My 2YO is trying to run our house!

[MunchiesMom]

Maybe this is developmentally appropriate, but I'm at a loss on how to respond. DS is 2.5 and is trying so hard to be the boss of our house!

If DH and I are talking, he'll hold out his hand and say "stop talking to dad" or "no talking mama."

If he wants to do something and we decline he'll crumble to the floor in a fit and say things like "yes want to right NOW!"

If we don't do something exactly how he wants it (build a fort the wrong way) or that follows his routine (attaching train cars in the wrong order) he freaks out.

This week he started hitting the chair or gently clawing on my shirt to physically show me his frustration. I redirect with "use your words...are you frustrated?"

I'm a SAHM and give him tons of attention, stimulation, healthy foods and naps during the day. DH is very hands on in the evenings. I feel like DS could never get enough of our attention and has some OCD quarks where he wants things done a certain way.

Thoughts on how to best respond?

[mamazee]

It's a hard lesson that things don't always go your way and that you can't have everything you want.  He'll probably have to go through tantrums to learn it (and it sounds like he is.)  When he has a tantrum because something isn't going his way, I'd just briefly empathize (You wanted X to happen.) and then let him know you're there for him when he needs you.  And then relax and let him tantrum.  Tantrums are a normal part of development and not a problem.  What he is learning is that things don't always go how he wants no matter how much he fusses and no matter how much he wants otherwise, and even sometimes no matter how much his parents want otherwise, and that everything ends up OK in the end even when things don't go his way.  I remember my dd having tantrums over it getting dark too early in the evening and screaming at me to make it stay light outside longer.  It's not rational and there's no rationalizing with it.  He's just learning how far his control stretches, and that it's OK in this world to not have control over everything.  It will take time, but it sounds like he's in the process.  But it sounds normal and not like OCD or anything.

[Mittsy]

Our DS(4) is still like this, having things done HIS way and trains are pretty much the only things he ever tantrums about. I have no advice for you other than try to give him as much control over things like his hair/clothes/food/toys/music/entertainment....., and just be firm but empathetic when the little dude can't get control in certain situations. In our case I think this may be a personality trait, not developmental, DH is a lot like this. ;)

[madskye]

This is such a huge time for learning...language, potty traning, manners,  becoming more athletic as he grows...your little guy is in the middle of a lot of changes and learning how to be a social part of your family.  All you can do is gently correct him.  When he tells you or DH to stop talking, I'd gently say "No, mommy and daddy need to finish their conversation" and continue.  Or you could teach him to say excuse me if he has something that he wants to say.  He might melt down, but he also will eventually realize that it's not his place to control your conversations or hugs.  (DD would tell DH and I not to hug)  I think it's a phase they pass through.  It is crazy though...DD used to have tantrums over the weirdest, most random things (wrong cup, wrong this, not fast enough, etc) and it's just baffling.