my dd is 8 now (sheesh how did that happen so quickly) and i've had I hate you at 3 and 5. oh i've also had you are mean. all when she doesnt like what i told her.
at 3 it was an easier statement to make for her rather than say i dont like what you are doing. i got that later on. but not at that point.
the thing is being a single mom and afraid that everything was a sign of a 'broken' child, it really helped me to understand its more an expression of how close she is to me. how much she feels comfortable to air her views. how much she must feel accepted by me to air her 'not nice side'. and frankly i prefered that to the full body thrown wherever she was - even on the street, kick her legs and scream a huge tantrum.
at 5 i got to understand her inner workings. she would later come and tell me - mama you know i dont hate you. sometimes i get mad and i want to hit out. but then later i feel bad. at that moment i lose my head.
at 7 i have helped her to seriously control those emotions. and find other ways. which usually is putting some distance between us no matter where we are. its becasue its when consciousness is developing. and i find my dd is harder on herself than i have ever been. so i no longer ignore her behaviour. because one time seh was sad and upset for a week for doing what she did (which while it was happening i found hilarious and was trying really hard not to lol).
so my whole point of this is that if you are getting upset look into what is coming up for you. why are you getting upset so easily. the other times when i was upset i realised it brought back past issues and had nothing to do with dd and i hated taking it out on her.