was always in my apartment talking to ds, and I'm sure I must sound nuts - telling my ds the elements of a negligent tort claim, lol, but it really works for us. I talk to him about what I'm making for dinner, and how, and where we're going and how we're getting there. I tell him how to buy the metro card at the train station, and show him how to use it, I talk to him while we're at the grocery store and let him point to the pasta he wants, and I show him all the different vegetables and what they're called, and what we use them to make, what kind of salad dressing is my favorite, basically he gets a running commentary of our day as we go through it.
I also taught him how to play independently b/c I had to so that I could get things done - I give him a pot and a wood spoon so he can play drums, I bring his fave firetruck into the kitchen while I cook, etc. You'll find a rhythm - just remember, he is not an infant anymore, and so when he cries he doesn't always need you to rush and pick him up and coddle him - he's a toddler and you can start gently setting boundaries. Just b/c he's throwing the tantrum of the year does not mean you are not being gentle.
Wow, I just wrote a book. Sorry about that!!