Socializing!

[AshleighMach]

My DS just turned 3 and I am currently homeschooling-unschooling him. I am concerned that he isnt getting much social interaction! When he is around kids his own age he plays alone (or with DD 18 months). Should I try to find a gifted play group? Pre schools in our area arent great(Souther New Jersey), and DS has discipline issues (doesnt take NO well..needs full out explanations or figure it out yourself lead discipline). Any Ideas!? 

[no5no5]

I would recommend trying to connect with other homeschooling families in your area.  If there's not a group you can join perhaps you could make your own.  What I would not especially recommend is seeking out other gifted kids; I don't think you will find that many kids are identified as gifted at 3, and those who are may not make better companions than other 3-year-old kids.  A variety of kids of a variety of ages with diverse interests and abilities would be best, IMO.  Eventually you will find someone your DC clicks with, whose parents click with you.

But really, I wouldn't sweat it at just-3.  Some kids are pretty social at that age.  Some are not.  Mine was very much an introvert and unless she knew a kid well she'd pretty much just sit & watch.  Now, at almost-5, she is much more social and needs much more time around other kids (though still not as much as some kids her age).  And, while she is usually right in the middle of the action, she still sometimes prefers to sit & watch the other kids play. 

[KCMichigan]

Originally Posted by no5no5 

But really, I wouldn't sweat it at just-3.  Some kids are pretty social at that age.  Some are not.  Mine was very much an introvert and unless she knew a kid well she'd pretty much just sit & watch.  Now, at almost-5, she is much more social and needs much more time around other kids (though still not as much as some kids her age).  And, while she is usually right in the middle of the action, she still sometimes prefers to sit & watch the other kids play. 

Ditto this.

I have twin 5 yr olds.

At age 3 we did library story time, a local play group (for all kids ages 2-5), local nature center preschool nature classes, and a community open play room (age 0-5). It was a nice diverse community and my girls got something different from each group. I never would have 'sought' out a gifted or homeschool group at 3. (most homeschool groups in that area were for ages 5/6 and up).

One DD at age 3 still parallel played and did not interact with other kids very well at all, when she did she was quirky. Her interests also did not align with most 3 yr olds (obsession with space, dinosaurs, rocks, human body, etc), her speech was unusual, and she had/has many fears and sensitivities. She is introverted, though not shy. She preferred (and still does) adult women to talk with and tries to interact with adults more than kids.

Other DD was very social at age 3. She loved playing with her twin and/or in a group or by herself. She is an extrovert and does well in most social situations. She will play with anyone age 1-12 that she can rope into her imaginary worlds.

Now at 5, both of them like to play with groups. Though at times, they have interests that are different than their peers- they adapt and do pretty well. They miss their friends and activities when they arent able to go (PreK or classes they are in), at age 3 they could have cared less.

[joensally]

Parallel play is very typical for three year olds - over this year, they'll start to practice playing together and learn give and take with peers skills.  This can happen at library story time, open gym time, the park.

I don't think that every three year olds needs age-mates or play mates particularly. 

What is bad about your local preschools?

[KJunebug]

I enrolled my almost 3 year old in preschool 3 days a week for the socializing.  I think the combination of structures school time, having to deal with other kids, following a few rules BUT still having 4 at home days to putter, library, park, explore at her own pace is working great for us.  She loves both for different reasons, though I still very rarely see her actually playing with her classmates, she talks about them all the time!

[musicoholic]

Hm.  I am quite conflicted in my feelings about this...  My DS was in school from age 2.5, and doing very well socially - but was having trouble in the classroom because the teachers were completely inflexible, and EVERYTHING had to be done to a schedule (there is a long story to this - but the point is that they were 2.5/3 yo!!!!  Anyway...).  

