Am I bound to have a horrible birth?

[momtoS]

I have been denied a homebirth. I had my heart set on it.

I can't talk or think about a hospital birth without crying.

Will this effect my birth? Is it at all possible that I could still have a good birth?

[mumofmak]

I'm sorry to hear your news. I understand how upsetting it is not to get the setting of your choice.  But of course it's possible to have a good birth in the hospital - it just might take a little more planning and preparation. Without knowing more about your situation, it's hard to give specific advice though. But my first is....  find a way to hire an experienced doula.

Best of luck for a safe and satisfying birth experience where ever it turns out to be. 

[momtoS]

There are no doulas in my community.

I will (so far) still have my midwife attending.

[jenniferadurham]

I think you should grieve not getting what you want, and then realize that a healthy baby and mama is the ULTIMATE goal here. If you go into a situation thinking the worse...then you won't be relaxed and the situation won't be what it NEEDS to be. Take a few days and think of ways to make this work. Its not the end of the world....its the beginning of a FANTASTIC life!

You can do this mama....you are STRONG and MIGHTY!

Get some support if at all possible. Read up on some books, and wrap your head around this new experience you are going to have. It will only be horrible if YOU ALLOW it to be.


Hugs and best wishes for you!!!!!!!

[BabyBearsMummy]

Sorry about the loss of your dreamed of home birth :(

It is possible to have a great hospital birth. It takes self education, the ability to stand up for your birth plan, and insistence on true informed consent/informed refusal.  A supportive medical professional makes it so much easier not only to achieve your desired birth but also to trust when they do recommend interventions.

FYI I recommend against using "unless medically necessary" in you birth plan many doctors have been known to have patients suddenly have medical emergencies in order to justify unneeded medical interventions.

[Italiamom]

Originally Posted by jenniferadurham 

You can do this mama....you are STRONG and MIGHTY!

To answer the original question of your thread, NO!  I don't think you're now destined to have a bad birth.  Hospitals aren't necessarily the enemy, they just require a whole lot more prep.  Prep your DP, like crazy!  You mention there aren't any Doulas in your area.  Have you tried posting in your tribal area to find one?  Or even just a really bad-ass MDC mama who can be on the same page with you IRL?  What part of the world are you in?  You mention your midwife *might* be there...  What's up with that?

Grieve for the loss that is your homebirth...  And it is a loss!  But start prepping and stay strong and advocate for yourself!

[goldenwillow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenniferadurham 

You can do this mama....you are STRONG and MIGHTY!

Or even just a really bad-ass MDC mama who can be on the same page with you IRL?  What part of the world are you in?  You mention your midwife *might* be there...  What's up with that?

Grieve for the loss that is your homebirth...  And it is a loss!  But start prepping and stay strong and advocate for yourself!

I second this! 

First... I want to offer a hug. 

I think you have been presented with a choice.  It is your own will that can lead you to have a great birth, which I am sure you know. 

I agree that there will be more preparations.... do you already have a back up birth plan?  That was a pre-rec for us.  So, focus on that.  Your MW will can be your advocate.  My hope is that she would be there as well.   I love the idea of another bad-ass MDC mama to help, that made me just crack up.  Where is your lo-cal?  Someone around here will know someone, KWIM?!   There is a way.  If I am close.. I will man the door!!!  I am no small fry.. they'd have to really push to get in, lol!
 

Things change.... urgh....  Trust me, prior to DS I was a PLANNER... that has changed a bit since his birth... so I understand.  I just attended a LLL meeting this AM and saw a gal that was planning a HB (she has my MW) and she had mentioned that she had DD at the hosp because she was overdue quite a bit.  She beamed with joy that her hosp birth was fantastic. 

[HappyMamaBeth]

I had a wonderful, intervention-free hospital birth with my son.  Okay, one intervention--a shot of Pitocin in my leg post-delivery.  But that was it, no IV, no episiotomy, etc.  So yes, I absolutely believe it's possible.  I agree that having a doula or a close friend who shares your beliefs about birth present as your advocate could be very helpful.

I've never heard of a community without a doula... where do you live?

[bella99]

26 months ago I gave birth in a hospital based birth center.  No IV, no episiotomy, intermittent monitoring.  No pain meds, etc.  The environment was supportive, positive, and encouraging!  It is possible!

I plan to give birth at the same birth center any day, if only the last 5 days of contractions kick into active labor and this baby decides to show her face!

[msmiranda]

For my first son's birth, I was planning on the birth center but I risked out the last week of my pregnancy because my blood pressure edged up a bit (130s/80s, it was totally bogus but that's another story).  When I accepted that I would have to give birth in the hospital, I cried for two days straight.  Then I pulled myself together, made a detailed birth plan, and talked it over with my midwife.  In the end I had a very good hospital birth with no interventions.  I stayed home for a long time and got checked at the birth center to make sure I was in active labor before going to the hospital -- any possibility of you doing that?  I was only there 4 hours before baby was born.  I didn't love the postpartum stay but the birth part went fine.  So it's totally possible!  Especially since you still have your midwife attending.  Having a care provider you trust is a wonderful thing. 

[Lisa1970]

Why were you denied a home birth? You could still UC.

[happy2bamama]

The book (and birthing classes) "Birthing From Within" by Pam England would be invaluable to you.  Check out their website too www.birthingfromwithin.com. 

