"The Talk"

[amber913]

What age do you do this?  I have a 6-yo ds who's mature for his age, so i'm starting to think about it.

[Thalia the Muse]

We've had a series of talks, not one big "the talk." I think the first was when my daughter was five? We checked out It's so Amazing from the library, and flipped around in it and I told her the basic mechanics of conception, periods, and so forth. We revisited it every year or two. now that she's nine and starting to show some indications of puberty, she has asked a LOT of questions that are much more detailed: about exactly what happens during puberty, what "gay" means and whether it means you act like the other sex or just are attracted to the same sex, why it's not safe to talk to strange grown-ups online and (once she heard the answer) EWWW, why would a grown-up EVER be sexually interested in a kid, why people who aren't married and trying to have kids have sex ... some of it's hard to answer, but I'm really glad she feels comfortable asking!

Based on my experience, I wouldn't assume that after you talk about it the first time, he'll retain everything or understand it correctly, if my DD is anything to go by. Each time we've talked, she seems to take the parts she's interested in or ready for, and forgets everything else, so we've gone over the basics a few times.

[HollyBearsMom]

Lie they PP we never sat down for one big talk.  Instead we have been talking about sex, our bodies, puberty, etc periodically since he was 4/5. he is now 9 and still thinks its all "gross". LOL.

[Vermillion]

We’ve never really had “the talk”. Though at almost 9, my DS knows just about everything- The basics, baby stuff, how people can protect themselves (after the whole "what are condoms? question lol)… I’ve just answered all of his questions as they’ve come up over the years, and because of that we have a really great, open & honest line of communication for that sort of thing. So far we’ve both been very comfortable in talking about anything and everything! It helps that he’s asked a lot of questions though. If he hadn’t, I’m not really sure how I’d go about bringing it all up at a certain age! Sounds very overwhelming!  There is just so much beyond "how are babies made" that I feel is so important for kids to know, and these days, the sooner the better IMO! It takes a lot of different conversations over a spread out period of time, I think...

[Daffodil]

Like the PP's, I've just talked to my kids about sex all along, instead of waiting to have one big "talk."  I didn't wait for them to ask questions, I just went ahead and gave them information at various times when something about the conversation made me think of it.  They both probably had heard the basics of what sex is by the time they were 3 or 4, though I'm not sure how much of it sunk in the first few times it was mentioned.  I don't think there's any age that's too young for that information.

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by Daffodil 

Like the PP's, I've just talked to my kids about sex all along, instead of waiting to have one big "talk."  I didn't wait for them to ask questions, I just went ahead and gave them information at various times when something about the conversation made me think of it.  They both probably had heard the basics of what sex is by the time they were 3 or 4, though I'm not sure how much of it sunk in the first few times it was mentioned.  I don't think there's any age that's too young for that information.

I'm also in this camp. We started when they're very, very young-- as soon as they can understand words, at about ten or eleven months old-- with a very gradual, very gentle sex education, kinda driven by their interest. I start with the correct names for body parts, and discussion about privacy and boundaries, and then we go from there. I set up little opportunities to talk about that stuff. So like I arranged for my six year old to be in the bathroom while I was emptying my Diva, for instance, so that we could talk about periods. I point out pregnant women, discreetly of course, to my preschoolers, and then later we'll talk about where babies come from. We'll probably have dozens of little "talks" over the years, as different questions and issues come up.

If I were you, I would probably just start bringing this stuff up-- body changes, puberty, sex, etc.-- gradually, and casually, rather than having one big "talk." The big "talk," I think, tends to be a nervous affair for both parents and child. Far better, I think, is to treat this stuff as just one more natural part of life.

[MusicianDad]

"The Talk" never really happened in this house, when things came up we talked about it. If someone had a question it was answered honestly. It's an everyday sort of conversation topic in our house, like the weather or what happened at school.

[PreggieUBA2C]

Another casual-sex-ed.-er here. It really is just a normal part of life, so we treat it that way, and have since each was born (like pp). My 6 and 7 yr olds are far more concerned about how to search for and find a partner with similar values. I don't think they have any real experience with sexual attraction, so it's pretty intellectual for them at this point. They have always been totally open with their questions, which makes it very natural to just answer them. :)

[tinuviel_k]

We've been sharing age appropriate information about reproduction, sex, and birth since our daughter was 2-3 years old. We've never had THE TALK. I believe in giving information early and expanding as age and maturity progresses. And I am so glad we started early: you would NOT believe some of the sexual information floating around in the first grade. I had a friend that needed to give her daughter a crash course in The Talk after her daughter came home freaking out that some boy was going to pee in her butt and she'd have a baby. she really regretted not giving the correct information sooner!

[One_Girl]

I taught my dd anatomically correct names and gave her general information that answered the questions she asked from the time she was very little and we went through books on puberty when she was seven.  She is eight now and hadn't asked me what sex is or how the sperm actually gets to the egg, but I found out over the holiday that she had been told what sex is (an inaccurate version of what it is) by a friend at school.  We got a good book that talks about sex in a kid friendly way and read then discussed her questions after that.  I really suggest doing it before friends at school do so your child gets accurate info.  I thought that because my dd didn't ask she didn't have any curiosity but as it turns out she was curious and was getting information from her friends.  Kids tend to put a lot of faith in friends and the knowledge friends have so they may not bring the question or curiosity to your attention if they feel like they got the info they wanted already from a source they view as reliable.

Edited by One_Girl - 1/22/11 at 4:00pm

[mom2happy]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

"The Talk" never really happened in this house, when things came up we talked about it. If someone had a question it was answered honestly. It's an everyday sort of conversation topic in our house, like the weather or what happened at school.

When things come up seems like the way it is with me too.

DD (7) was crying one day because she was upset that she was going to be cut open when she had a baby ( I had a recent c section.)

Right away I told her about the little hole that all girls have that stretches for the babies head to come out. I explained that most women dont have to have c/s.

It was so matter of fact and she was so relieved.

Now when she asks me how the baby got in there, I'll just tell her.

It feels more normal to me than to make a production out of it.
 

[meemee]

at 2, 3, and 4. dd initiated it and i just answered her questions. by 4 1/2 she knew everything. thru questions. she is 8 now and it has never come up ever again. mind you at 4 she was really curious about the whole birthing process so we looked at the medical dictionary. 

so no i have never had THE TALK either. it just happened as part of life. 

she knows what sex is and we have had minimum conversation about it based on her interest level.