Would you try to get a 5-6 month old baby on a "schedule" before going back to work?

[laurabfig]

I have about 2 months left of a 5 1/2 month maternity leave, so DS is around 3 1/2 months now.  I'm starting to feel pressured to try to gently get him into some sort of consistent schedule, even though when I go back he will likely be with dh for 2 days and a friend for 1 day a week when I am working.  I'm not sure why I feel this pressure.  I get worried about "how he will do" with someone else when the breast isn't available for comfort, and I hate that lately I'm feeling a tad of guilt when I nurse him to sleep (because this is obviously not going to be possible when someone else is with him).  I feel like I should be loosely on a schedule by now ONLY b/c I am returning to work.  If I was going to stay with him full time, I would be much more laid back about it and not really be worried.  I think some of my worry is b/c dh nor my friend are really "attachment" parents in the fullest sense that I practice it, and I know ds will be loved and well cared for, but I still am worried about it.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this- encouragement that it will be Ok, hearing others' experiences...thoughts? 

[t2009]

This is one mom's perspective (and my DS started a nanny share right around the time you will head back to work)...

Every child is different, but my experience was that DS formed an entirely new routine and a totally different relationship with his nanny than he had with me. I continued to nurse him to sleep at night (and for naps when I was home) but he let her just rock him. He also started to develop more of a schedule with her (though she mostly was just better about routine rather than watching the clock).

If you haven't already, you might start to experiment with your DH's help... leave the house (letting your LO see that you are leaving) and let your DH try to give DS a bottle or put DS down for a nap. (Note, one VERY useful thing I learned from someone else is to ALWAYS say goodbye to LO when you leave... never sneak out, which at times can be tempting -- I think this actually contributed to DS's ability to thrive in someone else's care.) By practicing now (just a little bit) you'll feel better later & maybe your LO will have an easier time adjusting.

So, no, I don't think you need to institute a "schedule" just because you're going back to work. But it doesn't hurt to think about how things will go & do a little planning now.

Good luck!

[petey44]

I agree with t2009.  I felt the same way as you, but ultimately, made the (selfishly motivated) decision to just let my time home with DD be OUR time, not time spent preparing her for when I went back to work.  And as t2009 said, there were no problems.  She knew she was in a different environment with different people, and so she adjusted to fit in there.  And any quality childcare worker (especially of an infant) will be very accomodating to the child.  I think that me being relaxed with her and attuned to her when we were together allowed her to kind of seamlessly fit in to other environments and routines.

I do want to add, try a bottle now if you haven't already.  We gave DD a bottle at 4 weeks, or 6 weeks, or whenever it is that they say nipple confusion gets to be less of an issue, and she took it no problems.  So I was like, "good, she can take a bottle" and never tried again.  when my maternity leave was almost up, my DH (who was going to spend the next month home with her) strongly suggested that we try the bottle again to make sure she was still good with it.  Turned out she wasn't and DH and I had a few incredibly anxious, stressful, and expensive (bought one of every kind of bottle I could find) days before we found a bottle that DD would take.  So yeah, I would suggest preparing for that part of it.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by t2009 

This is one mom's perspective (and my DS started a nanny share right around the time you will head back to work)...

Every child is different, but my experience was that DS formed an entirely new routine and a totally different relationship with his nanny than he had with me. I continued to nurse him to sleep at night (and for naps when I was home) but he let her just rock him. He also started to develop more of a schedule with her (though she mostly was just better about routine rather than watching the clock).

Yup!!  My ds wouldn't take comfort from ME in any way but the boob, but anyone else?  He would let them hold, cuddle, and kiss him to make him feel better, just not me.

If you haven't already, you might start to experiment with your DH's help... leave the house (letting your LO see that you are leaving) and let your DH try to give DS a bottle or put DS down for a nap. (Note, one VERY useful thing I learned from someone else is to ALWAYS say goodbye to LO when you leave... never sneak out, which at times can be tempting -- I think this actually contributed to DS's ability to thrive in someone else's care.) By practicing now (just a little bit) you'll feel better later & maybe your LO will have an easier time adjusting.

