Toddler Doesn't Want to Be Worn

[lactatinggirl]

When DD was a baby, she literally lived in my Sleepy Wrap. Then when she got older I wore her on my hip in a homemade sling every time we went out of the house. Then we transitioned to a back carry in our Boba and I loved it. The problem is that she doesn't want to be worn most of the time. She always tells me she wants to walk or ride in the shopping carts that have cars attached. If she'd stay in the cart, it wouldn't really be an issue, but she wants out the second I stop it. Once she's in the carrier and we're moving she's happy, but when I'm trying to get her in half the time she's thrashing and screaming at me that she wants to walk. I want to go back to the days where I can pop her in the carrier and we can have a happy, relaxed shopping trip. Not to mention when we go places that don't have carts she could even possibly ride in.

So what should I do? Do I keep wrestling her onto my back? I've never dropped her or even come close, but she has scared the crap out of me a couple of times by thrashing backwards. I understand that she wants to walk, but having a toddler walking through the grocery store just does not sound like a fun time to me. Is there a way I can convince her it's a good thing to be on mama's back?

[MeepyCat]

Sometimes they just aren't very persuadable.  Mama's back certainly has a lot going for it - ease, comfort, proximity to Mama - but it's much harder to stop and see what happens if you pull all the cereal boxes over smell the flowers.  A young toddler's attention span is so short that an entire shopping trip can seem like an eternity.  This, honestly, the stage at which I made peace with those toddler walking harness things.  Ten bucks to Target got my DS enough running room to explore and experiment with his own volition a little, and it got me assurance that he wasn't going to get lost or wander out in traffic, and we didn't have to fight with each other.  So that's the solution we went with.

Not everyone can stand to use these, and they don't work with every kid, but they can be wonderful and they're worth a thought.

ETA:  We have also had good luck with small, locally-owned grocery stores when shopping with young toddlers.  Small, friendly stores with tolerant staff can be great - obviously, you want to enforce some reasonable rules, but DS found the textures and smells of the little local market much more interesting than the giant, sterile national chain store, and was less bored and therefore less prone to go looking for trouble.  This changed the way we ate for a while though, and not always for the better - the chains are able to carry much more variety, and sometimes the local places are a bit pricier.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

We went through a period that was difficult. Now DS understands my rule: He can ride in the cart if he wants, or he can ride on my back. Those are the options. If he is finished in the cart, he goes on my back. I always bring my carrier in the store, even if he insists that he is going to stay in the cart. It took some time, but now he'll tell me he is "All done cart. Mommy's back now." I give him the choice, and let him decide, but those are the only 2 options. When we are at home and he insists on being held for a long time I give him similar options, either he can get down and play or I will hold him in the carrier. He is heavy! I just can't haul him around all day. I'm more than happy to wear him, but I can't carry him in my arms for extended periods of time.

Also, I give him warning when we are going someplace that he needs to be worn. I'll tell him where we are going, what we are doing there, and that he needs to be on mommy's back. Again, this took time and repetition, but he understands that now. Kind of like giving a 5 minute transition warning when it is almost time to leave someplace.

[GoGoGirl]

I can't really give any grocery store advice, because we just let my DD run around in the store (it's almost always empty) and then just pick up after her.

But DD (2 days younger than yours!) definitely went through a back wrapping strike lately, and I think we're past it, so I have a few tips on making wearing more enticing for a busy toddler.  I've made it more fun to get DD on my back, which I think helped the most.  I've always supermanned her up, but I used to be pretty boring about it.  Now, before I swing her up and on to my back, I hold her in front of me and swing her wildly back and forth a few times while yelling, "One!  Two!  THREEEEEEE!"  She LOVES it and always wants me to do it again.  She's a daredevil and I think making the trip on to my back more thrilling for her has helped.  It's always helped to have a routine, too.  I used to let her watch Bad Romance on youtube while I wrapped her, so if she heard the beginning of the song she would come running over to be wrapped.  If we were in public, I even had to sing it before wrapping.  Now that it's winter, she knows that after her coat is on, then we put her in the wrap. 

Our problem now seems to be keeping her happy on my back once she's already there.  I found that it helps if I tell her what we're doing and how long she needs to stay on my back.  So I say "You'll stay on my back on the subway, and then we'll get out of the train and you'll stay on my back while we walk to the park.  When we get to the slide I'll take you down."  Then if we're on the subway and she starts yelling all done, I can remind her that she needs to stay on my back until we get to the slide, and it usually calms her down.

[Lauren710]

My DD gets to make choices about being worn at home, which I think makes her feel more independent and therefore more compliant about being wrapped when we go out. At home she can pick a wrap and choose front or back carry, or she can play near me when I'm trying to get chores done. At the store her only choices are ride on Mom's back or ride on Mom's front, sometimes she'll complain a little but I also make the trip very, very short and talk to her the whole time if she's clearly being ornery.. she never asks to walk or ride in the cart, she just knows the routine now.

