share your ideas for weaning

[tittipeitto]

I read through almost all weaning threads and didn't really find an answer to my issue. I want to end our 2 year old breastfeeding journey GENTLY this time. First born was cut off cold turkey...

I have tried to wean him from night feedings for about a month now, but he still wakes up many times, and sometimes I'm so tired I forget and let him have it. (we co-sleep)

The night weaning has caused him to get really obsessed about breastfeeding during the day. I couldn't possibly give a count for how often we do it, but I can tell you he will pull out my breast (the only one that works) while I'm sitting on the toilet, cooking... it gets very irritating, and that's when I feel this has to end.

my back hurts from feeding in the mornings, a sort of yeast infection broke out again in my breasts because of moisture from leaking,  I'm tired of exposing my boobs to everyone, the more unfamiliar the people, the more he needs bf for comfort, I'm tired of my position as a nap time pacifier

I have entertained the thought of breatfeeding this boy for 3 years, but now that we are at two, I feel so much the same as with frist born, I'm done, I'm ready to snuggle and love in other ways, I'm ready to have my body to myself, go out dancing, take freelancing jobs.

Suggestions like dropping a feeding at a time... not suitable for us, since it's totally random all day long "wanna have some" with him 

I also read something like, "how about substituting bf by coloring together" and it made me laugh. I'm sorry... we do color together, but it would never fill the void of relaxation, physicality.. this kid is obsessed about bf and is not the "let's play ball instead" -guy.

Any ideas?

The one benefit i felt with the cold turkey method inherited from my mother was that because we put some nasty taste on the nipple and let the kid believe it's permanent change because they are big now, the kid feels he rejected the bad tasting breast, instead of feeling like your mother is trying to avoid you.. which is how I think I'm making him feel now.

I also bought that no more milk tea... I feel that it will not do much with the amount of stimulating that's going on here.. but if anyone has experience, tell me yours, can it lessen the production so much that it would help child "self wean"? (wrong term, I know)

thank you soo much for any input! you can even tell me I'm the most horrible mom if I don't breastfeed till he is five. I can handle that.. or maybe I'll even do that 

[JudiAU]

I don't have any particular experience but if you are adamant about stopping you might consider getting back on a schedule rather than nursing on demand. ie. we nurse at these times or at these places and that is it.

[trelani]

I'm on a similar journey with my almost 3 year old. He has been an ad lib nurser and even when my milk dried up during my pregnancy, he kept nursing. So now I nurse him and my 7 month old. He too is VERY attached and I was considering total weaning, but ultimately realized I don't need him totally weaned, but some perameters are needed. I'd be happy if we got it down to nursing for sleep and waking up (and nap). I night weaned him when I was pregnant by holding him and singing to him. It took 3 attempts before we were successful. Now he has to wait until 5:30am to nurse.  And for the past 6 months, when I nurse him to sleep, I only let him nurse for 10 minutes and then we just have to lay there. He STILL argues and has a mini tantrum about it a lot of times though. All he has ever known is falling asleep with the nipple in his mouth. It is hard to give up.

Now during the day, when he wants to nurse we can sing up to 3 songs and then it is over. No long, endless nursing sessions. I am trying to do this and then I'd like to get it down to just 3 times a day for sleeping and waking up. But we are doing it very gradually. Even still, I feel like there has been a negative aggressive change in his behavior and wondering if this is why. I"m posting this questions to the MDC mamas now.

Good luck!

[tittipeitto]

Thank  you so much ladies!

I'm so grateful for your advice. Sounds like a great idea not to let him fall asleep on the breast. I can't believe I have forgotten about it, since I have read the no cry sleep method book and we succesfully did that from birth to about one... and then I got lazy.

Having a schedule during the day sounds smart too, I just feel like oh no, how on earth will I have the energy to fight this guy. But maybe other kind of special attention can make up for it. I have to admit that as a second boy, who plays so well alone and with the big brother, bf has become the only mama time.. now I have to figure out how to change that to something else! I'll have to try to sing..

I think the no more milk tea gave him bumbs on the skin! So no more that.

couple of hours later:

He was desperate to bf when I was checking my emails in the morning.... But then I focused on him, tickled, went downstairs to play and every time he was searching under my shirt I would start joking and cuddling in other ways. I want to try to lessen to feeding only for nap, night time and the inevitable morning feedings. If I could get it down to those, I seriously don't see a reason I would have to wean him before 3 years of age

[3girls1boy]

I would really recommend ready "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler"  (I read it 3 times).  It really has great insight into the whole relationship and does talk about gentle weaning and dealing with your own feelings about this time.  One thing she mentions,  is that if the mom feels she wants to wean, she has to make herself feel okay about this decision, because sometimes a child will sense her ambivalence and become even more attached to the breast, in some sort of attempt to sway mom.

