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ok started downsizing and donating BUT - Page 2

post #21 of 26

Can you consign what you don't want to make room and some $$$? My thing is if someone gives me something with no instructions, then they can't ask for it back. so why worry yourself?

post #22 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

 My other SIL recently asked for all this stuff back she had given me when I was pregnant! UMMM didn't know I was borrowing it...(and already got rid of it) I had a panic attack, and have been sick for days over it. Like seriously can not handle confrontation.

 

 


I feel you! My mil and sil did this to me recently. I was completely blown away, since the items (hand-me-downs) were given as gifts.  I think it is SO rude. I'm sorry it made you sick :(  

post #23 of 26

That is really tough, I don't know what I would do if my family was that rude. I don't keep everything we get, really no one asks about it (probably because we don't have people over often!) but my mom does know we got rid of the huge pile of plastic toys she got DS for Christmas last year, and that seemed to help her choices this year, but we still have way too much & DS's bday is coming up so I know he's going to get even MORE despite my requests... Maybe instead of saying 'no toys' you could say something like 'no tangible gifts' -- and they can instead give memberships, gift cards, classes, etc. I know my family wouldn't go for that though so I'm not sure if your family would... My rule is, if I express our wants/needs and people choose to ignore it, I don't feel any obligation to keep the item(s). If they make a sincere effort, I do keep the item(s) (as long as it's reasonable/feasible) just to honor their effort. I guess you just need to develop a thick skin & stop feeling obligated to make everyone happy -- that's just not your job, and if you've clearly stated that you cannot accomodate certainn items, then they need to either honor your wishes or accept that their gifts will be passed on.

 

Anyway, I would try to sell as many things as you can. That's what I did with most of DS's toys and it got rid of my 'guilt' because I was getting money toward groceries so DS can eat, money to be able to occasionally take him somewhere special, etc. I am even thinking of setting up a college fund or buying savings bonds with any money from DS's returned/resold gifts.

 

I keep all clothes for the next kid but only because we hope to have another very soon (and most of DS's clothes are pretty unisex)... if you have no immediate plans for another kid, just donate/sell all but a few favorite outfits. And toys -- just keep a few favorites, no need to keep every toy that future kid might POSSIBLY be interested in.

 

Make use of all your space -- so get some boxes to slide under your bed, set aside a spare kitchen cabinet for other stuff (office supplies or whatever), try a tall dresser instead of a changing table for storing things like towels, diapers, wipes, etc.... use those things that hang over the door (shoe organizers, for ex.) to store smaller items. Also when I lived in a studio apartment I was able to get a big freestanding closet for like $99 (didn't even know about thrift stores/craigslist back then, so there may be cheaper options) -- that would be great for storing items you would typically put in an attic, and then you could push another piece of furniture/plant/etc. in front of it since you wouldn't need frequent access to it.

post #24 of 26

Well said and done Cyclaman!

Could you list your dining table on craigslist/kijiji as trade for bookshelves?

 

Neat about the coffee table. I was eyeballing ours tonight and wondering if I shouldn't ditch the kitchen table, and we could sit on the floor and eat off it. It owuld give us more space that is for sure. Do you have dogs though?

 

 

I have had people snark at me for giving suff away that they had given me. Thing is, I am very upfront about the fact the fact that not only is the house miniscule, but we also don't need 'stuff' so thanks but no thanks.

IIf I say "no thanks" I really mean "NO", the "thanks" is just me being polite, lol.

post #25 of 26
Thread Starter 

I know it's not my job to make everyone happy and I have struggled with that all my life, been through countless therapy for it. Since birth I had to walk on egg shells as to not upset my abusive father nor my chronically depressed mother. I was always trying to make them better so our family would be more stable b/c my sis was always trying to kill herself and we always had DCF threats that I would be punished for. It is all a complicated situation but I am trying my best in life and am surprisingly very normal with everything I have witnessed/been through. I think it's hard too b/c MIL is crazy as is SIL and DH grew up sour as well so there is no stability anywhere besides in our own safe and loving home. We tried writing everyone off before but unfortunately we still always seem to need the relationships...IDK human nature?

 

Anyway I have seriously diminished DDs toys over here and am feeling like a weight has been lifted. I am down to the toy box and that bin I told you about previously. I still have more upstairs though! It's mostly puzzles though and I saved a drawer for puzzles in that bin.

 

The donation place is suppose to come get everything FRI but we are suppose to have a big storm! I really hope they still come b/c I would hate to have it all still here!

I have a mountain of bags and boxes in the corner. I will feel so much better once it's gone.

 

I know we could sell it but then I have to wait until it's sold. Also I feel so guilty not being able to really give back in any way since we are so low on the income chain. We give a couple dollars to church, but that's it. In my religion charity is suppose to be something you do regularly and it pays off more than money.

 

 

I have a washer and dryer in a "laundry room" but it's really like a closet and just fits those and had accordian style doors. The previous people put in some of those wire shelves and we have 2 going the around the walls. I have the laundry stuff and some appliances on one and some pans and bags on the other. So once we get that other thing for the pans we will have some room (especially since I can't reach the shelf)

 

I want to downsize our appliances badly! We have a juicer (heavily used), a blender, food processor, crock pot, waffle maker, toaster, and coffee maker. I want to get rid of the blender and food processor and get the Ninja! DH said no though, but it is on sale for $30! The reviews are really good on it.

 

We only have 4 cabinets in the kitchen! small ones! so there is hardly room for our plates and cups and we don't have a lot. We have a "pantry" which is just 4 shelves in a maybe foot deep closet, but at least we have it. I was looking at wire shelves that like stack so you have like 2 shelves on one but they are small and expensive. Anyone know where to get them cheap? (they were $6  piece at walmart! and were small)

 

I appreciate everyone's help b/c I am clueless at organization

post #26 of 26

Maybe you can check freecycle for small organizational items (like wire racks etc?) I think that's always my biggest impediment to being organized -- I don't want to spend the money on those kinds of things! But it's worth it if you can afford it... if not, drive around on trash day, check thrift stores, etc.... 

 

I don't think you need to write everyone off if you don't want to -- I have a hard time doing that as well, because, well, they are family! But you do need to make sure that you keep healthy boundaries, which includes not letting people 'control' you to the extent that you can't keep your house decluttered etc. and feel guilt for things that aren't your responsibility, you know? (Easier said than done, of course!) 

 

Great job on the toy decluttering!! Maybe the donation truck could come a day early if you call & explain the storm & space issues? Or could you drop some of it off yourself?

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