If you were sick throughout your pregnancy ...

[msmiranda]

Did this cause you to have any negative feelings toward the baby?  I am almost 20 weeks and still feel queasy for many hours a day.  I feel sick before I eat (often).  I feel sick after I eat (almost always, and it doesn't matter much what it is that I've eaten).  My mother had a pregnancy where she felt sick up until the birth and I have resigned myself to the fact that that will be the case with this one.  Ergo, I am pissed.  This was not supposed to happen to me.  I'm supposed to be feeling good by now. 

So I'm irrationally angry at the world and irrationally angry at the baby.  When I feel movement, it doesn't make me happy, it makes me annoyed.  I resent the fact that I'm tired all the time and can't do the things I want/need to do (giving my born children as much attention as they need, cleaning my house, exercising, etc.).  I wish I hadn't gotten pregnant at all.  Yes, part of it is because I'm still upset that it's another boy, but I was already getting pretty annoyed before the ultrasound.  I know it doesn't make sense, because it's not as though it's willful, but I blame the baby for making me feel like crap. 

Has anyone else ever felt this way?  How did you deal with it?  When did it end?

[Mosaic]

I was sick my entire second pregnancy, though it got way better at 32-34 weeks. I got to the point where I didn't like MYSELF at all: I was so sick, whiney, and lazy that I annoyed myself. But the baby had some potential health issues, so I was too busy trying not to worry to have time left to resent her.

That said, my first pregnancy I definitely did NOT bond with my DD. I wasn't sick, but I did not connect at all with her until birth. In retrospect, I had severe untreated prenatal depression. I'd really encourage you to talk to a health care provider about it, even if it just helps to acknowledge that you feel lousy and it's the pits.

[gemasita]

I am still nauseous at 39 weeks.  Been nauseous since 6 weeks.  We tried for this baby for 4 years so I do feel guilty any time I have negative feelings but people keep reminding me that when you feel bad, you just feel bad.  Also, this baby moves 24/7 - I feel like I never get a break.  I don't wish my baby moved less, because it IS reassuring, but I do get exhausted by it.  It's quite relentless!  This will be our only baby so I am trying not to wish the time away but that doesn't change the fact that pregnancy has been a REAL challenge for me.  Definitely not my favorite state of being...

Oh, and like the pp, I am whiny, lazy, and the biggest complainer at home with DH.  Now I see why pregnant women are so grumpy at the end.  I am the biggest grump in the world right now!  Then I feel guilty about THAT too!

[suzywan]

I just started feeling OK a few weeks ago (I'm now 30w).  I had relentless MS/ GERD 24/7 - I did use medication to control both.  I thank god everyday for that medication because otherwise I would have stayed in the deep depression I fell into in the early weeks of the pregnancy when I was not medicated.  I am now quite happily bonding with the baby to an extent (I don't feel anywhere near fully bonded until birth and then, for me, it is a slow, unfolding process - not an instant I AM IN LOVE NOW at all). 

I also suggest talking to your HCP.  I personally recommend medication if it is as bad as you infer - you may not be able to properly nourish yourself, if you are so sick, and that can lead to depression as well.

[lillymonster]

I was sick both pregnancies. I was on medication for 26 weeks for both, but still sick with heartburn or dry heaves until the end. The first one I had trouble bonding with, mostly because of my birth circumstances and probably because I was expecting a glowing happy pregnancy and it wasn't like that. Then DD also cried all the time from like 2 weeks on. I ended up with PPD about 4 months later and went on medication and things were much better after wards. The second, another c-section, has been better. DD is 20 days old, even though I had another c-section, I knew what to expect, and baby has been much easier to take care of.

[MrsBone]

Negative feelings towards the baby during pregnancy or afterward? I don't really think I had negative feelings after dealing with nausea for 20 weeks, then heartburn and constipation the rest of pregnancy, and once baby arrived, all the symptoms were gone and I was overjoyed..pretty much forgot about all that crap I went through! So no, no negative feelings :)

[MegBoz]

I have a bit of this feeling. This is baby #2 for me and with #1, I felt so fantastic - I honestly barely NOTICED I was pregnant. Especially after 1st tri, it had such a minimal effect.

Now, at 33W, I'm still fatigued, queasy sometimes, low back & hip pain, AND.. what makes me most angry... movement HURTS! I mean, it really HURTS as she moves around - sometimes for hours at a time.

I'm trying to just not beat myself up over the fact that I feel this way. I'm hopeful that when she's born, I'll just be relieved not to be PG anymore & looking forward to BFing & babywearing again & the feelings will resolve.

Now, if I have a really rough & traumatic birth experience... THEN I'm really gonna worry. (I think I'll line up counseling immediately in that case.)

[Strong Mama]

WIth my last son, I was very very sick and had negative feelings during the pregnancy. Which is normal, espeically if you are suffering from being sick so much. After he was born,  I didnt feel negative toward him, but I felt rather detached. I did get PPD, which sucked.

[msmiranda]

Thanks so much for the responses, everyone!  I am in a better place this week and am not feeling so negative toward the baby anymore, maybe a little annoyed when I am feeling the most queasy, but not other than that.  I know that after he is born I will forget all about having been sick (and oh it will be so nice to be able to enjoy food normally again!).  Right now the nausea is low-grade enough that it's really annoying and keeps me from wanting to get up and do anything but it's not horribly debilitating like it was the first trimester.  I guess I'm almost *used to it* at this point.  On days when it's particularly bad I still take a Zofran and that helps somewhat.  I guess I should just be glad I don't have horrible constipation like I did with my last pregnancy! (Though honestly, I would trade the nausea for that).