My mother and I have had a tumultuous relationship my entire life. She spent most of my teen years gaslighting me, telling me I was crazy or wrong when I tried to have a conversation about the way she made me feel, etc. I never felt comfortable going to her with my problems or anything..When I got my period for the first time, I hid it from her, because I figured she would make fun of me. When she found out she got very angry with me for not telling her. When I was in my late teens, early twenties, I had a problem with drugs and she enabled me, she paid all my bills and gave me money to buy drugs. When I went to counseling and got clean for the first time, she went to family counseling, but lied consistently to the counselor. When he called her on it, she refused to go back. She has lied about everything in this respect, saying that she didn't know what I was going through, etc, even though it was pretty obvious at the time.
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When I was in my late twenties, she decided to leave my father because she had decided she was no longer in love with him, and wanted to live her own life. Ok, fine. But she then proceeded to tell people that my father physically and mentally abused her and never wanted to have kids (not true) and then waited until he was out of the house for the weekend, rented a truck and then cleaned out the house. She took everything. She left him one plate, one fork, knife and spoon. As well as whatever she didn't feel like taking with her at the time, which amounted to basically her clothes and the Christmas decorations, presumably because it was June and she didn't need them. She then disappeared. No one knew where she was for six months. Oh, and to top it off, she served my father with divorce papers on the same day his father died. Yes, she knew my grandfather was terminally ill and was not expected to live long. My father was devastated. He never really got over it, I think she broke his heart irreparably. He died 8 years later, a shadow of his former self. Of course she did not show up at his funeral, she said she didn't think she was welcome, even though I called her and asked her to come. My father's side of the family, who had taken her side in the divorce(!) because they believed her lies(well the extended family anyway, his sister had my mother's number), was appalled that she didn't come to the funeral, since she and my father had known each other since they were 11 years old, and both sides of the family had been connected for almost fifty years-coming from the same neighborhood in Philadelphia, etc.
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After she left my father, I didn't speak to her for about six years. Then I initiated contact with her, mostly because I wanted to see my grandparents-they had taken her side and wouldn't speak to me unless I was speaking to her. I know, right? Anyway, we started to communicate again, slowly. About a year later, my now DH and I discovered I was pg, we decided to move up our wedding date (he had proposed in December, I found out I was pregnant in February, basically he proposed and impregnated me on the same day, lol). I called my mother and asked her to come to the civil service. She was busy. Shocker, I know. Everyone else important was there, my father and brother, and my inlaws.
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She decided to get married to her boyfriend and asked me to come..My father advised me not to go. He then passed away shortly after this. And she didn't come to the funeral. So, two major life events she has skipped of mine. I took my time and finally decided to be the bigger person and went to the wedding. At the time, I was 7 months pregnant. We had to travel to PA from MD to go to the wedding. We attended the wedding and the reception, but left about an hour early to go over to my inlaws for dinner. My mother was upset with me for leaving early and told me so. Oh, well.
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DD is born, my mother shows up to see the baby, I think, hmm, maybe DD will change her. She seems very happy and attentive to DD. Our relationship improves and I go to her house a few times to visit, even staying over. On our last visit to her house, she gets annoyed at me. Presumably because she came upstairs to our room after she heard that we were awake, turned on a children's show and propped DD on her lap, and tried to interest her in the program. I said, "I really don't want her to watch T.V. yet, she is too young" (DD was 10 months at the time) She got huffy, went downstairs and lit a cigarette. I went downstairs and asked her to put out the cigarette. She ignored me. I decided to leave. I got DD ready and told her we were going over to my MIL's house a day early. She had three fits, and accused me of not caring about her, and only wanting to spend time with my MIL. I sat there for a few minutes, and waited for her to come to her senses, which she did not. I left. My MIL and I had a great time. Oh, I forgot to add, my mother was also annoyed because when I went up there to visit, I stopped at my MIL's house first, because she was closest and DD had stated screaming her head off..I had come into some money and wanted to go shopping, so we waited a while till DD calmed down and then went out for an hour, then I went over to my mother's house.
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I tried one last time to remedy things with my mother. DD's birthday is only two days before my mother's birthday. So I called my mother and asked her if she wanted to do a joint birthday party. She reluctantly agreed. At this time I was trying to settle my father's estate, and she called me to let me know that she had found some money and then suggested I give her a cut of the money. I declined. I contacted her later about the party and received no response, so I canceled the party at her house and had a small one at my home instead.
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We had one more meeting, she agreed to come to my MIL's house for Thanksgiving. DD was teething and miserable, so I dealt with her the entire time, and didn't really talk to my mother much, since I had a screaming toddler. We went up to PA for New Year's weekend, I contacted my mother and asked her if she wanted to come over, but she was going to the casino instead, so she never saw DD or gave her a Christmas present.
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I have thought about contacting her, but I figure, what is the point?? It is obvious to me that she doesn't care about anyone but herself. Frankly I am feeling very sad about all of this and very alone, and I just wanted to write it all down, because I keep thinking about it, and I wish I could just let it go once and for all. I am tired of my mother making me feel like crap when I haven't done anything wrong!
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I have left lots of other awful stuff out that she has done, because this would be really really long if I put it in. Sorry this is so long, and thanks if you made it this far.