Long story short, he was removed from that situation when he was about 3.5...  and did not really have very much age mate/peer socialising (we were living in a foreign country, and all the other children we lived near did not speak any English - which was a major source of frustration for him because he was SO verbally advanced) until we came home 12 months later, when we put him into an "educational childcare" for 6 months before he started school again.  Since he's been at school, his "issues" have been reversed.  He's now not having many problems in the classroom except his perfectionism (we found a very good govt school, thank goodness) ...  but is having issues socially (often behaving younger than he actually is).  It's almost like he's reverted to catch up on the time he "lost".

I'm not making very much sense, am I?

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it's going to be a very individual choice - dependent on your DS and his personality/mentality.  I completely agree with the PPs saying not too worry about it too much at this age...  but on the other hand I wish that we had had appropriate playmates/socialisation opportunities for DS at that stage of his development.  All the best to you, whatever you decide to do.  

[pigpokey]

I think YOU will have a better time with other moms of gifteds at this point.  I don't think 3yos need age-peer social interaction, but it can be nice for the moms.

I had one child who was a spectacle in general at that age (2-3) and it was easier to hang out with either moms who had kids younger / good bit older, or moms of children who also were significantly advanced in one or more areas.  Moms of kids right around his age, particularly ones who were having a delay in one area or the other, did not really want to watch him acting 2-3 years older no matter how modest we were about it.

[AshleighMach]

Originally Posted by musicoholic 

Hm.  I am quite conflicted in my feelings about this...  My DS was in school from age 2.5, and doing very well socially - but was having trouble in the classroom because the teachers were completely inflexible, and EVERYTHING had to be done to a schedule (there is a long story to this - but the point is that they were 2.5/3 yo!!!!  Anyway...).  

Long story short, he was removed from that situation when he was about 3.5...  and did not really have very much age mate/peer socialising (we were living in a foreign country, and all the other children we lived near did not speak any English - which was a major source of frustration for him because he was SO verbally advanced) until we came home 12 months later, when we put him into an "educational childcare" for 6 months before he started school again.  Since he's been at school, his "issues" have been reversed.  He's now not having many problems in the classroom except his perfectionism (we found a very good govt school, thank goodness) ...  but is having issues socially (often behaving younger than he actually is).  It's almost like he's reverted to catch up on the time he "lost".

I'm not making very much sense, am I?

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it's going to be a very individual choice - dependent on your DS and his personality/mentality.  I completely agree with the PPs saying not too worry about it too much at this age...  but on the other hand I wish that we had had appropriate playmates/socialisation opportunities for DS at that stage of his development.  All the best to you, whatever you decide to do.  

I totally understand!! DS is raised in a Russian/American home. Lived first 17 months in Russia (DH is russian). DS and DD speak and fully understand both (also a reason they might be distant from other kids). So I totally understand the difficulties of constant cultural change on a child! Im thinking I might be good to find another Russian/American group for DS and DD. 

Originally Posted by joensally 

Parallel play is very typical for three year olds - over this year, they'll start to practice playing together and learn give and take with peers skills.  This can happen at library story time, open gym time, the park.

I don't think that every three year olds needs age-mates or play mates particularly. 

What is bad about your local preschools?

Most of our local preschools are preschool/daycare (they will hire any Tom or Joe without a criminal record) or religious focused preschools (dont really want to introduce DS to God yet). DS is a very inquisitive and does not take "NO" as an answer(needs a full out explanation as to why it isnt a good idea and what the consequences will be (Very tiring)). He will either have a breakdown or just not listen. 

Originally Posted by pigpokey 

I think YOU will have a better time with other moms of gifteds at this point.  I don't think 3yos need age-peer social interaction, but it can be nice for the moms.

I had one child who was a spectacle in general at that age (2-3) and it was easier to hang out with either moms who had kids younger / good bit older, or moms of children who also were significantly advanced in one or more areas.  Moms of kids right around his age, particularly ones who were having a delay in one area or the other, did not really want to watch him acting 2-3 years older no matter how modest we were about it.

Thank you!! I think your right! I find other moms either roll their eyes at things he says or is interested in or look down on his (at times) emotional immaturity or my lack of a hard hand(which just doesnt work). It would really be nice to be around people without any judgment!!