So I'm not even sure where to start. My DH and I have been together for 10 years (married for about half of that). We have 3 small children and I'm pregnant with our last baby. Since we've had kids I feel like our marriage has changed. I feel like I've changed! I feel we are so on edge all the time time. He says something to me and I get defensive/irritated/you name it. But also, he will say something to me, I wont hear him and say, "What?" (bc the kids are screaming or whatever) and he gets iiritated with me because I didnt hear him which then turns into me getting upset and saying things like, "Maybe we just shouldnt talk to one another anymore because clearly its not working!" I may throw the F bomb in there somewhere and storm off. We used to be so IN love. We used to go places and do things and have fun. I feel like having kids has put a huge strain on our marriage (not that I blame them AT ALL...this is what we both wanted). I feel like our sex life has taken a back seat. I feel like our communication with one another has been compromised. I just dont feel 'happy' at the moment and I dont think DH is either. We love each other very much and I know this. But something is going on and I dont know how to fix it. Yesterday was what set it off. We got into a stupid petty argument over lunch! I didnt understand what he was trying ot say to me therefore asking him to repeat himself. He got shitty with me, I got shitty back. I told him we just shouldnt talk to one another and left the room. I cried for 45 minutes. Then I left to go to the grocery store. I came home and cried some more. I spent most of the day upstairs while he stayed downstairs. Its 10:30am and we literally havent spoke/looked at each other since noon yesterday. He left for work today, gave the kids a kiss, told them he loved them, kissed me of the forehead and left. No I love you. Nothing. I cant stop crying. I feel so heartbroken. I'm not sure how to fix this. I KNOW its fixable. I know it. I know I'm hormonal and "always in a bad mood" as he puts it. To me it seems so hard to put so much effort into our relationship when I'm so busy with the kids, tired from being pregnant and being with the kids all day long. Its like he comes home from work, the kids are screaming, hungry etc...which puts me in a bad mood. I get snappy/defensive/you name it. I cant help it.
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**Ok so he just called as I was typing this** He said he was giving me the silent treatment like i was giving him. He said he loved me so much and we will get thru this. Then starting talking about other things.
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Maybe he doesnt think its such a big deal but he definately agreed that our marriage/relationship is stressed but that we will get thru it. I believe him. I do. We really do have such a strong relationship and we usualy communicate very well. But I still feel disconnected in some ways. I want to get back to the way we used to be. I know we cant do that fully bc we have small children. But even the romance/intimacy would be a great start. I have zero sex drive since becoming pregnant that I could care less about it. He has a very high sex drive. So when he initiates sex I usually get annoyed because thats the last thing I want to do. I know its important in a marriage so I do it anyway. But there is no romance. Not because of him though. Its because of me. I'm just like, "Ok lets just do it". We do it and thats it. I;m sure it will change after I have the baby but I cant be sure. Though I want it to change bc I feel like that would be a huge step for me/us. Even the playfulness in our relationship is gone. He will grab my butt, call me sexy etc... and I usually just bat him away. I shouldnt do that either. I mean, how would I feel if he never did those things?Â
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Like I said, I'm all over the place with this post. I guess Im just looking for some insight or something. I feel better after talking to him though but actions speak much louder than words and I want to get rid of this stress.
