Tears or Whining everytime something fun ends...

[flower01]

DD has always been this way.  She is almost 4 now and it's gotten a lot worse.  It used to mainly be when we have to leave somewhere.  But, now it is anything...if I let her watch a tv show, she starts crying 3 minutes before it's over. If we are playing a game, she starts whining that she doesn't want to stop playing...before it's even over.  The worst is when we are at a friends house.  We have tried every recommendation and the best thing to do now, is to not give her warning...when it's time we just pack up and go and give her the option to say goodbye or not....she usually opts "no" and cries as we leave. But, this means that we are frantically leaving in tears ALWAYS.   I really thought that this was something she would eventually outgrow, but the fact that it's now moved onto things at home...the tv, the games, etc makes me feel like I need a way to work on this with her.  DH and I are getting so frustrated because every single thing we do for fun ends in tears. We talk to her about being grateful...and get her excited about something in the future, but there isn't always something fun in the near future. Sometimes bedtime is the next activity...

Any thoughts, strategies. 

[LynnS6]

Wait a year for her to outgrow it?

Have you tried just saying "It's hard when fun things end, isn't it?" and then moving on matter-of-factly? She's learning self-regulation and it's hard. It's a harder skill for some than it is for others. Our ds had amazing self-control at 3, our dd had zip. Even at 6 1/2, she breaks down in tears about once a day. It's getting better, but it's been a long process.

[mamazee]

I agree with LynnS6.  This is an aspect of maturity that not all kids are going to have at 4.  But to some extent she'll pick up on how to deal with disappointment, not being able to have everything she wants, and having to stop doing fun things by how you respond to it.  Just like what Lynn said, I'd briefly empathize and try to be matter of fact to put forward the message that it's just part of life and OK.  It can also help if sometimes when you are doing something fun and have to stop, if you think of it, maybe just casually bring it up.  "I was really enjoying reading my book, but it's time to stop because I have to do X."  She'll learn from how you deal with things more than in any other way.

[madskye]

A quiet talk at bedtime?  If it's a recurring thing, you might want to talk to her about it at a less charged time.  Ask her if she can think of anything that would make it easier to make transitions, because you know it can't be fun for her to cry all the time.  Ask her what happens when she cries. Point out that most of the time (all of the time) she ends up having to leave/stop playing/turn off the tv anyway--and that it just makes it unpleasant and she loses that happy feeling.

DD does this sometimes.  It's usually when she's really tired.  We watched Despicable Me (which is really cute!) this weekend and as soon as it ended--I didn't even turn it off--she burst into tears.  I think she really gets into things and when she's really immersed it's hard and emotional to come back to the real world.  She literally didn't want it to end.

[NellieKatz]

It's horrible-sounding, embarrassing and inconvenient for us as parents, but they are her feelings, so I imagine that trying to talk her out of them or communicate to her that certain of her feelings are inconvenient for others is going to be counter-productive. Maybe just empathize, indicating that you "hear" what she is trying to say ("it feels really bad to stop doing something fun!" "you were enjoying this visit, weren't you?"). But other than that, don't get drawn into it. This happens with our son; he is very emotional sometimes. Beyond acknowledging and empathizing with him, we have to then force ourselves to move on. It's not something that requires full family participation. And I think that by sucking us in, either by getting a rise out of us, or getting us to try and stop the crying, or convincing him or solving/rescuing.....all that.....by involving us it's like adding oxygen to a fire...it just keeps it going longer. I'm sure she's not doing it to be bad or annoying; they're just her feelings and maybe she needs to feel accepted regardless of her feelings. Maybe then it will lessen? Because surely the crying and drama are serving some kind of purpose for her. It would be wise to try and figure out what she does get out of it.

[asraidevin]

There is a great book on connecting with kids who have what we consider over the top emotional reactions. http://connectedparenting.com/

Connected Parenting. It was so great. My daughter is mostly over that stage, it would have been so useful when she was.