Scared of home birth... And hospital birth...

[MamaAsheri]

Hi all!

I am pregnant with my second child. My first I had in a hospital and while it wasn't a horror I have thought since at i would prefer a HB. The only thing that keeps tripping me up is the "what if something bad happens" thing.

Have any of you home birthed and could help with that concern? Have any of you worked through those fears yourself? Why does a hospital birth seem safer even if cold, slow, and impersonal?

Thanks!
Mama Asheri

[starrlamia]

I think our society has led us to believe that birth is scary, painful and dangerous. Whereas it is just the opposite!

I would highly highly recommend reading Ina May's Guide to Childbrith and/or Spiritual Midwifery, as well as reading all of the amazing home birth stories posted here!

[Baby_Cakes]

I'm dealing with a lot of the same feelings.  I had a HB for my first and everything went really well health wise.  I was fine, DD was fine.  Nothing went "wrong" from any standpoint.  But this time I can't shake the whole, "what if???" feeling.  What if we need a NICU right after the baby is born and we are too far away?  What if, what if, what if??

I'll be honest, talking to my midwife helped a TON.  I got to ask all my what if questions and got really good, helpful, honest answers.  I know that if there are any signs of any trouble, there is no fooling around and we go to a hospital with a NICU.

This time, I'm far less worried about myself and more worried about the baby.  Last time I think I was too caught up in what labor would feel like that I just wanted to experience it and I knew it would be ok.  This time, I know what to expect and so I think I'm just focusing on what I don't really understand - like things going "wrong".

[stik]

Objectively speaking, birth usually is painful, and it can sometimes be scary and dangerous. 

I haven't home birthed, so I don't think I'm a great person to help you with this concern.  I think it can be worked through if you truly think home birth is the best choice for you.  Alternately, that small, scared voice might be your maternal instincts warning of something that really could cause a problem at birth. 

If you think a hospital birth might be the best way to address your concerns, but felt the care was impersonal last time around, you might want to consider hiring a doula for this next birth.  Also, I really liked Birthing from Within for thoughts about what labor is like and how to cope with it. 

[member234098]

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Edited by member234098 - 6/10/12 at 9:39pm

[EnchantedMamma]

Here's the thing: Midwives do NOT put you in a risky situation.

They monitor you throughout to make sure there is nothing risky leading up to your due date. If something risky did come up, you would discuss treatment options with plenty of time to make whatever decision is needed, including opting to have the midwife be with you at a hospital birth (in extreme situations - you would be surprised how many 'little complications' can easily be managed with a midwife).

DURING the birth, they are also (IMHO/YMMV) pretty darned conservative when it comes to the health of you and your baby.

They will monitor the baby (perhaps not continuously by default as a hospital might, but frequently enough to spot any problems) and will let you know if you are approaching a point where things need to happen or decisions need to be made.

And, if the baby is born in any distress they have oxygen and other remedies and are trained in neo-natal resuscitation.

So most problems are not problems. The smaller problems will be caught early and dealt with. Bigger problems that are caught early might mean you are risked out. And problems that occur during labor/delivery will be VERY swiftly dealt with, including a hospital transfer if needed.

I just don't think that it's very risky. There might be a very remote chance where only being in a hospital with an advanced NICU would help a certain situation, but I think your odds are very good at a birth center or at home if you are near a hospital.

I mean, honestly, people have accidentally given birth at home, in cars, in parking lots... You may not be able to control things even if you PLAN to be in the most high tech hospital available.

Good luck! :)

[Sudonk]

I went through the same thing when we were expecting our second baby.  Our first (hospital) birth had gone fine, really.  But the thought of needing to ASK for so many things that just come down to common sense and respect, and be vigilant about having our wishes respected sounded exhausting.  I wanted to focus on the baby, the birth, and the needs of our family instead of worrying about whether or not we'd encounter staff who respected our wishes.  We wound up finding a birth center, and were very pleased with the choice during the pregnancy.  But the benefits to avoiding the hospital became much more clear during the birth.  We went hours without seeing any staff people when we were in the hospital.  With the midwives, we were given very close attention.  The monitoring was done gently by hand, and someone was always in the room with us, encouraging, asking what they could do for us, lending an air of peacefulness that really helped me relax so much more completely than I was ever able to do in the hospital.  My baby remained very high for several hours after I reached full dilation.  No one suggested any interventions.  They waited patiently, checking the baby's heartrate often and making sure I wasn't experiencing any problems.  I have talked to several OBs about that situation since then, and even the most natural-minded admitted that I never would have been "allowed" to go more than 45-60 minutes before a c-section would have been mentioned.  After the baby was born, we were thrilled by the respect he was shown.  He was spoken to kindly, handled gently and stayed in my arms or my husbands for almost all the checks and assessments, even though he did need some assistance and O2 at first.  That was distinctly NOT true in the hospital, where our first born was often whisked out of our arms to the sound of our protests, because "that's how they do things."

