Replacing a dishwasher or just going without?- *more info post 38 - Page 3

[tracymom1]

Thanks, Rach!

[matey]

Yes, context helped. I say go for it also.

[JesKace]

My parents do indeed have "scads" of money, and it is what they have used in order to wield power over me throughout the course of my life. Never a hug, never a kiss - just money. It is how they communicate. My mom has literally never once said "I love you" to me, but she will buy me expensive gifts on a whim. After 36 years, I just learned to accept it. Fighting it takes way too much work.

So what exactly transpired is this:
My parent's came over for a visit with the kids and dinner last week. My mom started putting the dishes in the dishwasher and I said "just leave them in the sink because the dishwasher is broken" She said "oh my gosh -you must have a ton of dishes to do! What are you going to do?" and I said "well, we can't afford the extra expense right now so we are just going to do without until we can afford a new one." And she said, "why don't you let your father and I buy one for you?" Which led to the 'we can't pay you back' discussion, etc... She brought it up again on Saturday and I just don't know what to say.

I know we don't NEED a dishwasher, but after not having one for a while, I am realizing how much time and work is going into keeping the kitchen clean. I have 2 toddlers and a baby on the way and, quite frankly, I am overwhelmed and tired. The dishwasher was easy because I could engage my 3 yo to help me load and unload it - he can't help wash the dishes because our sink is on an angle in the corner and the way it sits there is just no room for him and his step stool. Believe me, we've tried.

I would not be taking actual money from her, so the option to put it towards other things is not there (and besides the expenses we have are upcoming, not currently a problem). She would just buy the thing and have it shipped here. She may just go ahead and do that without telling me - she is just kind of like that. Sigh... I hate having guilt because I actually WANT something. For some reason, it seems like the general consensus is that is just not cool to want something.



 

I originally voted no because I felt like if you couldn't afford a new one and it's not a major necessity than don't borrow the money, just go without till you can afford it.  But, it sort of sounds like your mom was offering to buy you one as a gift.  If you made it clear that you wouldn't be able to pay her back for it and she still offered anyways I don't see the harm in letting her do it for you especially if it's going to take a lot of stress off of you.  You could tell her that you'd feel guilty for her to spend so much money on something like that and that you'd be willing to look around for a used one in your area to make the expense cheaper... She seems like the type of person who would just say to buy you one new, but putting the offer out there would let her know you weren't just trying to take advantage of her generosity... does that make sense?

[nola79]

Under those circumstances, I would most definitely let your parents buy the dishwasher for you, and consider it a nice gift. Let us know what you decide!

[beanma]

I say go for it, too. If she wants to and she can afford it, don't deprive her of the privilege!!

Btw, we, too, don't use plastic and don't run the dishwasher unless it's full, but it's pretty much full by the end of the day for us. We do have quite a number of glasses (wouldn't run out of those unless it was a big party) and a set of dishes for 6 (small plates, big plates, bowls) plus lots of other odds and ends. Living w/o a dishwasher for 6 mo, DH and I were really really happy when we got the new one hooked up.

If it'll make your life easier and your mom and dad are willing and able to spring for it I'd go for it!

[OkiMom]

Personally it sounds like something my in-laws would want to do for us and I say if it makes her happy go for it. She might have been looking for a way to help you and just got handed it (my in-laws are like that, they are always looking for ways to help us and like to jump on an opportunity since we rarely tell them about whats going on over here).

Yea Dishwashers aren't necessities but they do make life easier.. I have a almost 4 year old, 2 year old and Im due really soon (like in a week or two) and my dishwasher is the only reason I get the dishes clean. My girls love to load it and help unload it and it keeps them occupied. I can just imagine the destruction they could cause if I was busy washing dishes while they were awake. Even though my house is very child friendly they like to "build" towns with anything and everything they can find, so one load of dishes would probably end up meaning I have 2-3 hours of clean up

[annethcz]

I originally voted no, based on your original post sounding like you thought you SHOULD pay them back but that you didn't have the money to.  But now that I've read your update, I say go for it.  It sounds like something my parents would do. 

It's just so hard to know on MDC.  My parents are the type who give without strings attached (we've been the recipient of a few CARS with no strings attached), but after reading here for so many years I realize that's not typical.  So if it really is a gift with no strings attached, I see no reason to say no.  It's not a bad thing to want a new dishwasher.  Although I'm doing okay without one now, someday I'll probably want a new one too.