[BabyBearsMummy]

Originally Posted by momtoS 

There are no doulas in my community. 

Are you 110% certain  there are no doulas in your area?

[homemademom]

I lost one of my homebirths, too. I went from blissfully planning my hb on a Monday to meeting the OB on a Wednesday and being induced on Friday. I cried so much.  Thankfully, my mw was able to be with me.  Honestly, it wasn't horrible.  I had to be induced, so that sucked, but the OB respected my wishes on most everything. Didn't have to push on my back, no eye goop or vit K shot, baby slept in bed with me, discharged 12 hours later. I had to give in on a few things due to the circumstances of the transfer and doctor liability, but overall, I felt like it turned out as well as it could have.  

Things I see in your favor are that you have a little time to prepare. Get a birth plan together.  If you don't have to be induced, even better.  Do you know the OB you're transferring to?  Does your mw? Talk to them about what you want. Let your mw know what kind of support you want and what interference you'd like for her to run for you at the hospital.

I think you can have a wonderful birth! I'm wishing you a birth day of feeling strong and empowered, of wonderful nurses, a receptive OB and an easy, uneventful labor!

[First Time Mama]

 No! You can definitely still have a good birth. I have planned a home birth with each of my pregnancies (just had my second child) but had to transfer in labor both times. First time was awful and ended with a c section. This time was a really good experience with supportive, understanding hospital staff and I still achieved a vbac! No, it wasn't my perfect, ideal, dream birth but it was a good experience. I am still sad that neither of my children were born at home, that I tried so hard both times and didn't achieve a home birth, but there are circumstances beyond anyone's control, and unfornately this happened to me twice. I hope you can have a positive experience, and maybe you will get really lucky like I did, and get supportive staff. I was shocked, but I was able to vbac without a fight, and my midwives support meant the world to me, I really hope your midwife can be with you and support you.

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

Why were you denied a home birth? You could still UC.

[Smokering]

I'm sorry, it really does suck. In a way it's good you have a few days (weeks?) to get used to the idea, though; I found out at the hospital that they weren't going to let me go home, and were going to induce me the next morning, and I had to come to terms with it in the hospital itself. It was quite disorienting, and frankly I didn't come to terms with it very well. And the birth was pretty bad - but largely because of my attitude, fears and so on, not because of Evil Hospital Interventions. Looking back, it could have been a lot worse - my midwife was there the whole time, no continuous fetal monitoring, no epidural or episiotomy, no tearing, and so on.

My mother had at least one really amazing, peaceful, "spiritual" birth in a natural birth-friendly hospital. So it is definitely, absolutely possible. The good thing is, you have time to plan! You can pack yourself an awesome birth bag with some "home comforts" - freeze some chicken soup, or whatever comfort food you make really well, and get them to store it at the hospital and give it to you after the birth. Pack wheatie bags, RRL tea, herbal sitz stuff, CDs, whatever you want.

Do you have time/money to do some last-minute Hypnobabies or counselling or something before the birth? I think working through your disappointment is the biggest thing, so you can approach the birth with excitement rather than anger or resignation or dread. It's not nearly as simple as "Get over it", though, so maybe some professional counselling - or even just talking to experienced BTDT mamas - would help?

[noahs.mom06]

I've been in that situation, in my last pregnancy. It sucked, and it is really important to grieve that loss. But I agree with everyone else who says that it doesn't have to mean you'll have a horrible birth. My birth with my daughter was extra complicated because of her condition and my fear of the unknown about what would happen with DD after she was born, but it definitely wasn't horrible. It was a good learning experience, and I know it has made me a better doula... Here is a book about "homebirth in the hospital", and here are some resources I have found about how to make the best of the situation. I hope you are able to come to terms, find a doula or another good support person/advocate (there must be someone in your area, even if not in your immediate area... I frequently travel over 50 miles one way to births in a community that doesn't have any doulas), and have a beautiful birth experience!

[Banana731]

You can have a hospital birth with very few interventions. It is absolutely possible to have great staff who care about your wishes and help facilliate them, and if not, it's absolutely possible to exercise you rights as a patient in the face of adveserial staff and still get what you want.

Will it be a "good birth?" is something only you can answer. It will never be a homebirth, or even close to one (I assume we are talking straight up hospital not bc) but if you can come to terms with that then it can still be a positive experience. You are still going to give birth to a new life, which is a super-amazing thing no matter what. And with determination it can be on mostly your terms. If you can reframe your expectations and accept the reality of hospital birthing, then I think you can still have a very happy and satisfying birth. Best wishes to you!

[tzs]

oh for sure you can!

i think just having in mind the fact that the best birth is one that ends up with a healthy baby and mama and a happy family....period....is really helpful. 

i ended up having more interventions than i expected (pitocin and epidural, monitoring including the one that goes in the babe's head, had to lie flat the whole time...) but the staff was faced with a situation of water breaking with no labor, meconium, very high blood pressure, and some really concerning decels. i had a very experienced doula (and birth center owner) with me mainly to advocate and she said she was shocked i didn't have to have a c-section or at least more intervention and totally attributed it to the "all's well that ends well" attitude that we all had. 

and even with all that was going on i really felt like i had a choice in everything that that they did.