I've done some more thinking since my initial post and on the whole, I still feel the same.
I find that I am a little "sad," but it's not regret sad or bitter sad. I still respect and trust all the choices and suggestions that were made to me by my doctor (and the doctor that replaced him half way through), by my nurses, my doula, and my husband. I may have changed some choices, but I do not believe they would have changed the outcome of this birth.
What I'm sad about is the loss of the opportunity to lose this vaginal birth. I can never have that again and it's kind of a bummer. I know that long births happen, but there also those fast and furious birthers. I envy them. My body may not be broken, but neither is theirs. I am happy for them, but sad that I can't birth like them. And although I do believe in my body, I am quite confident that I will plan for a RCS if we have a third biological child. There's lots of factors going into that decision (mostly around the way my body tolerates c-sections after long labors and the drugs involved), but i just don't think a VBA2C is in the cards for me. Therefore, vaginal birth is something I will never experience and I am...sad.
Originally Posted by c'est moi
Sometimes we can influence and take charge of our birth experiences, but sometimes babies (not doctors, not doulas, and not mothers) decide on the best way to come out. And no, this is not just the justifications of a "failed VBAC" mama (silly term by the way). In my heart of hearts, I don't regret this birth experience.