OMG yes, always always always always say good bye.  ALWAYS.  I have a friend, who is wonderful, that doesn't say goodbye b/c her ds was painfully shy and would scream for hours after she left, and so she sneaks away (still, at 20mo) and its terrible.  He knows she left, and it doesn't bother him as much, but I always said goodbye (even when he was crying and screaming for me) and now my ds doesn't even care when I leave.  DS will give me a hug and say goodbye and play, he even waves me away sometimes like yeah mom, go away I'm fine.

So, no, I don't think you need to institute a "schedule" just because you're going back to work. But it doesn't hurt to think about how things will go & do a little planning now.

Good luck!

[staceychev]

DD was 5-1/2 months when I went back. I didn't try to put her on a schedule at all... like the previous posters said, she fell into a schedule with her caregivers. One thing that was a problem, though, was the bottle, because I didn't start trying to bottle train her early enough. She was taking a bottle from me only right before she started, and refused to take one from her caregivers the first day she was there. They called me to come and feed her, and I sat down and she took the bottle right then and there. They were floored, because they thought I had lied about her being bottle trained. Oddly, once she took that one bottle from me at her one caregiver's house, she never gave either of them a problem with bottles again. 

[madskye]

 DD put herself on a schedule...I just paid attention to what she was doing (I kept a little log) and with an hour or so variance she ate and pooped and slept at roughly the same times every day from when she was about six weeks on.  If you feel your DS is really unpredictable, a loose schedule might make it easier for everyone to meet his needs.  I don't think stricts schedules work, but I think even little babies respond to routine pretty quickly.

[laurabfig]

Great advice about the bottle training....I was getting lazy on that front.  He has taken a bottle only a few times since he was about 5 weeks old I think, so its good advice for me to keep having dh give him a bottle once a week or so to make sure he keeps taking one for when I go back to work in a few months.  I think I'll use it as an excuse to get out and have some me-time...."well he HAS to take a bottle, so I'm going to yoga..."  :)

And I have noticed lately that he is falling into a nice loose schedule... eat, awake, sleep (sometimes only for 30 min...but hey, he's sleeping).

I'm feeling better after reading everyones' posts too...that's why I love MDC.  thanks mamas.

[Quinalla]

I would prepare for the bottle as that is so stressful if baby won't eat, but otherwise, I did not do anything else to prepare just for the sake of preparing because it was going to be a transition either way, so why mess with my little time I had with my baby for little benefit. The one thing I did do was encourage a lovey (a small blanket with a duck head on it) as she was so very attached to me I wanted her to have something she could hold onto at daycare that would bring her comfort, especially since she won't take a pacifier, so she didn't have that either. And she adjusted fine to napping with them after a couple days and used and uses her lovey to help self-soothe and got her own routine of eating/sleeping/etc. going with them, I just sent many small bottle of breastmilk until they figured out what worked best. So I guess that is the one thing I would do, try to introduce a lovey if you haven't, it's nice in general for you anyway and helps your baby learn to self-soothe. All I did was start placing the lovey between her and me while breastfeeding and putting her down to sleep with it. It took some time, but now she is really attached and it was nice that I got to pick what it would be and make sure I had extra copies for washing and potentially losing it. No guarantee it will work, but worth trying!

Now if you want your baby on a schedule/routine for your family, that's totally fine, but if you don't, then don't worry about it IMO. Same with the baby learning to go to sleep on their own, do it for your family, not for daycare. Though with both of these, most babies don't usually do either regularly until ~4months at the earliest. My baby was on no schedule or routine at all until she was much older and it is still a pretty loose routine where I check the clock, but follow her cues and now that she can communicate better, she makes it clear if she is hungry and even sometimes when she wants to sleep.

