4 yr old tantrums: a GD win!

[RollerCoasterMama]

I just wanted to share a win!  Sometimes it's nice when all of those practice runs and theories come together and actually work the way they're supposed to!

DS just turned 4 and has been dealing with tantrum-like meltdowns whenever things don't go his way.  (Along with all the other fun 4 yr old boundary testing of course!)  Thankfully, he's super proud of his "big boy" status (he brings it up a lot) so I can channel that into redirecting the meltdown.  He doesn't get what he wants during the meltdown, but if he can calm down enough to talk with me "like a big boy" then we're able to usually discuss when he can have what he's asking for if it's not an appropriate time right.  Ex:  no you can't have bunny snacks for breakfast, but I'll put some in your lunch box.  Totally fine.  And he's generally able to accept consequences if warned ahead of times.  (Ex:  dawdling at bedtime might result in no more time to read a story.  But getting pjs on when asked = good consequences...lots of time for stories and snuggles!) 

So the other night, it was the dreaded hair-washing that flipped the switch.  I don't wash his hair very often, so usually bathtime is just play time.  He started to flip when I said we had to do it tonight  I admit that I panicked a bit...he really needed his hair washed, but I wasn't going to physically force the issue.  I dug through my brain for ideas and finally talked him down by asking him to talk to me "like a big boy" since he responds to that idea so well.  After a minute or two he was able to calm down and tell me what was wrong (washing hair), why it upset him (shampoo in his eyes), and what could we do to fix it (tip his head back).  Telling me the solution seemed to calm him down.  Then I let him hop in the tub and said to let me know when he was ready to wash his hair.  About five mins later, he was ready.  No tears, no fuss, clean baby.  :)

I was just so jazzed that it worked!  He was proud that he was able to talk through the problem like a big boy.  And we were both happy with the results. 

Hopefully this tantrum phase is nearing the end.  He never gets what he wants during tantrums, so there's no positive reinforcement.  If he can calm down and discuss things, I've been really trying to do generous compromises or say "yes" to his request if appropriate (sometime he melts down in anticipation that I might say no...doesn't even ask!) with some serious kudos about working hard to calm down (we do praise for specific things...it works well for our family!).  The last few tantrums seem to have been burning hotter and faster, so it could be they're on the way out.  IhopeIhopeIhopeIhope. 

The hair-washing win is giving me hope!  And a good reminder for myself because sometimes it's just so darn frustrating to see him melt-down to rival a toddler! 

Anyway...there's my little win for the week.  :) 

ps.  The "big kid" status for newly 4 year olds cracks me up.  DS is obsessed with it, and I just had an email about his cousin who is half a country away but only 10 days older, and apparently she's very vocal about how she's a big girl and doesn't do "baby" things like when she was only 3.  Must just be a 4 yr old thing!

[HannahW]

When I was young, my mama would have me hold a folded (longways) washcloth over my eyes like a blindfold then she would say "Chin up!", and I would tip my head back and let the water run down my back.

[Lisa1970]

I also give my children dry washcloths to hold over their eyes when washing their hair to keep the water and soap out.

[RollerCoasterMama]

We've done the washcloth thing before...trust me I've done every trick there is!  For him, looking at the ceiling works the best and then I carefully use a cup to get his hair wet and rinse.  He's pretty good about it most of the time.  This was a power trip as much as anything.  Left to his own devices, he'll stick his head in the water and tell me he washed his hair by himself. 

I was just excited that he was able to talk his way down from this particular melt-down before it got serious!  :)  It was a power trip, but he was able to reclaim some of the power that way and not feel so out of control.  I wasn't going to do it while he was that upset.  Most of the time, he's just fine.  I won't try to wash the hair of a screaming thrashing kid!  Not worth the trauma to either of us!

[Cyllya]

Great job, RollerCoasterMama! I'm always thrilled to hear things like this working out.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Thanks!  I'm almost daring to hope that we've nearly passed through this particular phase.  He was angel boy all weekend and happy to discuss any disagreements with just a little reminder.  I'm sure we'll take a few steps backwards now and then.  Transitioning between my house and XH's house always leads to a little friction -- too much junk food at Daddy's house and it takes a day or so to get it all out of his system. 

But this was definitely a step in the right direction!