For our next birth, we did our research and found out that the homebirth midwife we liked has all the same equipment as the birth center had available.  She travels with the equivalent of a level 1 NICU in her car, and has plans in place for a smooth transfer to a hospital if it become necessary.  Again, she offers one-on-one focused attention instead of stopping by when she's not too busy with one of the other patients, as was our hospital experience.  The entire birth was about our baby and our needs, not catering to the needs that didn't interfere with hospital policy or their convenience.  I can't tell you how much more protected, safe and secure I felt in my out-of-hospital births than I ever did during my hospital birth.  I really wasn't expecting that, but it is true.  Once I got over the preconcieved notion that birth=hospital, and began weighing the pros and cons, it became clear that for a low-intervention birth for a healthy mom, staying out of the hospital can be an excellent choice.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by EnchantedMamma 

Here's the thing: Midwives do NOT put you in a risky situation.

They monitor you throughout to make sure there is nothing risky leading up to your due date. If something risky did come up, you would discuss treatment options with plenty of time to make whatever decision is needed, including opting to have the midwife be with you at a hospital birth (in extreme situations - you would be surprised how many 'little complications' can easily be managed with a midwife).

DURING the birth, they are also (IMHO/YMMV) pretty darned conservative when it comes to the health of you and your baby.

They will monitor the baby (perhaps not continuously by default as a hospital might, but frequently enough to spot any problems) and will let you know if you are approaching a point where things need to happen or decisions need to be made.

And, if the baby is born in any distress they have oxygen and other remedies and are trained in neo-natal resuscitation.

So most problems are not problems. The smaller problems will be caught early and dealt with. Bigger problems that are caught early might mean you are risked out. And problems that occur during labor/delivery will be VERY swiftly dealt with, including a hospital transfer if needed.

I just don't think that it's very risky. There might be a very remote chance where only being in a hospital with an advanced NICU would help a certain situation, but I think your odds are very good at a birth center or at home if you are near a hospital.

I mean, honestly, people have accidentally given birth at home, in cars, in parking lots... You may not be able to control things even if you PLAN to be in the most high tech hospital available.

Good luck! :)

Yes!  This is what I meant when I said talking to my mw helped.  All these things we talked about and you start to realize how prepared they are for anything and how normal and natural birthing is.

[starrlamia]

Originally Posted by stik 

Objectively speaking, birth usually is painful, and it can sometimes be scary and dangerous. 

 Yes it is painful and can in some cases be scary and dangerous, but these are the minority (or should be)

[Mamatoabunch]

Gosh after one hospital birth of twins, the hospital scares me to death. I have had 8 HB's, nothing guaranteed, hospital or home and I definitely feel we were much safer at home. 

[thencamehenry]

Hi Mama Asheri,

I could have written your post.  I have really been going back and forth between the OB practice that delivered my son and choosing a home birth midwife.  I didn't have any significant issues with my hospital birth but I did have to advocate for myself.  I also didn't like that your nurse is a random stranger you've never met before since that's who really cares for you during most hospital births.  And the fact that they took my baby to the nursery for what felt like forever while I was alone in a room in the middle of the night just after giving birth.  Such a bizarre way to treat a new baby and mom.  But then on the flip side if I were one of those 1 in 1000 with a serious complication I would gladly have all those negative experiences if it meant a healthy mom and baby.  Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I had had a bad hospital birth!

I've met three great midwives but my husband and I are most comfortable with a CNM who's been practicing so long that she could have delivered me 30 years ago.  It's comforting to me that she has tons of experience and the same credentials as the midwives who deliver babies with my OB's office.  I'm lucky to live in an area with tons of midwives to choose from.

I'm not 100% on board with the home birth idea yet but I think I'm close enough to try starting my prenatal care with a midwife.  (We are back to TTC again after a recent miscarriage.)  A midwife at the OB practice recommended that with the thought that we can always switch back if we change our minds.  Because of malpractice insurance issues our OB will not allow you to start with them, switch to a midwife, and then switch back. 

I don't know if any of that is helpful, but know you're not the only one struggling to decide.  Sometimes it feels that way since birth is such a divisive issue and most people are so set in their ways about it.  Good luck!

thencamehenry

[msmiranda]

I am also struggling with this decision right now.  This is my third child.  My first son was born in a hospital, with midwives, and my second son at home with midwives.  On the one hand, I think I could probably have a normal birth in the hospital because I've done this twice already, the hospital I would go to is known for being natural-friendly, and my OB seems amenable... and then I've still had a normal birth but hedged my bets against those very few, rare scenarios where being in a hospital would be determinative of the outcome.  On the other hand, I have a lot of fear and distrust built up against OBs because of all the terrible stories I have heard and read over the years, and so if I could have a care provider I trust and be 6 miles from the hospital in case it is needed ... I am just taking a very very small risk (probably smaller than getting in the car to go to the hospital to begin with) in order to get better care and not have to fight anyone about anything and avoid things that can go wrong in the hospital (unnecessary interventions, infections, etc.).  It's a tough decision because you can't know in advance how things will shake out in your particular case.  The Birth Sense blog had a really good post about this recently -- how the safest place for a woman to give birth doesn't exist because there are bad outcomes in the hospital that wouldn't have happened at home and vice versa. 

Anyway, you are not alone!  Good luck making your decision.