With my second daughter, I was pregnant for the third time and really feeling uncomfortable nursing.  She was about 22 months old and I explained to her that my breasts were "broken."  She did take a bottle and she ended up still drinking one bottle of warm milk before bed until she was 3. I still regret that she did not get to nurse for as long as her siblings. Another thing to remember is offer snacks and drinks every 2 hours or so.  I think sometimes the child is asking to nurse because he's hungry or thirsty and once he's asked for nursing, it's too late to offer something else.  I also knew a mom who decided how many times she was willing to nurse during the day and she issued her daughter nursing "coupons" (catalog pictures of ladies in bras!) and once the coupons were gone, she was done for the day. Also don't try and change too many things at this time--for instance don't try to potty train and wean at the same time...it's too much for such little people.

[Llyra]

I weaned my twins when they were toddlers, down to two sessions a day. (I needed to go on 6-mp, which is one of the few meds that is truly incompatible with breastfeeding. I needed a twelve hour period of no nursing, after each dose, to let the meds clear my system.) Skipping feeds also made no sense to me, because we were nursing randomly through the day. So what I did was to establish a no-nurse window in the day, and then gradually make it longer. I chose mid-morning to start, because they were happiest then. So from 10 to 11, I woudn't nurse. Then a few days later, we made it 10 to 11:30. Then 9:30 to 11:30. And so on. You have a lot of flexibility with this, because you can speed it up, by increasing the window more, or more often, but then you can slow it down if you want by stopping increasing the window for awhile if you want to.

It helps to have a lot of distractions planned. I started the most intense part of it while we were on vacation, because there as so much else that was different and new that they had an easier time accepting what was happening. Keeping busy helps, as does having somebody else around to help distract the LO whenever possible. Even so, we had some rough days, that we got through as best we could.

Where it landed us was with a nursing first thing in the morning, and one at bedtime in the evening. Which I was very happy with, because it took care of my medical needs, and we kept that up for awhile before making the final plunge into total weaning.

[shamarico]

I nursed my son for a few months past his second birthday. I had planned on going until he turned three, but my husband and I actually ended up separating right after he turned two. I moved out of his parents' house (where we were staying temporarily), and got an apartment with my son. There was already a trip to California planned for myself, my son, my ex, and my MIL. I had no interest in hanging out with my ex and his Mom for a week, but I didn't want to deprive my son of meeting his great-grandparents for the first time either.

So I cancelled my ticket and let my ex and MIL take him. We were nursing when he left and I was really worried about him not being able to for a week. I intended on pumping while he was gone and then start up again when he got back. Well, since he wasn't around me for the whole week, he didn't even seem like he missed it! I talked to him on the phone every night and thankfully my ex still co-sleeps with him as well. He even weaned off his pacifier while he was gone. It was almost like he "grew up" on that trip to CA. He came home a big boy and nursed maybe once or twice once he got back, but I figured I'd continue with the weaning... after a few days when he grabbed my boob I'd just laugh and start tickling him like he was being silly.

He never cried after we weaned and honestly never seemed to miss it. I had to pump once or twice while he was gone, but only because I got slightly engorged. We still co-sleep too, and it is sooo nice not to have to nurse in the middle of the night! I thought I would really miss it, but I'm pretty happy about getting some normal sleep finally. Only took two and a half years. LOL 

[HappyMommy2]

At the risk of giving one of those frustrating answers, it sounds like you need boundaries more than weaning.  Or at least you need to reduce duration and frequency, before weaning cold turkey, in order to do it gently.

So - the  kellymom weaning section has excellent tips for reducing the length of nursing and the frequency.  My milk-maniac surprisingly reacted very well to the "count to ten" method.  Sometimes I counted slow, sometimes fast.  I still do this!

Our boundaries were first, eliminating nursing in public.  (that way nobody sees your boobies anymore)

Then, second, night weaning.  We coslept too, so the rule was: No milkies until the sun comes up.  But I will cuddle you.  She cried the first 2 nights (in my arms), and then accepted this.

At a little of the age of two, we went down to 3x per day.  Upon waking, at naptime, and at bedtime.  I would just do the distraction methods, and say "it's not milky time yet".

Once you get some reasonable boundaries where you feel respected, you might choose to go ahead and wean, or continue nursing.  Good luck mama!!