WWYD? Should I agree to move in with MIL? - Page 2

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

I wouldnt do it. If it makes you feel anxious to just think about it, Id say its a bad idea. If there is any other way you could save money, I would try that first. I think if you dont want to live with her, its likely to create problems that will put up walls between you forever. If you like your MIL, living with her may make you dislike her. If you already dislike her, living with her may make you never speak to her again.

I agree with this.  I wouldn't do it, personally, and I really love my MIL (and her house is big and nice so it wouldn't feel uncomfortable from the standpoint the OP mentioned).  It just doesn't seem like a good idea, even temporarily, and even if it saved over $1,000 a month on bills.  I'd find another way - there has to be another way - to get ahead or caught up. 
 

[HappyMommy2]

I don't think you should do it.  It sounds WAY too stressful.  Even though I love my parents dearly, I think I would go insane living in somebody else's house.

Once you get in there, it will be REALLY REALLY hard to get out.  You tentatively agreed to 3 months, and your DH has already expanded it to 6mo to a year.  Your DH and your MIL may "gang" up on you and you will feel even more stuck, because it is an open ended timeframe.

Good luck with your decision!

[dex_millie]

Originally Posted by HappyMommy2 

I don't think you should do it.  It sounds WAY too stressful.  Even though I love my parents dearly, I think I would go insane living in somebody else's house.

Once you get in there, it will be REALLY REALLY hard to get out.  You tentatively agreed to 3 months, and your DH has already expanded it to 6mo to a year.  Your DH and your MIL may "gang" up on you and you will feel even more stuck, because it is an open ended timeframe.

Good luck with your decision!

DH didn't try expand it. His first suggestion was for 6-12 months. I said maybe the 3 months in the summer I can try and see how it goes. MIL will more likely try get us to stay. I guess because she likes the company since she is living alone and is always asking us to sleep over/come over and always have reason why we need to.

I am thinking to just look into other apartments and redo our budget a bit. I already found $100 I can shave off and that is even without cutting cable/internet. In June the 125 will be freed up and I might just have DS go to the public school, as of now he goes for speech so he qualifies to get free assistant before he enters K. I would rather choose an area with a quality public school so he can continue there for a few years. The one by his mom I don't like and I would feel like I need to put him in private school.

[texmati]

I wouldn't. I lived with my MIL and it nearly killed me.

[treeoflife3]

I just spent two months living at my mom's house because I was visiting for the holidays and with husband deployed, there was no point in going for just a short time.  by the end of the two months, I was actually wanting to claw my eyes out.  I had planned to stay a full week later than I ended up staying... no way could I stay any longer.

I don't recommend you do it.  Living with multiple generations in our society rarely seems to work out well based on everything I've seen on multiple forums.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by treeoflife3 

I just spent two months living at my mom's house because I was visiting for the holidays and with husband deployed, there was no point in going for just a short time.  by the end of the two months, I was actually wanting to claw my eyes out.  I had planned to stay a full week later than I ended up staying... no way could I stay any longer.

I don't recommend you do it.  Living with multiple generations in our society rarely seems to work out well based on everything I've seen on multiple forums.

Yes, this.  I am home visiting my parents for 8 months while my husband is deployed (had a baby, holidays, RnR) and I want to kick myself for coming up here.  June can not come soon enough.

[shelleyd]

I don't have any advice on the financial aspect of it.  But I just want to say don't do it unless you absolutely have to.  Dh and I lived with my MIL for 4 months last year.  We were in a desperate financial situation.  Dh was long term unemployed, we lost our house, et cetera.  Living with MIL was a last resort.  It was so hard.  I love my MIL.  She is an amazing mil, mother, and grandmother.  She is respectful of our parenting and any differences we have.  She and I are very close.  But it was still so hard living in somebody else's space and not having my own space.  I found myself becoming really annoyed with MIL over little things because I really just needed some space.  It was a bad cycle of me feeling annoyed with her and then feeling like a jerk for being annoyed with someone who was helping us out in such a huge way. As soon as we moved out, all those feelings disappeared.  I would never repeat that experience just to pay off some bills earlier.  

Good luck OP

[mattemma04]

How much will you need to contribute to MIL household? No rent but half of all the bills?

We lived with my mom and paid a varity of the bills,but we never felt like we were paying *enough*.Would get comments about the huge increase in the utilities.And well it was not our space no matter how much we paid.

Moving is a hassle but you will never really know how it is with MIL unless you move in. Maybe things would be great.And if you hate it you can just move.

OT but I am wondering if MIL will be leaving the house to your dh. Is his name  in the deed under a survivorship deed?My mom put me on hers so we can avoid probate.Her house will go to one of my kids,or sold and the money split.We don't want the kids to worry about monthly mortgage or rent payments. We had an elderly neigbor who actually transfered the house to her son,and she lived in it  till she could no longer stay home. This way the house did not go for medical bills/long term care.

