DD (2 years) is constnatly acting out, going through a lot of changes

[physmom]

It feels like DD's behavior is just getting worse and worse and we're at a loss on what to do!  We've been going through a million changes lately and I know that's affecting her but things won't settle down for awhile so I need something to do in the meantime!!! Basically since the end of November we've been traveling non-stop.  We just moved to Brazil so she's dealing with culture differences, language differences (she does speak the local language but her English is vastly superior to Portuguese and she's having problems with no one understanding her wants/needs besides DH or myself), we had to give up our cat (DH is severly allergic i.e. has been in the hospital numerous times), and we're currently living with the in-laws for the next month and a half before DH's new job kicks in (and then we'll move to a new city, new apt, she'll start a new school etc.).  Oh, and I'm pregnant too so there's that. 

Obviously this kid is going through a lot and man does it show... Here's what we've been dealing with:

-touching the trash the second she's on the potty no matter where we are (it is especially bad here since you can't flush toilet paper so you have dirty used toilet paper in there!!!!)

-slamming the in-laws glass shelves with her toy airplane

-today after DH told her she was done with the bathroom (she had finished going) she flipped out and took the in-laws phone and threw it (it was still plugged into the wall)

-freaking out if anybody tries to take her to the bathroom besides me (not good because morning sickness hits me first thing in the morning if I get up too quickly... exactly when she needs to go)

-hitting herself (she been doing this a lot lately but then will remind herself not to hit herself)

We tried to tell her right away the areas that she either has to be gentle with or can't play with (basically the glass shelves and the computer desk/phone area) but, of course, that's where she goes immediately when she's upset.  We're trying to provide consistency as much as possible (DH and I have numerous errands to run due to setting up our jobs, etc so  MIL is watching her often during the days) but we eat meals at the same time, she doesn't nap anymore so that's not an issue, but we're trying to get some sort of rhythm to the day. But it feels like things are just getting worse and worse.  DD's pretty verbal and to some extend can be reasoned with (but again she's a toddler so she has little impulse control) so to some extent explaining the situation does help.  But beyond that I really don't know what to do! I feel like we're yelling at her way too much but natural consequences don't seem to be helping (and seriously what natural consequence can you do with the trash thing when she's going to the potty??).  I don't know, I'm at a loss here...

I should also say that the in-laws are putting a lot of pressure on DH to "fix" DD.  She's a sensitive kid in general (we've expected sensory issues along with her ped for awhile but it hasn't affected her development) and much more active than DH was when he was a kid (he was an only child and very much the "perfect" kid who would sit and play quietly forever) so they don't have much experience with kids like DD.  On top of that FIL is depressed (to the point he can't work) so that adds to all the stress of everything. It seems most everything gets blamed on DD still nursing (and I'm SURE we're going to become one of those stories about why you shouldn't do extended nursing amongst the family).  We are trying to getting DD to cut back, though, because I'm pretty overwhelmed with the nursing and my pregnancy (she's nowhere near night-weaned and would nurse non-stop all day long if I'd let her).  

[physmom]

Sorry, I know the post was long already but I just wanted to add some more details.  DD also had a lot of separation anxiety. She acts well when I'm not around or when it's just me and her (sometimes she's ok with DH being there too sometimes not) but if I'm there with a group of people she flips out and becomes super-clingy (this has been happening for many, many months and just keeps getting worse).  Also before our move we tried to talk to her about it ease the transition.  So it seems that she understands that we're getting a new home eventually and that our cat is now living with her old babysitter (that doesn't make her happy about it but talking about it did seem to help it sink in more).  Oh, and baths are also extremely stressful for her (anything to do with her hair) and I just heard a screaming full-blown tantrum because MIL and DH had to wash her hair (I'm currently "at work" hiding in the bedroom so I can get a few things done because if I wouldn't been there it would've been infinitely worse :( ).

[mnj77]

I don't have any profound advice, but I wonder if giving her the opportunity for a nap would help?  Just reading about all that's going on in your life makes me feel like taking one!  My dd is almost 4, and doesn't nap consistently, but sometimes she gets so tired that she's just impossible and she takes a long nap and feels better.  Maybe just doing a "quiet time" every day would give her some rest and recentering?  Just a thought.  Good luck with everything!

[physmom]

Thanks, we´ve tried (actually today even) but she absolutely refuses to sleep at night!  Tonight it´s already 1.5 hours after her ususal bed time and she´s running around prettending to be either a cat or a dog.  Sigh.. I so wish naps would work for us, though!  I certainly need one! ;)

Originally Posted by mnj77 

I don't have any profound advice, but I wonder if giving her the opportunity for a nap would help?  Just reading about all that's going on in your life makes me feel like taking one!  My dd is almost 4, and doesn't nap consistently, but sometimes she gets so tired that she's just impossible and she takes a long nap and feels better.  Maybe just doing a "quiet time" every day would give her some rest and recentering?  Just a thought.  Good luck with everything!

[ssh]

You said you've been through a million changes lately and small children react to stress by acting out and by being clingy. We moved when right before my DD turned 3 and then took a vacation out of state. When she came back she wanted to be in the same room with me all the time and increased her daily nursing for a few weeks. I took care of the extra needs she seemed to have and things got back to normal in a couple of months. 2 year olds don't have any impulse control so we didn't have any breakable or dangerous things within reach. Childproofing really wasn't that hard. As for hating bathtime, my DD went through a period of being afraid of having water in her face. We stopped washing her hair and let her just play in the water. I started letting her play in the shower and it wasn't long until she was rinsing her own hair during play. We still don't use shampoo. At age 5 she rinses it really well in the bath or shower. We think it's important to respect our DD's personal autonomy and we also didn't want her to become afraid of water. It's ironic people are blaming your DD's normal 2 year old behavior on extended nursing because your DD's behavior would probably be worse if she didn't have that to help her feel secure and for stress relief.

[physmom]

Sigh, I posted a nice long reply and then when I hit send MDC decided not to work...

Basically long story short DD's doing a lot better but is hitting now and still freaking out if I go anywhere.  To get her to leave the apt with MIL or DH, I have to pretend to go to work first and hide somewhere otherwise she won't leave the house with them.

Like ssh said we're giving her tons of love and attention (actually DH hasn't got back to work yet so we're both around a lot more than normal).