struggling with five days a week

[lisavark]

Mostly I just need to vent, but I'd love it if anyone has advice for me, too. 

My daughter started in a two day/week toddler class at a Montessori school when she was almost two. They were offering a two-day class mostly because they had just opened and were trying to get more families, I think...it's an AMI certified school so they don't offer less than five days in the primary class. Anyway, when she was two and three months they started saying she was ready for primary. !?!!? I said no way, I'm not bringing her five days. They said I could ease her in, so from May till December she went to primary two days a week. :) 

I love the school, love Montessori, love the teachers, love the director. But at our parent conference in December the director told me that I really needed to either start bringing DD five days or else take her out. She said DD was getting left out when the kids did group activities because she wasn't there every day...for example, three kids are working with maps one day, so the next day they say, "hey, let's all three do maps together again"...and DD would never get invited because she was never there the day before. She's very social, very verbal, and very peer-oriented right now so that was really bothering her and lessening her enjoyment of school. So...I decided to give five days a try. Now, we had a week of snow days so far in January, so I guess we haven't really given it a full trial yet, but I'm not enjoying it and neither is DD. For the first week DD said she loved it and wanted to go every day. Then I talked to her about how if she wanted to, she could go to a different preschool instead and only go three days. I think now that was a mistake...I shouldn't have mentioned the possibility until it was decided...but she's so verbal and smart, I really want her to be part of the decision, you know? Maybe that's dumb of me. Anyway. This morning she almost cried when I dropped her off. She said she doesn't want to go to this preschool, she wants to go to a different preschool and only go three days. I told her that a different preschool wouldn't have older kids or so many cool materials, and she agreed that would make her sad. 

Sigh. So this morning I observed a "constructivist/Reggio-influenced" preschool nearby. I have several friends with kids there, and I liked the director and location a lot, but I really didn't like the program. It's all group work and teacher directed. DD would do FINE there--she loves being told what to do and doing what all the other kids are doing--but I really don't think it's what she needs, you know? I think it would be really detrimental to her attention span (activities only last for about 30 minutes at a time) and it would encourage her natural tendency to go along with the crowd instead of directing herself and taking initiative. I really want her in Montessori...just not five days a week. 

Any ideas? I don't think there are any "Montessori-inspired" schools in our area with fewer-day programs, which honestly at this point I would consider just to keep at least some of the Montessori philosophy. Of course we could homeschool (I could buy a LOT of Montessori materials with all the money we'd be saving!), but frankly I really need the break a couple of times a week. DD stopped napping at 18 months (which is the whole reason I put her in preschool in the first place). 

I've thought about it a lot, and based on her personality and comparisons to other people in our family who are similar (she basically has exactly the same personality as my twin sister and has been very similar to her since she was born :)), I don't think DD is really going to be ready to go to school every day till she's about five. I don't want to tough it out if she doesn't need it and love it...I'm home full-time and this school is really expensive, there's no reason to do it unless she LOVES it. 

I have a couple of friends who have tossed around the idea of Montessori homeschooling, so it might be possible for me to get some of the multi-age interaction and Montessori materials at home. But I still would like to have, ya know, a break every once in a while. :) Thoughts? Maybe there's another possibility I haven't thought about? 

There's a true Reggio Emilio school that a friend recommended that I'm probably going to look at, but the location is pretty inconvenient and it's expensive, too. They do offer two- and three-day programs, though so that helps! I also wouldn't be able to get DD in there till next fall, so I'd have to either tough it out this year or take her out entirely...or sign up for the preschool I visited today just through the end of the school year, or a mom's morning out or something. But that seems like a lot of transition for her, and DD does NOT do well with transition at all. 

[3belles]

I homeschool, for lack of options.  It is working out like a dream.  I teach out of the home part time, at a Montessori School. 

Is this an AMI accredited school?  Or is the teach just AMI trained?  HUGE difference.  Something to look up, I guess.

Most of the time, primary isn't until age 3.  The earliest being 2.9years.  I worry about your daughter's stamina.  I would hate to see her become tired, and then miss out on what school offers. 

