I called last January for an eval for my ds2. The earliest appt was in JUNE - and that was with a physician's assistant. She asked all the questions, did the observations, etc., and gave me huge packets to fill out for me and his teacher. Now, this was in JUNE, and they wouldn't schedule the next appointment until I got the paperwork back. Because school didn't start until August, I couldn't even schedule an appt until September when they received the paperwork. The earliest appt they had was March. Ds already qualifed for stuff at school b/c an educational dx is different from a medical dx - and his education was definitely impacted. I called to get on the cancelation list, b/c even with our interventions, he was having meltdowns left and right. We managed to get bumped up until today - when he was officially (and easily) dx'd with autism. Not aspergers, not PDD-NOS, but autism. I had no doubt, despite the fact he's SO different from my ds1, who was dx'd when he was 2 1/2.
Your ped is totally wrong - both of my boys make eye contact and are affectionate. They both have autism. If there were speech delays, you won't get an asperger's dx, as aspergers doesn't have speech delay, from my understanding. However, at age 4, you may not get a full autism dx, either. The behaviors that may be in the range of normal at 4 are no longer at 6. I think if I had my ds2 eval'd when he was 4, he wouldn't have been dx'd, but I'm not sure. He had speech delays, he had sensory issues, etc.
If you suspect autism, try to get therapies and strategies, as a dx doesn't really change much. We might be trying a med to help some of the symptoms (and I'm VERY much a person who thinks of meds as a last resort) and the official dx allows us to continue getting therapies we've been getting through the state. (Age 3-6 qualify for services without an official dx, 6 and up require one).
So, my son was dx'd today. I knew he would. He's the same as he was yesterday. The only thing that's different is now I can say 'he has autism' when explaining some strange behaviors instead of saying 'he's got sensory issues'. Even though I knew he'd be dx'd, and I wanted him to be dx'd, I'm still .....uneasy(?)....sad....bothered.....relieved...... not sure what word I'm looking for.
Take the appointment. Get the eval. Get the answers. Go from there. That's about all you can do and keep someone close to listen - having someone to talk to is so important.