depression and DH... i need help!

[natty529]

i have posted before about my dh and his/our attempts to manage his depression. it is a little bit of a long story, but i will try to give just the highlights.

just over a year ago he threatened to take his own life, so the rather passive attitude i had previously taken regarding his depression immediately changed and i got him to our doctor who recommended that visit a mental health facility. at the facility they recommended that he take part in the 3 day/week partial hospitalization program. he agreed, but left the program after only two weeks insisting that it wasn't right for him. 

after  that he got a therapist and a psychiatrist and was put on anti-depressants and for a little while, things were better. soon enough though, he became lax with his therapy appointments and stopped seeing him regularly, saying that we could not afford it (his insurance  does not have a mental health benefit) he continued (begrudgingly) to take his medication (paxil) but became practically debilitated by the side effects, he became profoundly lethargic, to the point that he would get angry with me for asking him to get out of bed in the middle of the day. he gained about 40 pounds, because of the severe lethargy NO sex drive and weight his psychiatrist changed his medication to wellbutrin. he then experienced horrible "electric shock" headaches, insomnia, not for a short time either... this has gone on for months and months.

in addition to all of this he has become increasingly angry, in fact i would call it rage. we have been together for 10 years and i have NEVER had any issues like those that have come up recently. he now yells at me, belittles and berates me and when he is really upset will say all of this trouble that he has gone through  is because of me. 

I have turned into a little bit of a mess because of all of this, i mean there is only so much a person can take before they start to crack! DH and i both think that he is not a good candidate for medication, that he is TOO bothered by the side affects to continue. he has also expressed that he would like to check into a hospital, i know he feels very out of sync, is overwhelmed by even the littlest things and reacts irrationally often- all things that he said. 

so, assuming he does get hospitalized, what happens? to him? to my son and i? does being hospitalized for depression qualify you or make you eligible for disability?

i want him to do what ever he needs to do to feel good and strong and healthy, but i am a little freaked out and overwhelmed at this prospect.

any help or advice is appreciated!

thanks for reading

[natty529]

anyone???

[mamababamba]

I am so sorry for you and your family. At least at this point it is undeniable and if your husband is asking for hospitalization it is likely the right move. I do think it will qualify him and your family for disability services but I don't know all the logistics. I am trying to get dh to the getting help part but couldn't read your post without sending a few hugs and hopes your way.

[natty529]

thank you 

[desertrose]

Natty, I haven't read through your prior posts yet, but I want to offer my support to you. I know firsthand about depression - I was in and out of depression for 8 years. I was "one of those 20 or 30% who don't respond to medication", I was suicidal countless times, and I was under the belief that my condition was permanent.

I fought tooth and nail for my own recovery when most had given up on me. I got through it. I made dietary, lifestyle, mental, and spiritual changes. I worked with a few healers here and there, and found help in herbal medicine.  I no longer have any problems with depression. It's been about 8 years free and clear of it.

Like I said, I don't know your husband's story. Maybe I'll check it out after I write this. I'd like to think there's hope.

The thing about the hospital is this- there's no easy way out. They will put him on medications. If he's a threat to himself or someone else, he needs to be contained until he's better, that is true. But a hospital doesn't solve anything in terms of somebody's condition. Unless you find an excellent alternative therapy program, I'm guessing you're not going to find what you're looking for (since medication isn't working for him, as you say). A hospital is generally for emergencies, and then they send you back home. Disability is very hard to get - I tried to a long time ago but they told me I should just be medicated and get a job. lol. But it's possible.

If medication isn't working - there's plenty of help out there. I can offer you my own knowledge, and beyond that you could see alternative practitioners and I guarantee that these can do wonders. There's so much out there. 

*hugs*

[Pookietooth]

(((hugs))) to you. It does sound like meds are hard for him to take, although he has only tried two. He might want to try Prozac as it doesn't cause as much weight gain (but it does cause fatigue in my experience). He would probably also benefit from a nutritional approach -- there are several threads on her about that. At the minimum B vitamins, fish oil, and a good multivitamin should help a bit. So sorry you and your family are going through this.

[Terrilein]

I'm sorry you and your DH are going through such a rough time! I don't know how things work in the US, but I was hospitalized here in Germany after a suicide attempt. I imagine that goals are the same: to stabilize your DH by finding the right med, do some initial therapy and find a therapist outside the hospital for when he leaves. I would also look into occupational therapy. If you were in Germany, I'd say send him in to the hospital. It will help so much. But I don't know how it works in the US so I don't want to give you any bad advice.

I don't respond to the usual depression meds either, except for one anti-anxiety med which my psychiatrist prescribed along with a anti-depressent. It's called Opipramol, and is well-known in Germany. It's actually for anxiety, panic attacks, etc. but it also works as a very light anti-depressent which is why I couldn't take it alone - it's supposedly too light, but when I phased out my meds that's the last one I took. Ask you doctor about it. Maybe he's heard of it and would be willing to let your husband try it. Opipramal helped me so much to relax. Before I started Opipramol, I had developed anger problems in the hospital, but I think that in hind-sight that was a sign of progress - showing my anger openly instead of raging against myself. It's also better than being passive aggressive. So I guess you could work on getting him to talk about what's bugging him, too.

I hope you get the help he needs. Gentle hugs to you and your DH

[SubliminalDarkness]

I think it might be a good idea. It could be that his diagnosis is not good. For example, some people with bipolar, when put on meds for depression, really spiral out of control. The rage you're describing sounds kind of like a bipolar situation to me, but I don't know enough to really say, nor am I qualified to do so. It sounds like he needs some help, and if you don't have a way to get him outpatient mental health care, then you need to try whatever avenues are available to you. 

[mamababamba]

Thinking of you and wondering how's it going?