I would ask for a conference with teachers and the director/head of school.  Trying to increase enrollment seems like a lousy reason to push a child into a class they aren't ready for.  I wish the consideration was for the child. The CHILD needs to be the reason for anything, not office push. 

5 days is a lot, but there are reasons for 5 days.  Consistency is the #1 reason. 

Do you think she'd lose interest or become exhausted?  My twins are the same age, and I would never put them in primary right now.  They are bright, academically ready, happy children- but I know it's not primary time.  If she doesn't become tired, I would go for it.  If you trust the teachers and their motives, I would keep her there.   Montessori is a 3 year program, so leaving now is like reading 1/3 of a book and then tossing it in the recycling. 

This is a tough choice, this is my 2 cents :)

Peace,

[KCMichigan]

We attempted primary with my twins when they were exactly three 5 days a week from 7:30 am to 3pm. It was too long for them and I pulled them after 6 or 7 weeks- each week got worse instead of better for them (the first week was great!)

They just did not have the stamina to do the whole day 5 days a week. One twin would start to cry about 12pm, they did not nap well, and generally were  mess upon returning home. The school was great, really calm, nuturing, etc. They just were not able to handle that long of a day, even with previous preschool experience (am program)

Academically, they were ready, but it was just too much for one DD especially.

I put them in a two day a week program for the rest of the year and all was well again ( sleep was better, they were happy again).

[lisavark]

DD will be three in a month, so I think she's the right age...she's just very attached to me (naturally!) and not quite ready to be away from me that long. It's only a four-day program, too, from 9 to 1, so it's not like she's there all day. She quit napping at 18 months (which was the whole reason I put her in preschool in the first place, I needed a break!) so that's not an issue. 

It's an AMI accredited school, and now that I'm researching more it looks like the two- or three-day programs for toddlers are pretty common actually? I thought all Montessori had to be five days, period, which was why I was guessing at reasons why they had a two-day program before...I actually have no idea why they did that, except that, duh, toddlers need to be with mom. :) Anyway. Moving DD to primary was definitely all about her, they felt that she was getting bored in the toddler room, she was totally potty learned since we did EC, and she was really verbal early. They felt like she was really ready for the materials in the primary room. Which is definitely true--she was in LOVE with the pink tower from day one in primary, it was adorable. :) Anyway. Yeah. I definitely trust the teachers, the director, and their motives...like I said I really love the school. I actually want to get Montessori certified myself to teach at the adolescent level, I've been so inspired by our experience at this school. I just miss DD, and she misses me. 

So yesterday I was talking with some friends about starting a Montessori-style homeschool co-op...just so we can all get a little time away from our kids and have them in an environment we trust without having to send them five days a week. It would be a lot of work to organize, but my biggest hesitation is what you said, 3belles--I really don't want to pull her out now when she's only just started. I just love the whole method so much, I want her to get the full benefit of it, but not if it's so hard for her (and for me). 

I had a great conversation yesterday with her old teacher, who used to teach in the toddler room but quit so she could be home full-time with her son. Her daughter is still in my daughter's class. Anyway, she said I should definitely give it at least one more week, because with Christmas and then a whole week of snow days this month has been tough for everybody and it might be that in another week or so my DD will really love it. Also she's been able to observe my DD in class a lot because she subs regularly, so she told me that DD seems really happy and content at school, which I knew but it was still encouraging to hear it. She also told me that she and some other parents have talked about a homeschool co-op when their kids finish primary, since elementary is prohibitively expensive for a lot of us. I'm really encouraged by the thought that even if I pulled DD out right now, I wouldn't necessarily be giving up on Montessori forever, you know? 

I'm going to hang tough at least till the end of the month and then re-evaluate. I think if I pull DD out, I won't put her in another preschool, I'll just do some childcare swapping with like-minded families, and then look at re-enrolling her in the fall. She'll be 3.5 at that point so things might be totally different. Right now I still feel like she's not going to be ready to be away so long at that point, but I know she could change really fast! 

