Should I force ds1 to try an organized sport? - Page 2

[Peony]

Originally Posted by Pookietooth 

I am in a similar situation with ds, excepth that he has sensory processing issues and we were advised to put him in swim classes and gymnastics classes as therapy for him. He is also very headstrong. He took two swim classes and has refused to continue because he doesn't like being made to put his face in the water. Sigh. I think that if you really think your ds would enjoy organized sports, you should take him to some events to watch first.

Maybe private lessons with a teacher that is more willing to work with you? DD1 has SPD, we use gymnastics and swimming as OT for her now. She did do extensive OT previously but we are able to "maintain" her with gymnastics 2x a week and then now she is on the swim team since I have had her swimming for so long as therapy. Those are the best sports have found as well to regulate her, and she does many others, but these are the ones we always makes sure she does. 

[Pookietooth]

Peony, I think that at this point he is so turned off by swim lessons that we will have to wait a bit. He really hated getting water in his eyes (always has) and nose (he is always stuffy). I do know of someone who does private lessons, maybe I will try them.

[wagamama]

Last year DH "strongly encouraged" our shy 5-year-old DS to join a preschool rugby class on Sunday mornings. After going 2-3 times, DS wanted to quit, but DH basically "strongly encouraged" him to stick it out (I would say it was just a bit short of "forcing"). I was very against this, but DH was adamant. He is passionate about sports -- not just for the physical benefits, but also for the social aspect.

For 5 long months, DH goaded, bribed and  "strongly encouraged" DS to go to rugby school. DS complained, but once he was there, he seemed to (sort of) enjoy it, although he looked bored a lot too and hadn't made friends with any of the other kids. Then one day, DS just turned a corner. He wanted to go. He played with the other kids and joked with them. He had a blast! Now he loves rugby, loves his team, has many new friends and new activities to attend (bbqs, winter festival, etc.). He has more confidence.

I am blown away because I never thought that forcing a child to do something could bring positive results. Maybe we were just lucky. I know it could easily have gone the other way. I guess my lesson here was to keep an open mind! 

[lindberg99]

Originally Posted by Pookietooth 

Peony, I think that at this point he is so turned off by swim lessons that we will have to wait a bit. He really hated getting water in his eyes (always has) and nose (he is always stuffy). I do know of someone who does private lessons, maybe I will try them.

My oldest was like that. I just gave up on swim lessons and kept taking her to the pool to play. She did finally start going under, got back into lessons and eventually ended up on swim team.
 

[flightgoddess]

Yes, but still give him choices, but limit to 2-4. Whether it is individual or group doesn't matter. I wasnted to try things as a kid, and after the session/semester was finished, I always had the choice to go back or try something else. Sports are a great way (well, music too) to learn self reliance and perserverance, personal improvement/competition (trying to get better/beat your best score). Swimming lessons are great for that, in addition to being able to swim if you get dumped out of a boat someday!  Something to maybe start a little later might be running/cross country. You could even do it as a family a kids run/walk or fundraise. Or if you live somewhere snowy...there is skiing and snowboarding lessons too.

It takes time to develop teamwork skills, and even self-accountability for individual tasks, and all will be utilized in the futue for collaborative work in high school or college, and in the future workplace. Most jobs require some sort of team structure!

[Mirzam]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

I'd wait a couple of years. From my experience with my introverted ds, age 9 is a perfect age to begin team sports. They've got some emotional maturity by then, they've got better motor skills so they pick up on things faster, and they actually care about the game and the rules of the game. Before about age 8-9, I don't see much point in team sports unless the child him/herself is really interested. 

I would try some classes to see what kinds of skills he likes and to help him learn to function in the kind of group that you need to work with to be part of a team. 6 weeks of soccer classes or something might be good.

But, don't forget about individual sports -- maybe what he needs right now is skating lessons or swimming lessons or rock climbing. Some kids just aren't team sports kinds of kids, and do better with individual sports. Individual sports have the advantage too, that many of them are easily turned into life-long pursuits. And the competition is against yourself. It's harder to be a life-long football player.

I somewhat disagree with your first statement about nine being a good age to start team sports. By nine many kids have put in quite a few hours practice and have begun to get their basic skills down and are progressing a fast rate, so a kid who is uber competitive but hasn't learnt the sport is likely going to find it a struggle and frustrating, so they will quit.

I have to second the rock climbing suggestion though, it is an awesome sport and you are competing against yourself. 

To the OP, offer your DS the opportunity to try several different sports, from team to individual and let him find where his passion lies. If it isn't sport, so be it. Chess might be his thing. The point is not what your DS does but that he enjoys the activity enough to put his best effort towards it. There is much to learn from that.

[nola79]

I think you should. I think the worst that can happen is he won't enjoy it, and not have to play after this season. The best is that he may end up loving it, and never would have known if you hadn't encouraged him to do so.

[Fertigamus]

I'm so glad the consencous seems to be not to force. All kids aren't going to like, be good at, or enjoy team sports. If you want to teach them that sometimes you have to do things you don't enjoy, put your time and energy into a good chore system. We use Manager of their Chores. It actually teaches to be a "team player" as well. Our team is our family! I think our society puts too much emphasis on organized sports. Unless your child really thrives or simply enjoys a sport, what is the point really. You could be taking time away from them developing their true talent... Which may be more mental than physical. Playtime should be fun time. They get just as much exsersize in the neighborhood/yard/park... That's the point right!

[objet_trouve]

I don't see anything wrong with forcing kids to try sports, I just wouldn't make him continue if he doesn't like it. I was an awkward, emotional and clumsy child myself, I'm still very nerdy, and I HATED soccer as a kid. Childhood asthma plus an unsympathetic coach made every time I ran laps a hideous embarrassment that always ended with the entire team pointing and laughing at me for not being able to finish. It's not like I didn't get exercise, I LOVED riding my bike as a kid, I just couldn't run at the pace I was expected to, wasn't allowed to take breathing breaks unless I really looked like I was going to pass out, and was hated by my team mates for dragging them down. It wound up just teaching me to hate working in groups and hate running. I overcame the working in groups problem to a point when I got to lead groups in high school, and I overcame running as an adult by running at my own speed and working up to faster speeds, but I don't think soccer helped me gain anything but humiliating memories that took years to overcome, not to mention caused problems with my parents, who I blamed for a long time for not getting me out when I was clearly a miserable wreck. I liked the pizza party at the end best, because it meant the season was over and I could go home and climb trees and do church activities.

Forcing a kid to try something new is totally fine, but I don't think it helps to force a kid to continue if they hate it and there's an alternative that they'll actually enjoy. If you suspect your kid will like it, by all means, get him out there! I was forced to learn to read, and ever since I've loved writing, and would love to do it for the rest of my life. I'm very grateful for it.