Since an updated order was finalized by the court last fall, DH's ex has been difficult at every turn. Most likely she's irate at "losing" summers to spend with DSD and is trying to control DH as much as she can. Understandable since she's had everything her way for the first 7 years ... and now she's subject to the court order that didn't go her way. At all.
In any event, this winter she uses every excuse to not let DSD come to our house or to pick her up early. I'll only cover the latter here. There is an hour distance between us, so road conditions do become a factor. When the interstate is closed, it's clear that the weekend with us will be missed. But she uses "it's supposed to snow, the roads are bad" as an excuse to show up 3, 4, sometimes 5 hours early to pick up DSD. I say "excuse" because all online sources indicate that roads are just fine between us right now, there are no warnings, there is no precipitation, I drove on the roads on Friday two days ago to get DSD and there's been no snow since then. So in my mind the roads are still clear and safe to drive.
Part of what is frustrating is that since September, she has come early by more than 30 minutes every time (to the extent we can figure out, it's all been documented with timestamped picture of her vehicle in the driveway, for example. It's tricky since we want to keep DSD away from the disagreement, including the "documentation"). So I'm less forgiving than if it were just happening during the winter.
So my question is, where do you draw the line between calling it on the safe side and not wanting DSD to be out in inclement weather and calling it an excuse and a violation of the order to pick up DSD so much earlier than the order? We're not going to drag the issue back to court or anything at the moment, but it's hard to decide when to say "ok, DSD will be ready," versus "sorry, you can come now, but we're busy and so you can bring DSD home at 6, not now at 2."
I thought we might ask if ex would be willing to agree+sign to change the time 3 hours earlier at both ends of the weekend during the winter, to avoid the issue, but I seriously doubt she would be willing to agree. She refused to put DSD on her insurance plan and have DH pay for it. He offered to do it that way because it costs $400 less per month for the premium, her coverage is better and it would give DSD coverage at the clinic ex wants to take DSD to. So her support check is reduced as a result of the arrangement. She wasn't even willing to add DSD if DH paid for the both of them, that's how stubborn she is. The moral of this paragraph is that I'm not optimistic that finding a way to avoid the issue would get us anywhere. :-)