She also gets to pick which wrap we take with us, and we have quite a few wraps that she loves so she's typically quite happy to be up in whichever one she picks out.. birds, fish, bears, certain colors, soft wraps all appeal to her, which makes wearing her much easier - she asks to go up at least once a day at home, and I WOH. Not everyone is crazy like me and will buy carriers specifically to entice their toddlers to be worn, but it does work sometimes ;)

I think taking your carrier with you and telling her clearly that the options are staying in the cart or riding on mama's back is a good approach to try first :) While toddlers need plenty of room to learn and explore, setting a few boundaries now and then is important too, especially when it's an issue of safety and/or other peoples' property. You might encounter a struggle at first but I think she'll probably learn the new routine pretty quickly.

[Lauren710]

Originally Posted by GoGoGirl 

Our problem now seems to be keeping her happy on my back once she's already there.  I found that it helps if I tell her what we're doing and how long she needs to stay on my back.  So I say "You'll stay on my back on the subway, and then we'll get out of the train and you'll stay on my back while we walk to the park.  When we get to the slide I'll take you down."  Then if we're on the subway and she starts yelling all done, I can remind her that she needs to stay on my back until we get to the slide, and it usually calms her down.

Totally agree, this helps too :)

[GoGoGirl]

Originally Posted by Lauren710 
Not everyone is crazy like me and will buy carriers specifically to entice their toddlers to be worn, but it does work sometimes ;)

That's another good point!  Lately DD is much happier in the mei tai so I've followed her lead on that.  But I have Easycare #1 on the way for that very reason...hoping the rainbow will entice her back into wrapping. 

[lactatinggirl]

Thanks for all of the suggestions everyone! I think it'll be helpful to insist that it's either mama's back or the cart (I can't stand front carrying for long now that she's older). I also think that the dare-devil trick will definitely help because she LOVES being thrown around.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

Originally Posted by Lauren710 
Not everyone is crazy like me and will buy carriers specifically to entice their toddlers to be worn, but it does work sometimes ;)

Oh, I'm crazy like you! I have a kinderpack in a car fabric because he goes nuts over cars, trucks, vehicles of all kinds. He loves it!

[livinlovinlaughin]

I have been trying to wear DS more again. We slacked off beacuse he always wants to walk. These posts were very encouraging. Thank you!

I am curious which carriers you are all using for back carrying? Which are the easiest to get them into on your back and how big your kids are. Can you wear a toddler on your back with a ktan? I've never worn DS on my back because I think my hair would be in his way and he world make it a mess. ????

[GoGoGirl]

No mama, Ktans and other stretchy wraps aren't safe for back carries.  I absolutely LOVE my woven wraps for back carries.  I started using them at 8 months, and now at 22 months they still work so well for us.  I like mei tais, too.  I started with those around 3 months and are still using them.  Woven wraps are more comfortable for me than mei tais, but mei tais are easier for me to wear her on my back over our coats.  Oh, DD is 22 months, 26ish lbs, and uhhhh, standard height I guess. 

[livinlovinlaughin]

Thanks. I think I will be making a woven wrap. How long is yours? My homemade moby is so long! That is one reason I will be making a k'tan out of left over material. I also need to find the right material for the woven wrap

I am so excited to wear my DS more. Thank you all!

Originally Posted by GoGoGirl 

No mama, Ktans and other stretchy wraps aren't safe for back carries.  I absolutely LOVE my woven wraps for back carries.  I started using them at 8 months, and now at 22 months they still work so well for us.  I like mei tais, too.  I started with those around 3 months and are still using them.  Woven wraps are more comfortable for me than mei tais, but mei tais are easier for me to wear her on my back over our coats.  Oh, DD is 22 months, 26ish lbs, and uhhhh, standard height I guess. 

[GoGoGirl]

I have different length woven wraps.  My most used size is 4.6m.  I use it for multi-layer carries, like front wrap cross carry (fwcc) and double hammock (DH).  You can look all these carries up on youtube.  I can do those carries in 4.2m, but I end up tying the wrap right at the tippy tails, so I like the extra room I have in a 4.6m wrap.  If you want to do single layer carries like a ruck tied in front or kangaroo, 3.6m is probably a good size.  And for shorty carries like rebozo or ruck under bum, 2.7m is good.  For reference, I'm 5'4 and 135 lbs. 

I know people make DIY woven wraps out of something called Osnaburg--I'm not sure if I'm spelling that right.  You're looking for something with diagonal stretch...it shouldn't stretch along the length or width, but it should stretch a little when you pull it diagonally.  There's a ton of info on the DIY forum on The Baby Wearer but I don't know much about it.  I'm not sure if Osnaburg is comfortable; I've heard it's kind of stiff and rough and takes a lot of use before it softens up.  I also don't know how much Osnaburg costs, but if you're not super picky about colors or brands, you can probably get a used 4.6m woven wrap for about $70.