Back From a Birth Family Visit: Got to See Pictures of DS's 1st Birthday

[Polliwog]

We (my two kids, DS's bio sister, and her adoptive mom) get together with DS's birth mother a few times a year.  Today we went to her house to have our post-Christmas celebration.  Her fiance, younger daughter and mother were there, too.  Getting together with them is usually pretty low key.  The children are very loved by their birth family and they are trying hard to include my younger DD in every event.  T may not have been able to parent her older three children but she seems to be doing well with her almost three-year-old. 

T has many pictures of the kids on her walls so I've seen baby pictures of DS.  But today, she brought out pictures of DS's first birthday.  I first met him when he was about 14 months old so he didn't look a whole lot different but it was great to see him with birthday cake smashed all over his face.  And it was nice to see pictures of a happy family. She had her flaws back then, but you could see how much the family loved each other, even during the hard times.  I'm hoping to either borrow pictures to take home and scan or just bring my camera over and take pictures of the pictures.  I also learned a bit more about her health history and his and his sister's birth history.

Grandma also told us a little bit about her family history.  That was kind of neat.  I don't have a lot of relatives and don't know much about the ones I have.  I'm so glad she's going to share her story with us.  We usually don't much time to talk but now that the kids are a bit older (mine are six and turning four, and the other two are five and turning three) it's getting easier.  

I wanted to share since people don't always see a working open adoption-after-foster care story.  T is going to be moving out of state when she gets married but I know she'll be back to see her mother often (she's really living in two states right now) and I don't see our visits fading out.  In fact, DS and his younger sister are going to be having a sleepover at Grandma's house soon.

[CrazyCatLady]

I wanted to thank you for sharing.  I have two kids that I placed for adoption (one of them is very open, the other is not so much).  I've also come very close to losing my kids to CPS many times due to them thinking I have the potential to neglect.  So stories like this are nice to read.  I hope reading stuff like this helps other people to see that open adoptions aren't always the complicated, drama filled experiences that they are sometimes made out to be. :)

[Polliwog]

His family loves him.  And they are widening the circle to include my DD (especially Grandma.)  That was one of my big concerns, especially because we usually go to b-mom's house on her youngest DD's birthday.  Which happens to fall the week after my DD and has felt awkward.  I suspect that they will expand the party (just family) to include celebrating DD's birthday.

[WifeMomChiro]

That is great to hear a positive story about open adoption.

[excitedtobeamom]

Thank you for sharing!  This is the kind of open relationship we hope to have in our domestic adoption.  We haven't been matched with a birthmom yet but I really want an open adoption.  What a great story!

[Polliwog]

DS's grandmother usually does all the initiation of contact (either directly to me or through DS's younger sister's mom.)  His birth mother is at most of the visits but she doesn't spend a whole lot of time interacting with him or his sister.  But, she does enjoy hearing what he's up to and I like how she interacts with her youngest daughter who she's raising.  I think it's good for DS to spend time with them.  We've learned so much that wasn't on the Non-Identifying Health Information form we received.  For example, she's always loved to draw.  So does my DS, his younger sister and his older sister.  That's something positive they got from her. 

Now, if Grandma shared my dislike of most battery-powered toys.  So many entered our house after our visit.  LOL.

[Thandiwe]

What a beautiful story!  How awesome that DS's mom is able to embrace your family so wholly and without angst.  Thank you for sharing! 

[pumpkingirl71]

Thanks!

[Polliwog]

Grandma always asks about how DD's birth parents are doing and whether she has contact with her birth family. I never give details but she now knows that it's not the right time for us to have that contact. Since DD is now referring to her as Grandma, I'm glad that she's including her as part of the grandchild group.