Will I ever feel better??

[Belia]

I have been so unbelievably down lately.... intermixed with periods of heart-pounding panic attacks for good measure.

I just feel like a horrible person.  I have a great husband and an AMAZING son who is the light of my life.... and yet I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life.  I look forward to seeing them all day, then as soon as I do I want them to go away... its too hard to be "on" as mom.

My job is so stressful, but I don't know if these feelings are making me bad at my job, or if the fact that I'm bad at my job is making me depressed.  The worst part is that I have very little support from my higher-ups, so I feel like I'm out on a limb every day.  And the reason they don't like me is because I'm not a member of the boys' club, and I don't hang out with the cool kids.  Yes, my job is JUST like high school.  And just like in high school, I'm not popular.

I can't quit.  I make more $$$$ than DH, and we're barely making ends meet now.  Darn house seemed so reasonable before we had the baby, but now we're drowning.

I want to cry so bad, but the tears are stuck in my throat.

WIll it ever get better?  Will I ever feel good again?

P.S.  I have been diagnosed with (SURPRISE!) depression and anxiety.  I see a shrink as well as a counselor, although I've had to cut back on my visits due to a change in insurance, and I'm on meds.  I guess I'm just getting tired of fighting this.  These funks come, and sometimes they go, but they ALWAYS.  COME.  BACK.  It's getting old. I feel doomed.

Please, someone tell me they care.

[goodygumdrops]

I just typed up this long post and it got deleted...darn. 

Basically, I was just saying that you are not alone and I have been going through similar experience.  I sometimes am feeling great and then other times I'm just down in the dumps...like tonight.  I think I'm coming down with a cold and it makes me more vulnerable to depression.  I actually had a nice day but tinged with a little anxiety and I think I just couldn't deal. 

I hope you get some rest tonight and have a better day tomorrow. 

[goodygumdrops]

Oh, and I have also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I am on meds.  Sometimes they work great and then I have breakthrough anxiety and depression.  yucky!

[Hykue]

I care. I relate. I have been reading a book that seems to be helping me through this a little tiny bit at a time. It's called Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy, by David D Burns. I have no idea if it can be as helpful for everyone as it is for me, but I really do think it's helping me. It was recommended to my dad for depression at his first counseling session. It's based on cognitive therapy, if that means anything to you. The idea behind it is to help you feel better, regardless of circumstances you are in. And the basis for it is that your moods and feelings follow directly from your thoughts, so if you can change, refute, or recognize as irrational those thoughts, you can replace them with better thoughts and thus change your moods. I'm really bad at explaining this, I swear there's really something to it. At the same time, I want to mention that your circumstances do sound very stressful, and I'm so sorry that we live in a society that allows and even encourages these stressful, out-on-a-limb type lives. I'm sorry, and I hope you can focus on the positive strides that you're making instead of the inevitable backslides along the way - if you weren't moving forward, there would be no "back" for you to slide to, right? Just keep thinking of how much better you're doing - feeling doomed is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and feeling hopeful is too (albeit a much slower one). Sorry, I know I just said "just" do this, like you can simply decide to do it and it will happen - I know if you COULD do that so easily you already would have. But keep coming back to trying to focus on the positive. Hugs!

[Belia]

Today was another bad day.  Work sucked.  I was fine when everyone would leave me alone, but as soon as anyone looked at me cross-eyed, I went from zero to B!TCH instantly.  It was frightening.  I usually have a much longer fuse than that, even when I'm feeling my worst.

And today when I picked up DS from school the teacher made me wait in the hall.  I felt like a total failure.

I am hanging on by the thinnest of threads.

[A&A]

Have you had your thyroid checked?  That can make a big difference in how you feel.

[Belia]

Yes to the thyroid.  I am hypothyroid and taking synthroid.  I've been on it since the birth of my son.  I guess sometimes pregnancy messes with it?!?!?

[JulianneW]

I have battled hypothyroid from the last 5 years. I know how tough and terrible it can be. I was so excited when someone finally told me its not all in your head, your not a terrible person you have a hormonal imbalance. The information that saved me I found on the following website, it has been an invaluable resource.

Synthroid is a T-4 only medication I would really look into a desiccated thyroid medication like Armour. 

http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/t4-only-meds-dont-work/

http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/thyroid-depression-mental-health/

In case your curious the medications that I have been able to stabilize on are Amour, isocort and adrenamin.

Its very important to find a doctor that really understands the thyroid. I go to a integrative medical practice and I think that makes a big difference with how it is treated.

[LessTraveledBy]

Yes, Mama, THERE IS HOPE!!! Hypothyroidism can cause just awful things. Please, please go to a doctor who will prescribe Armour or Thyroid (by Canadian Erfa) for you. Then make sure you find the right amoung to take. Things WILL get better!