Mexican in-laws and drunkeness

[ihathi]

Okay, so I'm going to preface this by saying I am very aware that my Mexican DH's family is not necessarily representative of Mexican culture in general.  However, I'm posting this here because the family itself has a culture that differs greatly from my own and I constantly struggle to define the "line" that divides that which I'm willing to embrace (or at least deal with) and that which I all-out reject...

So I'm still fuming from a party that we had in our condo last night--it was my DH's 40th and we did an unusual thing and invited nearly all of the nephews and nieces that he has in the area and their kids.  There were maybe 30 people in our condo, but it felt like a lot since it's only a 2 bedroom...

Anyhow, everything was fine at first, but, as the night wore on, the men kept drinking copious amounts of tequila.  This, in itself, is not necessarily a problem for me.  I come from a family that drinks a lot, especially at family gatherings.  The problem is that, with this particular group of men, the heavy drinking goes on until, literally, people are falling down, grown men are crying their eyes out, and/or someone wants to start a fight.  Last night we had a little bit of all of this.  Glasses were broken, tears were shed, and I literally had to threaten to call the cops to get the last nephew out the door. 

Now, we usually miss this part of any party with my in-laws because we are usually leave in time for our kids' bedtimes (8:00-ish) and the heavy drinking usually happens much later in the night (lots of times, they don't even serve supper before 9:00!)  So, while I know this goes on a lot, I'm absolutely not accustom to it!

What was infuriating to me about last night is that not everyone there was drunk.  In fact, there were a couple guys who only had one drink and most of the wives were completely sober and just laughing about how stupid their husbands were acting...  Again, I was okay with this in general, but what I couldn't--and can't--wrap my mind around is how/why no one seemed upset when, for instance, the belligerent guest started wanting to pick up a fight.  It blows my mind that not one person seemed concerned about their kids seeing their dads/uncles/godfathers behaving like children.  On so many occasions, it seemed to me like someone should/would say, "Okay, this guy's had enough--time to go home."  But it simply didn't happen!  It was actually very surreal...

This is so upsetting to me because we rarely get together with DH's family, but sometimes I feel like it's important for me to support him and his need to keep connected with "his people."  But, after an experience like last night, all I can think is--we will never have his family over again.

[Lisa1970]

My inlaws are heavy drinkers so we do not hold things that include them really. We invited a couple of them out to dinner once, and they ordered so much in liquor that their tab was $200! DH and I agree that we won't hold any events for them where we get stuck paying for the alcohol again and we will never serve them alcohol in our home. We just know that they always go too far.

((((hugs))))

[ihathi]

Yeah, Lisa1970, this is the same conclusion my DH and I came to after the party.  It makes me so sad though...  For immigration reasons, DH can't travel to Mexico to see his family there (brothers, sisters, parents), so basically the only meaningful connection he has with family/heritage/culture is when we participate in these parties.  There's a part of me that feels guilty and not-quite-right in agreeing with my DH that we're better off just keeping our distance... 
 

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

My inlaws are heavy drinkers so we do not hold things that include them really. We invited a couple of them out to dinner once, and they ordered so much in liquor that their tab was $200! DH and I agree that we won't hold any events for them where we get stuck paying for the alcohol again and we will never serve them alcohol in our home. We just know that they always go too far.

((((hugs))))

[CherryBombMama]

i know my post is a bit late, but i will write anyways.

i would be PISSED if people acted that way in my house, regardless of relation to me or my dh, or whether they were mexican or not.

that said, this is how most of my family acts, and especially my dhs family, who is more mexican than we are (meaning all of them speak spanish, many dont know english, many were born in mexico, etc and my famiy has been very americanized.) not every mexican or mexican american family acts this way, but its very common. think of it as, "we work hard, we are gonna PARTY tonight!!!" lol. thats the only way i can put it. its a whole different world, dont have a party like that again