[nextcommercial]

I get my daycare babies on a routine within a few days, no matter what their routine is at home.   You don't need to do it in advance.  Just do what you do, and whoever is watching him will do just fine.

I run into other problems (minor annoyances) like kids who want to walk around the house with food because they can at home.  But, even that is something I can work on here, and it doesn't take very long.  Kids are amazingly adaptable, and never even seem to stress out over it.  You really shouldn't let it stress you out either.  If someone is having a hard time with your son, it's not likely how you do things at home... it's just that they haven't adjusted yet.  But, they will.

[honeybunmom]

I took 6 mos maternity leaves with both of my kids.  Both were prepped with the bottle from 3 wks or so (whatever the recommended time frame is, I can't recall) when dh gave them their first and continued to offer it occasionally.  Well, both of them refused the bottle when I returned to work, and ds (my younger child) actually started refusing it before I went back.  Dd's strike only lasted 2 weeks.  Ds's, well, his lasted at least a month, maybe more.  We went through Dr. Brown, Avent, Adiri and others I'm sure.  He finally took the Playtex nurser.  I didn't freak out, though.  Some times, dh would bring him to me to nurse.  That finally stopped.  A baby won't starve him/herself, but s/he may reverse cycle and just nurse throughout the night, which is what he did.  If it ends up that your dc refuses the bottle, knowing this may help you remain calm about it.  My little guy wasn't losing any weight, so, we knew all was good.

And to answer the initial question, I did not try to put them on schedules.  By that time, they pretty much had their own routines of morning and afternoon naps.  Just told the caregivers what I'd observed as their signs of sleep readiness and we went with that.  Good luck!

[emilysmama]

Like the pps said, don't bother trying to get the baby on a schedule. However, I strongly suggest that you get mama and daddy on a schedule.  Waking up earlier in the morning to do daycare dropoff is a little harsh after maternity leave.  It's common sense, but try to have everything except the breastmilk in your car the night before, ready to go.  Lunchboxes, and breastmilk, all packed in the fridge and ready to load into the car. And all the clothes laid out the night before.  (If only I had actually done as I am now advising, life would have been so much easier.)

[JudiAU]

I think you will help your baby and your caregiver if you have a loose schedule in place, i.e. first nape is 3 hours after wake up or whatever. Nursing to sleep isn't a problem; I wouldn't worry about. It would be helpful though if you had someone who could help LO learn to sleep other ways, either by having a bottle and rocking or bouncing on an excericse ball.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

I get my daycare babies on a routine within a few days, no matter what their routine is at home.   You don't need to do it in advance.  Just do what you do, and whoever is watching him will do just fine.

I run into other problems (minor annoyances) like kids who want to walk around the house with food because they can at home.  But, even that is something I can work on here, and it doesn't take very long.  Kids are amazingly adaptable, and never even seem to stress out over it.  You really shouldn't let it stress you out either.  If someone is having a hard time with your son, it's not likely how you do things at home... it's just that they haven't adjusted yet.  But, they will.

This is how it is in the center I work at also.  I don't think you need to worry about schedules if you won't have her somewhere where they don't follow her cues.  There really isn't a need to put any sort of schedule in place.  When my dd was little she had her own routine that I just went with.  I did encourage her to be sleepy during the at night by having a daily bath and story routine, turning the light out at the same time each night and keeping the light out, keeping things quiet, and nursing her while laying down so she would fall back asleep after nursing.  I didn't worry about introducing the bottle myself but I did run out for a few errands when she was older and had my mom introduce the bottle.  Things worked fine.  My mom found that she had to hold the bottle at breast level and fake dd out so she thought she was nursing but some babies like different positions.
 

[oaktreemama]

 My mom found that she had to hold the bottle at breast level and fake dd out so she thought she was nursing but some babies like different positions.
 

  Funny. My dcp had to hold a soft blanket or bottle nipple aginst my son's cheek the entire bottle to get him to drink.