I want to help her sleep, but she just flat out hates sleeping

[BethHH]

My daughter is 7.5 mos old and used to be a fantastic sleeper.  We could lay her down awake but drowsy and she'd drift right off.  At about 6.5 mos, she decided sleep is for suckers and fights naptime and bedtime with every cell in her body.

We have a BabyBay co-sleeper bed.  It is lovely and has a nice sturdy top rail.  Last week, Lene got so mad about going to bed that she got up on all fours and started rocking like a maniac.  Bonked her head on the rail so hard that it gave her a huge goose egg, so we took her to the ER to have it evaluated.  Turns out, she cracked her skull!  We spent 6 days and 5 nights at the hospital for observation.

I don't know what to do.  We live in the city and don't have a car.  I walked her around the neighborhood in her stroller in the freezing cold at 1 am last night and it still took her 45 minutes to sleep.  Carriers don't work.  Laying her on top of me does not work.  Singing, rocking, shushing, patting, rubbing, massage, baths, dark, light, quiet, white noise, lullabies... nothing! 

I am letting her cry tonight and it is breaking my heart.  She's not scared or hungry. She's exhausted and mad that she is exhausted.  Even when I go in to pick her up and comfort her, she still screams her head off.  She dozes off for 15 minutes to get some energy back, then starts screaming all over again.  This goes on for hours.

She's healthy.  The doctors and nurses during our hospital stay couldn't help her.  Her pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health.  She just gets pissed off and is stubborn as all get out.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this - I don't think there is any advice left to give.  I've searched these forums and googled and read books... none of it has worked.  I just needed to vent, I guess.  Thanks for reading.

[cileag]

Oh mama! That sounds terrible and heartbreaking.  A couple suggestions:

1. Could she be teething?  Would you consider trying some ibuprofen or tylenol?  That has helped us over here on horrible nights.

2. http://www.askmoxie.org/2011/01/tension-decreasers.html

Also on the askmoxie site, it talks about the dreaded 8 month sleep regression.  I see her issues started earlier, but still, it probably won't be fixed this month anyway.  It was totally true for us.  That was a harder time for me than the first couple of months in terms of frequency of night wakings and difficulty trying to find a routine.   I was chronically tired by that point and starting to feel that my DD should be old enough to be "getting it" by then.  It was validating to realize it's normal.  Hang in there!  For us, it was about a month of hell and then started gradually getting better.

[JuliMummy]

Do you breastfeed her? Does she feed to sleep?

[fernie momma]

Have you tried bringing her to a chiropractor?  I've seen babies who won't sleep get adjusted and fall asleep immediately afterward.  Maybe when she bumped her head she put her neck out.  We're also having some sleep issues here with our 6 month old, a little more mild than your case from thew sounds of it, but he always sleeps better after an adjustment.  Hope this helps, I know how frustrating it can be.

[Louisep]

We hit a sleep regression at 5 months which coincided with DS's first tooth breaking through. He started sleeping better again when his last tooth popped through at 14 months. I felt like my entire life revolved around getting him to sleep. I used a sling/rocking chair/exercise ball and white noise. My strategies had to change frequently. He woke every 90 minutes when I did get him down for the night and nursing back to sleep didn't always work, so I'd have to sling him up in the middle of night and repeat the crazy dance.

I tried everything, even chiro. I tried strict elimination diets. Nothing worked, not even ibuprofen. I would say it's always worth trying some of these things because you never know. But for us 5-14 months was teething hell combined with early crawling, walking, talking.

In the end, the only thing I could do was accept it and worked out a schedule with my DH where he took DS every morning when he woke up and let me sleep for as long as he could. We also slowly got DS accustomed to DH putting him down at night and by about 11 months he could get him to sleep.

You'll get through it. Hang in there.

[chattyprincess]

no advice but I am dealing with the exact same issue. dd is almost 7months and fights sleep like she will die if she does. She is a mess and is getting worse. She screams for over 20 min while trying to get her to sleep no matter what she scream scream screams. I am going loco and dh is saying im just not patient enough. ugh. She is my 2nd so I know it will end someday but I want that day to be today. lol. So I am trolling for advice and offer lots of support because we are both in the same boat!

[Nicole730]

Have you tried putting her down for a nap earlier?  Some mornings my 10.5 month old can only be up for 1.5 hours before she is ready for a nap.  The longer she stays up, the harder it is to get her to nap.  How much sleep is your daughter getting a night?   At 7 months my daughter was getting 12 hours a night (with wake ups for nursing) and then 2 1-2 hours naps a day and 1 30min-1hour nap.  Seemed like a ton of sleep, but she would do it.  Now she usually skips the late afternoon shorter nap...but will go to bed at 5:30 some nights and sleep until 6:30 or later.

[BethHH]

Hi all - I really, really appreciate all of the posts.  I'm going to make an appointment with the pediatrician to ask for a chiro referral because, hey, it's worth a shot. 

Annelena has no teeth yet and I see no signs of them coming in (no excessive drooling, puffy or red gums), but that doesn't mean they aren't working their way through some inner layers.  I'll also try the paracetemol tonight.

I've tried earlier bed times, but then she treats it as a nap and is up again for a while at 8 or 9.  We've gotten her bedtime back from 8-ish to 6:30-ish, and I do her naptime based on when she wakes up, not by the clock.  She's usually up about 3 hours before I put her down again, but we can try 2 hrs and see what that does.  Good idea!