Oh, and DH also suggested that we could just keep her in the five day program and only bring her four days. I love DH. :) I can't believe he would even consider paying for five days and only using four! LOL! But I do think that might actually help a lot...having one day home full-time with Mommy might be all she needs. I could even just take her three days if she was having a rough week, I guess... 

I still welcome advice! But I'm feeling better about the whole thing. 

[carmel23]

My daughter didn't start until 3.5 but now attends 4 days per week, from 8-11:30 (she is newly 4).  She says she wants to go friday, too, but by then she is pretty tired.  I think when she is 4.5 she will go 5 days, maybe a full school day.  But we will see. 

Also, even if a child stops napping, that doesn't mean that they never will naps again.  My daughter started napping again after starting school.  Being around other children all morning really tires them out! And she is one of 4, so she is used to being around lots of kids.  Plus growth spurts.  So she naps most days after school now. 

I would stick with it--I think the "montessori everyday" thing is more for the days to be consecutive (not one day on, one off, one on--which is a horrible schedule for some children, like a week of mondays!) not that it has to be everyday. 

But then I am not a fan of "co-op" style schools, especially where the vehicle for learning is so dependent on observation and learning about a child, yk?  To have 4-6 different adults would be confusing for my kids...

[3belles]

Looks like you have plenty of options here, I'm glad your outlook is positive. Let me know if you need any homeschool advice in the future.

Peace,

[lisavark]

Just wanted to share an update! 

Last Friday I subbed in my daughter's classroom. Looking past the chaos of there being a sub there and my daughter being clingy because I was there, I felt like that gave me a better feel for why she always insists she's too tired to go to preschool. It's a big class (small for Montessori, I guess--19 kids--but that's a LOT for my introverted DD), and a big room, with lots of materials. I think that just the volume of choice of materials is kind of overwhelming for her--sensory overload--and that combined with being around so many kids really is just exhausting for her. So. I decided to withdraw her. I called the director on Friday evening and told her...it was a wrench of a decision and I cried when I hung up the phone. 

But. The director is awesome. She gave me the name of a mom who runs an in-home Montessori-like class that offers the option of a couple of days a week. I'm still playing phone tag with her but I'm excited about it...the primary class for this is from 12:30 to 3, which is a MUCH better time for DD than the morning (she'd gladly sleep in till 9:30 or 10 most days if I didn't wake her, no matter when she went to bed), and I think the time of day combined with the smaller group will be a huge improvement for her. Also, I went on our local parents network to post a search for other options, and there was already a posting there--DD's old teacher from the toddler class, who quit teaching full-time so she could be home with her son, is now starting a two-day/week toddler Montessori program! I called her and she's definitely interested in having DD involved, even though she (the teacher) isn't certified for primary. I feel great about this option because DD LOVED this teacher...she stopped liking preschool when she moved out of this teacher's class. So I feel like I have a couple of really great options now! I really think it will be at least another year before DD is ready for five days, but if I can keep her in a Montessori-ish environment and keep her working with the materials then I think we'll be able to transfer back in without trouble. I know for some kids it's hard to have one day on/one day off, but for DD it's much, much better. She really needs a day in-between to recover. 

Oh, I also went crazy on craigslist on Saturday, right after I made the decision to pull DD. Got a pink tower, brown stairs, binomial cube, sandpaper letters (lowercase only) and numbers, continent puzzle map, and 6 dressing frames for only $140! Wow I love craigslist. DD was so excited when she saw the binomial cube--her face lit up and she said, "I LOVE the binomial cube!" But ever since we got the materials home she's been wanting to do the letters. She made me and DH both do them with her. We had to sit in a circle and all take turns. :) It was awesome. I think I'm going to go ahead and spend the money on the uppercase set if I can't find one soon on craigslist. 

Thanks again for all the encouragement! I think we've found a great solution for our family! So happy we don't have to quit Montessori entirely!!!

[3belles]

I'm doing something very similar with my girls, at home.  It's working really well for them, and for me, I'm having a blast.  My two worlds have collided, home and work!

I have a blog, mostly pictures, about my Montessori house.  There are a ton of great blogs out there, most are listed on the bottom leftside of my blog.    www.educationofours.blogspot.com