child spacing - Page 2

[BethSLP]

My kids are exactly 3 years apart (2 weeks in between their birthdays in April).  I wouldn't have it any other way.  My brother and I were 22 months apart and I thought that was ideal....until I became a mama .  It was great for my brother and I growing up, but the early years were difficult for my mom.  I was very jealous of him, threw bottles at him, etc.  My mom said that she covered up my brother while he nursed and read me a book so I wouldn't be jealous :( 

My daughter is almost 5 and my son is almost 2.  They are absolutely awesome together.  Remember it takes almost 10 months to gestate a baby.  Your 3 yr. old will be a LOT more independent than your 2 yr old.  So I wouldn't worry about not being able to manage a 3 yr old and a baby.  I would however consider the pregnancy aspect.  How are your pregnancies typically?  My DD weaned at 2.5 and I did find it a bit painful (which is why I kind of led her down the path to weaning at that point).  I asked her if she wanted to wean by having a big girl party.  She was thrilled with the idea, and it went swimmingly.  DD is very easy going and was not night nursing at that time, so it wasn't that difficult. 

I guess in my mind, 4 years is just too far apart.  DD is still young enough, she will tolerate the "baby" stuff with my son.  For example, watching ELMO'S POTTY TIME with him.  She thinks its a little juvenile, but she's still young enough that she enjoys Sesame Street.  That kind of thing.  His toys are interesting to her and she genuinely has fun playing with him.  He's definetly the baby in the house, but they can relate to eachother. 

Also, because of their ages, they will have some school experiences at the same school.  They go to a Montessori preschool (they start at 18 months).  That meant that my daughter's last year at the school was my son's first year.  It was a tremendous benefit to be able to drop him off with his sister so he still felt secure.  She was so proud to "show him the ropes" and take care of him.  Next year, she goes off to Kindergarten, but he has made the montessori transition and will be OK on his own.  It was a wholly different (and easier) experience dropping him off for the first few weeks than it was her (when she was all alone without a sibling to help her).  When elementary rolls around, they will be together again for a few years.  I really love this.

Is your daughter verbal enough to ask about her thoughts on a sibling?  Mine was BEGGING for a baby quite literally.  She would see a baby at the store and say "I neeeed one.  I need one for my house."  So she's quite into being a big sister and perhaps that's why I'm such a fan of the spacing.  I think she very much knew her place in our family and felt secure when he came along, but she had some great times together with him on days off from school/work.  I think I would feel worse about sending one off to school and having one at home honestly.  I work part time and the kids go to school 3 days a week.  We have two days together, just mom and the kids.  Next year, when DD is in kindergarten full time, I think it will be hard for her to see DS getting alone time with mom.  She'll get over it, but I think a transition to having a sibling AND going off to kindergarten soon after (unless you homeschool), would be difficult.  And I know my daughter had "alone time" with me initially, but she has no recollection of that.  So its a little different for sibling #2 to get alone time in the later years when sibling #1 goes off to school.

There's no magic answer and people will have different advice.  but 3 years was definetly the perfect spacing for us.  2 is too close for both the kids and the mama IMO and there is competition.  4 is a bit too far apart for me.

XOXO

B

[Mal85]

It's such a personal decision to make and relative to your family dynamics. We're trying for #2 right now, DD is almost 23 months old. I had hoped to be halfway through my pregnancy by now, but it's taking longer to get pregnant than we expected. For us, I think it will work because DD isn't nursing anymore, she's sleeping in her own bed through the night, most of the time she puts herself to sleep pretty easily, and she looooves babies. I see the big sister in her a lot when she's around other babies, so I feel like she is ready for it and I'd like to give her that sibling before she's old enough to know better, ya know?

Personally, I have 5 older siblings... the youngest one is 6 years older than me. I'm close to my sisters now, not so much my brothers but I'm close to their wives (who have all been in my life since I was very young, so they're really like sisters to me). But I don't feel like I grew up with my siblings. I feel like they grew up together and then I came along. So, I always wanted to have my kids closer together so they could actually experience growing up together. I, personally, want them to share memories of growing up like my siblings do with each other. I grew up differently than they did and many of them were getting ready to graduate high school and moving on with their adult lives while I was still a toddler.

That's just my personal experience.

[sunnygir1]

My kids are 2y7m apart.  I like it that way, but it was hard for some of the reasons you mention.  I would have liked to have a year of sleeping through the night first (I feel like I've been sleep-deprived for 4 years straight!).  I also think it would have been easier on my body to wait a year after weaning dd before ttc.  My kids are great, though, and I like the idea of being able to get back to work and other "me" activities a little sooner.  Although, we aren't planning to have more children, and I have been feeling sad lately about my kids growing up already.  Dd is almost 4, and I feel like crying sometimes.  Weird, maybe.

I have a friend who has 3 children with 6 years between them.  She likes that spacing too, but I will say with this 3rd babe she says she is having a hard time switching over from thinking she could immerse herself in her own stuff a little to being a full time baby mama again.

My sister's kids are 8 years apart.  It's kind of nice for her.  Her ds got her full attention for 8 years, and was old enough to help and communicate when the baby was born.

I think all kinds of spacing can be good.  Maybe whatever feels right and whatever happens will be just fine for you.