Would you be concerned about 6yo's kissing?

[DevaMajka]

I'm on one side, and my friend on the other- just wondering what others' opinions are.

My ds (6yo) kissed her ds (7yo) on the cheek. She called and told me about it, sounding quite concerned.

She is also concerned about a mutual friend's dd (Mary, 6yo) being a bad influence on her dd (5yo), because Mary has said that she kissed a boy.

Am I not concerned enough? None of this strikes me as anything to be concerned about at all. And if I'm right, how do I deal with her discomfort/unhappiness with it?

[pbjmama]

It wouldn't concern me but it sounds like your friend has an issue with it so I would address that. Somethign like, why does a X kissing Y on the cheek concern you? Then you can address the true issue. 

[cappuccinosmom]

A non-sexual display of affection (kiss on the cheek)?  Absolutely not concerned.

If it was a sexual kiss, or inappropriate (unwanted), I would be concerned.

[One_Girl]

I wouldn't be concerned but it may be time to teach your ds that kisses are something we save for our family.  Even if it was a "sexual" type kiss it would be done more in the spirit of modeling what parents do rather than being sexual so I wouldn't be disturbed even by something like that.  I would bring it up though so the other parent could address it.

I missed the part where it is two boys.  Is it the kiss issue or is the issue a fear of homosexuality.  Either way the issue is with her and I would suggest only addressing it from a boundaries point of view and teach him that hugs and kisses are for family members only.

Edited by One_Girl - 1/21/11 at 4:00pm

[DidiToo]

I also don't see it as a big deal - it's a nonsexual kiss.  But, since your friend has a different view, you could use it as a starting off point for a boundary discussion with your DS.  Tell him that some people don't like physical touching, kisses and hugs, and so he should ask before doing this to make sure it is okay with them.  (I have to have discussions with employees at my worksite like this, by the way...always fun!)  You could then tell your friend that you respect that she has a different opinion about physical contact and that you addressed it with your DS.  And, it's in a way that doesn't totally cut off your DS's own way of showing affection, which I find adorable. 

[Cascadian]

I remember when the little kids started doing this at DD's school last year - they were in grade 1, 5/6 and the odd 7 yr old. They matched up and got 'married off', and there was, apparently, a kiss or two.

[AllisonR]

DS (6) informed me a few days ago that he and DD (4) were no longer going to get married and have 2 babies, because he was going to marry S (6 yo at his school). He said he kissed her. She just said "eh, what was that?" 

I think kissing is totally normal at that age. It is your friends issue, I wouldn't try to make my own child less affectionate, or change his behaviour when this has really nothing to do with him. If it was me, I'd leave it alone, but if the friend brought it up again I would ask for clarification - what does she see as wrong, bad, inappropriate, whatever... and maybe also add that I can't get upset, mad, whatever, because it's totally normal. 

[Spring Lily]

Totally normal. I remember kissing a boy friend of mine around that age just to see what it was like, and when I got close I decided he smelled like dirt. I didn't do that again!

If your friend is worried about this, she may have some personal issues in this area, perhaps someone crossed the line with her as a child and she isn't certain where healthy boundaries lie. I'd talk to her about what happened with the kids, but with that theory about her in mind so you don't unintentionally hurt her in the discussion.

[Cinder]

It wouldn't concern me...there was a little girl in Kincaid's kindergarten class who kissed all the boys (on the lips) before the end of the year...she did get told she couldn't kiss at school multiple times, but she never listened and it was never disciplined more than just reminding her it wasn't allowed, which made sense to me.  Little kids kiss, they kiss their parents and their siblings, the know it's a way of physically showing love, so they in turn kiss their friends, that seems pretty normal to me.    (now, my son telling her he would only kiss boys and is going to marry a boy did warrant more attention...but that's another thread.  And we did tell the principal that he was allowed to marry a boy when he grows up if he still wanted to, but being that he was only 5, we probably shouldn't worry about it right now anyway since he still probably thinks girls have cooties or whatever.)

[MusicianDad]

I wouldn't be the least bit concerned about a kiss on the cheek. It's a perfectly benign show of affection.

[katelove]

Originally Posted by One_Girl 

I wouldn't be concerned but it may be time to teach your ds that kisses are something we save for our family.  

*If* that's what you want to teach him. My friends and I kiss each other hello/good bye all the time. I like it and I wouldn't want to teach my daughter not to do it.

[DevaMajka]

Thanks everyone :) I see that I'm not out of line thinking it's no big deal. It hasn't come back up, but if it does again, I'll keep in mind that my friend feels differently, and perhaps tell ds something along those lines.

To the pp who mentioned something about boundaries- yep, I am BIG on respecting others' boundaries. I agree- if the friend didn't want ds to do it, then I'd talk to ds about that (and it wouldn't matter what it was- a kiss or a touch on the shoulder). I didn't specifically ask about it in this situation, but guessing from how they interact, and from what his friend's mom said to me, I'm pretty sure the friend was ok with it.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by katelove 

Originally Posted by One_Girl 

I wouldn't be concerned but it may be time to teach your ds that kisses are something we save for our family.  

*If* that's what you want to teach him. My friends and I kiss each other hello/good bye all the time. I like it and I wouldn't want to teach my daughter not to do it.

I think that you should also keep what your friends and his friends like when making a decision like that and also what the norm is in your area if you are going to want your child to make friends at school.  It sounds like in your circle of people that is something that works fine.  Where I live hugging past four is considered weird and kids are ostracized for it.  My dd had a very hard time once she got to school and hugging was no longer okay with anyone, it was heartbreaking to watch how few people would be around her because she was a hugger.  Teaching her to save hugs and kisses for family and very close friends (who we consider family) helped her to have an outlet for affection and she has been able to make and keep a lot of friends this year.  I really wish I had caught on sooner to what was going on with the hugging boundaries in our area because she went through a lot of unnecessary sadness just because I didn't think that her hugging was a big deal and didn't accept that it really was to other people.