DS got into that routine 3-4 months ago (he's almost 3)... oh goodness, it's not fun. Add to that, he was also pretending to shoot us when he got mad. And he would actually say things like "You're dead!"
In our case, we had gotten in a bad habit of watching too many movies that weren't awful, but probably alsow not age appropriate (like Toy Story). So we cut wayyyy back on movies and also put a ban on any movie that had any kind shooting in it. That was the first step, and it may not apply to your situation.
For dealing with hitting. If he hits me, it's a one strike and you're out thing at our house. He doesn't get any chances with hitting or other hurtful behavior. If he hits, I don't get mad, but I immediately pick him up, tell him that I don't like it when he hits me. I carry him to his room and tell him that he can come play when he can be nice and pleasant. Then I shut the door and walk away. I do this with as little emotion as humanly possible. And I don't force him to stay in his room. He usually immediately starts crying, then comes out of his room and asks me to hold him. Then I ask if he's ready to be nice and pleasant. He usually says yes, we cuddle for a few minutes and life goes back to normal and playful. If he comes back out, but still isn't being pleasant, then it's lather, rinse, repeat. As part of this process, we are teaching him that it's important to say I'm sorry when we hurt some one. I don't force an apology, but he usually says, "I'm sorry for hitting you" within about 15 minutes of the whole thing. I know that a lot of people at MDC aren't big on time outs, but I will say that this has dramatically improved the hitting situation in our house. And I don't really view it as time out, b/c I'm not putting a limit on how long he has to stay in his room. I actually see it as more of a natural consequence b/c when you play with people, and you become hurtful, chances are they probably won't want to play with you any more. And now, if he starts to get out of hand, and I even hint that I don't want to play when he is behaving like that, he will immediately stop and say, "I want to be pleasant, mommy." We cuddle for a few minutes and things go back to normal (most of the time--it's not a 100% of the time solution, but it has been successful for the most part).
For dealing with the "I don't want to xyz" battles, it really depends on the battle. Is it REALLY so important that he do this right now? If so, and he's refusing his choices, then I pick him up and do it for him (in the case of getting dressed, I carry him to his room and put his clothes on him). I don't get mad or try to bargain with him or anything. I just do it. If we're in a situation where it's more of a preferential thing on my part, then I do offer playfulness, choices, and negotiations. Or I just wait until he's ready to do it himself.
One of the choices I offer that usually works really well with him right now is that I will count, but I will give him a choice of how high I count. This morning for example, we were at a playdate at a local play cafe, and it was time to put his coat on and go home. So I asked him if he wanted to play until I counted to 5 or to 10 before putting his jacket on. He chose 10. I sat right next to him and counted to 10 (he joined in the counting). When I got to 10, he climbed off the toy, put his jacket on and held my hand while we walked out of the cafe.
ETA: We do talk a lot about feelings. "you must be really mad." "I can't tell you don't want to do this right now. It's really frustrating when you have to do something you don't want to do." "It's okay to be angry. When you get angry, you can growl, tell us your mad, or cry." Etc.