How can I get past this?

[LilMamiBella]

I was seeing a midwife but had a uc in mind with an option to call her if I wanted her there. I ended up going to 42w+4 when I finally went to the hospital to be induced. I had tried everything before going in ( walking, breastfeeding, castor oil, b&b cohosh, epo,etc). The nurses really sweet and very accommodating. The midwife showed up hours later because of snow on the roads and not having 4wd. Anyway, I ended up getting the epidural and I could still feel everything. Water broke and was feeling ready to push within 1-2 hrs of arom. Baby was stuck in a weird position k guess because All the pushing I did hardly anything. I told them (the doctors) that I could get her out if they'd let me change positions butthey wouldnt let me change positions. They gave me two options which was cs or forceps. I chose forceps and they were able to get her out. Dh said he saw them rip her out of me. I had to have a ton of stitches. Poor baby girl. I hate that she didn't get the gentle birth I had envisioned for her. Dh says it was brutal. I was really out of it and even told the doctors but they said that was normal. Im so upset about this. Everything down there feels foreign. The baby has been very sleepy. The midwife.. I don't know I guess she did all she could do given that we were in a hospital. She did ask if I could do vacuum instead but they said no. Is there anything I can do for the baby? I dont know what the long term effects of forceps are.

[47chromosomes]

I'm sorry you had a rough birth.  Gosh, how scary.  I've never had forceps and don't know the long term effects for a baby or a mama when they are used.  Our little guy had a rough birth.  Like yours, pushing was not doing anything, and we couldn't use position changes due to his heart rate not tolerating any upright position.  When our little one finally found a way through my pelvic inlet, he was born fast, and it was a rough ride.  Pitocin was added, the midwife pulling on him with all her might, and me pushing him out as fast and hard as I could.  He needed to be born quickly.  He sustained a broken clavicle in the process.

What amazes me about my son's birth and recovery is how fast newborns heal.  It's as if they are *made* with the explicit fact that sometimes there is trauma in birth.  They are *made* to heal well (that even their bones can break for them to be born, and it will be okay).  But of course there are still things a parent can do to aid that healing.  We made sure to take our recovery extra slow.  Dh stayed home longer so I could have extra time to just hold out little boy, who had been through so much (and I needed time to heal as well).  We also took him to see an osteopath for cranial-sacral therapy, which I think was a great way to help his little body heal better and be more comfortable.  I have to say, after his rough entry into the world, complete with mama/baby separation for a couple scary hours after the birth, our DS has grown to be our most well attached, and peaceful baby.  His clavicle was healed completely by 5 weeks.  He is just a joy.  I hope for the same for your sweet daughter.  I've so much compassion and admiration now for newborns who endure a rough welcome to the world.