I wasn't sure what to put as a title...but I am just looking o vent I guess. I have a 2.5 year old and a 2 month old and over the past two weeks have been increasingly more dpressed and irritable. I have lost my appetite, everything seems to set me off, I am feeling weepy at the drop of a hat...feel isolated and alone. The worst part is that I feel totally disconnected to my two year old...I'm finding it so hard to deal with her normal 2 year old stuff and find myself yelling and saying things that I feel guilty about later. Anyway, this has been a rough two months...every breastfeeding problem there is (things are better now) I've had chronic UTI's, plugged ducts, mastitis...so it's been one trip to the dr after another. Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I just feel sad and need to write it out I guess to other women who understand. It feels like everyone around me is happy and adjusting great to having two kids and I feel like I'm sinking and the worst mother in the world. I have an appt to see someone on thursday, so maybe that will help.
PPD with two kids
Hugs to you mama. I remember being in your shoes with a newborn and a 2 year old. It is hard. In fact just today I talked to two moms who just had their second babies and were saying how easy and wonderful things are going and how much the new baby is loved by the older sib. I actually wanted to cry because I remembered how much dd hated the new baby and how tired I was and how isolated I felt. It was a happy time in so many ways but also a very challenging time too. If you are also having breastfeeding problems and UTI's (a UTI is awful to go through anyhow but especially postpartum I'm sure!) that puts a lot more on you too.
You are not the worst mother in the world! We all adjust differently. And remember the other people who seem to be floating by have their moments too, we just aren't always there to see them when they are down. This is a precious time and the difficult parts will get easier with time. Do what you need to take care of yourself and your kids. I really felt like I needed a mentor at that time and someone to help me sort out the way that I was feeling, but I didn't have anyone to turn to so I think that it's a great idea to talk to someone. PM me if you just need to vent or want to address something specific. Best wishes!!!
It is hard.
My older ds is 3, baby is 4 months old. It is SO hard.
And that disconnect from the older child--definitely btdt.
You are not alone. At all. Gestational Diabetes occurs in 2-3% of all pregnancies and all pregnant women are screened for it. Post partum depression occurs in 20-30% of all moms and the screening is practically non-existant. Many of those moms who look like they are adjusting 'so well' may, in fact, be going through what you are but either refusing to acknowledge it or trying to hide it. A big factor of PPD is feeling alone and disconnected and 'weird'.
Talking to a doctor, finding a therapist, finding post-partum or mothers support groups are key.
I know how hard it can feel to do the basics to take care of oneself. Eating regularly, much less good foods, getting some walking in every day, drinking enough water, personal grooming....all seem very overwhelming right now. They do make a difference though. It will feel like you are fighting all the time at first, but over time it becomes second nature.
And it DOES get better. Don't listen to that voice telling you it won't or that you will be that rare case that doesn't get better--it's lying.
Sending lots and lots of hugs!
I am feeling disconnected from my 2.5 year old, too, and have found myself in that position of guilt you described for not being able to handle his normal 2.5 year old behavior because of my PPD/Anxiety. You are definitely NOT alone. I feel like an awful mom, too; like I'm failing. And I agree with JTA Mom about other moms hiding it. Just yesterday we went to church and when we got there I just sat in the car, crying saying "I can't do this today." A few minutes later I went in and tried to act as normal as possible and teach a class. I know most everybody has no idea what my every day life is like right now and those I have told are surprised. So again, you are not alone. Sorry I don't have any advice, as I am just starting my healing process with professionals. Just know that I hear you and feel for you and that your feelings are valid. xo