[dex_millie]

Originally Posted by treeoflife3 

I just spent two months living at my mom's house because I was visiting for the holidays and with husband deployed, there was no point in going for just a short time.  by the end of the two months, I was actually wanting to claw my eyes out.  I had planned to stay a full week later than I ended up staying... no way could I stay any longer.

I don't recommend you do it.  Living with multiple generations in our society rarely seems to work out well based on everything I've seen on multiple forums.

Yea, I talked to DH, we will do our own thing. We are not so bad off that we need to make such a drastic change.

I stayed/visited my parents for about 6 weeks(after each baby) at least twice but I always feel comfortable. They both work and I have the house to myself, when they come home I use to be glad as DS would go upstairs with grandma and she would take the baby at times and I could sleep. I actually couldn't wait until they came home and my 17/18 year old sister was there too. They don't interfere with us and my dad really tries to show that he respect our decision in how we want to raise our children..although I might get the normal comments time from time that everyone gaves me (they can't have this..oh this missing out). The only thing I does miss is my familiar shopping stores, since they are in a caribbean islands with not that much choices of stores. The stores I do find with my products cost 3 times the amount.

But even with all that because my religious views have changed from theirs I do feel like I have to at least pretend I still have the important ones as to not end up in some type of debate or conversation. They don't even know the depth of how much it has changed, even my sister living with them keep somethings under cover it just keeps the peace more. We are still part of the religion as it is the closest we can find to our beliefs but at the same time we differ enough that we would be looked at as being true to it.

DH grew up living in multiple generations (and then raised by his grandma while his mom came to the states), but it was more like how apartments was they lived in a two story house where the downstairs and upstairs was like a separate apt. And my parents did for a few years also(about 3y.o), living in the downstairs apt. and my dad mom being upstairs. But that is different as I would do that since it is not actual living together in the same space. We was just always surrounded by family.

[dex_millie]

Originally Posted by mattemma04 

How much will you need to contribute to MIL household? No rent but half of all the bills?

We lived with my mom and paid a varity of the bills,but we never felt like we were paying *enough*.Would get comments about the huge increase in the utilities.And well it was not our space no matter how much we paid.

Moving is a hassle but you will never really know how it is with MIL unless you move in. Maybe things would be great.And if you hate it you can just move.

OT but I am wondering if MIL will be leaving the house to your dh. Is his name  in the deed under a survivorship deed?My mom put me on hers so we can avoid probate.Her house will go to one of my kids,or sold and the money split.We don't want the kids to worry about monthly mortgage or rent payments. We had an elderly neigbor who actually transfered the house to her son,and she lived in it  till she could no longer stay home. This way the house did not go for medical bills/long term care.

Not sure MIL plans, I don't even think she wants to spend the rest of her time there. She has been looking lately to move back to a caribbean island, eighter the one I am from or the one my mom is from (I know strange, she is not even thinking of moving back to her own island).

But what you wrote above is what my dad is doing..He already basically gave us most of our inhertience in the sense that me and my siblings each have property under our name, even though the one for my sister he has tenant on it. He is doing it so we don't have to go through the hassle of court and fees when the time comes as he and his other 7 siblings had to, it took about 2 years to get everything settled out.

[SleeplessMommy]

if you move into a "full" house, you will need to downsize household goods... furniture, kitchen, beds, etc. then you move out, you will need to buy all that again. don't do it. combine that with a longer commute for your husband, and much higher cost of organic groceries in the city, and it is a very costly experiment.

and IMHO, baltimore city schools are scary.

can you take the kids to the Carribean for the summer, and let dh stay with his Mom? i am not sure what that plane ticket would cost.

[ameliabedelia]

I would not do that, if it's going to stress you out and make life difficult   Home should be a save haven, not a place of more stress that you try to get away from.

If you are going to move, I would work on finding a cheaper apt. closer to his work (that would save a ton of money on gas as well).

[dex_millie]

Originally Posted by SleeplessMommy 

if you move into a "full" house, you will need to downsize household goods... furniture, kitchen, beds, etc. then you move out, you will need to buy all that again. don't do it. combine that with a longer commute for your husband, and much higher cost of organic groceries in the city, and it is a very costly experiment.

and IMHO, baltimore city schools are scary.

can you take the kids to the Carribean for the summer, and let dh stay with his Mom? i am not sure what that plane ticket would cost.

I wish I could go home this summer but for the past 2 summers I have been home for about 6 weeks with the kids and this summer we are going to his island for 10 days along with his mom, his brother and family and his aunt and her family, we haven't been there for 3 years.

And Baltimore City school does scare me also. I am not a public school person as I never been to one(and no we wasn't that privilage like that, it was a small Christian school that was just about 250 a month) but I am thinking of putting him in one if it is in a decent area..like maybe in Montgomery, Fairfax or Loundon County.