How to manage hair pulling, biting, pinching, etc. when nothing is working?

[sarahsmiles]

I know this is a common problem, but I'm just not making any progress. DS is 18 months old, and his desire to pinch, bite, pull, etc. is not abating at all. I usually manage to get him to stop biting while nursing with putting him down and telling him we won't nurse if he bites, but the other behaviors are becoming a real problem.

Last night, for example, I needed to hold him because he was trying to climb into the oven while I was taking out hot food. I pick him up and he pinches me VERY hard. I put him down (after shutting the over) and tell him pinching hurts. DD wanders into the room and he pulls her hair!

This has been escalating for several months and none of our responses seem to help. He giggles and smiles and thinks it's funny, even though we have never laughed. DH, in fact, has been so shocked and hurt sometimes with the toe biting or ear pulling that he has slapped DS's hands away without thinking.

DD got over this pretty quickly ... maybe it's a boy thing? ;)

[Courtney-Ostaff]

From Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler--Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child 

Page 119:

Instead of expecting your child to comprehend and "mind" when you say no, follow through with action. You might say "No biting" while gently cupping your hand over the child's mouth and removing him from biting range. You might say "No hitting" while removing him and showing him what he can do. The "no" may be more for your benefit than the child's--it helps you create the energy you need for kind and firm action.

Page 145:

.....supervision and distraction (over and over) are about the only things that are effective at this age--at least regarding pets.  When she pulls your hair while nursing, however, it can be effective to immediately (kindly and firmly) put her down and walk out of the room for 60 seconds.  Then try nursing again.  She may cry for that minute, but children this age learn more from kind and firm action than from words.

Page 227:

When your child shows anger:

• Use words to label the feelings.
• Validate the feelings.
• Provide appropriate ways for your child to express his feelings.

[sarahsmiles]

I was so happy to notice a reply!

I've tried all the gentle discipline techniques. Distraction doesn't work, and supervision only goes as far as actually being able to remove him when needed. When you can't remove a toddler from a situation because he will pinch you so hard you'll drop him, it's getting serious. Maybe I had more patience with child #1, or perhaps it's complicated because DD is often either a catalyst or a victim of his biting and slapping herself.

I'll do some more searching and hope people have mentioned this serious of a problem before on another thread.

[seasiren]

This is a very important subject for me these days. Today in particular my 14 mo old son bit my nipple so hard it drew blood. Ouch! I have been on edge all day about it. In regards to gentle dis how do you validate feelings when you aren't sure what they are. DS will pull his fathers hair when they are wrestling. When he pulls our hair to get us up in the morning I get what he wants, or when he starts biting when he wants to nurse or eat I get that, but out of no where, not sure what his feelings are exactly when that happens. Seems that our puppy makes him feel he needs to communicate that way. We just sent the puppy to a new home so hoping he will be less frustrated with being beat up by another baby with teeth.

I think having patience and also being very stern every now and then makes an impact, (Rudolph Steiner).