She does nurse and get bottles (I had supply issues but nurse as often as possible).  Our bedtime routine is new diaper, 3 books, then we go into the dark bedroom with a bottle and her toy that plays lullabies.  First the bottle, then the nursing, then a goodnight kiss and into bed.  We pre-heat her bed with a heating pad, and when she was younger it worked like a charm.  Now, even if she falls asleep nursing, she wakes up as soon as she hits the mattress.

That Ask Moxie article is really interesting.  I see both 'increaser' and 'decreaser' in her behavior, but I'm tending to think she's an increaser.  Wonder what my husband will see.

Today's nap:  I put her down 30 minutes ago.  She screamed for 10 and has been flopping around and making noise for 20 in an attempt to stay awake.  This is huge!  Usually, it's hours of screaming.  I've been making noise in the apartment so she knows she's not alone, but have not gone in to her.  Wait a sec... I hear... NOTHING!  Could she possibly be asleep?!  (False alarm, I do hear her moving around - but still no screaming!)

[BethHH]

Just to clarify - when I let Lene cry, I let her know she is not alone.  She can either hear, see, or feel me.  (I talk/sing to her from the hallway, or sit quietly in her line of vision, or rub her back/hold her hand.)  She has to stay in her crib next to our bed, though.  After her conk on the head, she can't nap in the co-sleeper or our bed.

[One_Girl]

When my dd was little I just stayed with her and nursed her to sleep in my bed, the mattress was all the way against the wall so it wasn't a problem.  I usually fell asleep with her.  Right now I work in an infant room at a daycare and there we usually pat the babies on the tummy very gently or just lay our hands on their tummies.  For the ones who don't want to sleep there it usually helps to turn your head to the side and pretend to be sleeping too.  A couple need to be held and swayed from side to side then very gently laid down after they have been asleep for several minutes.  Only a couple will fall asleep without physical contact of some sort and they all go through a difficult phase when they learn to get up on all fours and move around because then napping is really a choice unless you stay with them and make sure they are laying down until they are out.  Most of the babies in our room will fall asleep very quickly and without tears if you stay the whole time (and it only takes about 5 minutes or so of being there), if we have to leave and they decide it is play time it is harder to get them to sleep once we are free to go back and help them settle in.  I suggest staying the whole time and making sure she settles in because when you leave she is probably not laying down and settling in even if she is really tired.  It isn't going to be a quick fix, this is a hard stage because it takes a lot of one on one time, but it is possible to gently bring nap time back to what it was before movement became a voluntary reality.

[soso-lynn]

I have had 2 good sleepers so I am not necessarily a huge help here but I do want to point out that it might be worth trying to put her to bed later. My oldest goes to bed around 8 and then the baby and I hang out until I am ready to go to sleep. I generally spend that time on my bed working on my laptop, reading a book or watching something on TV and she plays, climbs on me and does baby things. She'll often nurse several times during those few hours and eventually she falls asleep. It is currently almost 11pm and she just fell asleep. I will soon turn off the remaining light and go to sleep. She is 8 months and will remain asleep with a few nursing sessions until I wake her up when we need to leave at 8am. She then falls back asleep in the car and naps sporadically throughout the day (sometimes many short 20-30 naps and sometimes 1 or 2 long 3 hour naps). I am pretty sure that if I attempted to put her to bed earlier (it seems most parents do somewhere between 6:30 and 8), I would end up getting much less sleep.

Another thing I think might have a role in good night sleeping is the set up of her daytime napping. During the day, I don't turn off the lights or make any effort to remain quiet while she sleeps. I think that it helps her get into a natural rhythm where dark and quiet is associated with going back to sleep if she wakes up.

[Adaline'sMama]

Oh, mama. I hope things will get better. Existing without sleep is so hard

If I were you I would make a nice pallet on the floor that is comfy but not too fluffly (safe, not something she could sink into). I would lay down and nurse her and then sneak away and leave here there. This works for naps too. If you cant leave her on your bed, then you need a place where you can lay down and nurse her. This worked so well for us that we got a twin mattress and put it perpendicular to our bed. DD starts out the night there every night, and she naps there too.

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by fernie momma 

Have you tried bringing her to a chiropractor?  I've seen babies who won't sleep get adjusted and fall asleep immediately afterward.  Maybe when she bumped her head she put her neck out.  We're also having some sleep issues here with our 6 month old, a little more mild than your case from thew sounds of it, but he always sleeps better after an adjustment.  Hope this helps, I know how frustrating it can be.

Ahh.... sleep... what is that?  Ha!

I was thinking cranial sacral therapy... see here. 

http://www.craniosacraltherapy.org/Whatis.htm

[Gemini529]

If she can get up on all fours, she is probably really close to being able to crawl....or just started crawling?  Maybe she is just really focused on learning how to crawl and it's driving her crazy.  I have heard babies can have trouble sleeping when they're working on something new. They are just too excited about the possibility of being able to move.  Rocking like crazy is what they do right before they take off!  

The one thing I've learned so far is that as soon as I get used to a routine and get used to it, my baby gets himself into a new one.  Nothing ever lasts more than a few weeks.  Once she starts crawling, she'll start obsessing about pulling up on things.  Then you'll finally get her into her crib.  And then she'll climb out! :)  

Sorry if this wasn't all that helpful.  Does she fit into her swing still?  Is she on solid foods?  Maybe she is thirsty and wants water?  Maybe she is teething and in pain.  When the teeth are moving through the jaw, even before you see them, supposedly it hurts pretty badly.

One time my baby wouldn't sleep.  He wouldn't nurse, wouldn't take a bottle, nothing.  Then I opened the cabinet to get myself a midnight snack and he started panting and gasping.  I pulled out a jar of baby sweet potatoes and his face lit up.  He gobbled the whole thing down in like 2 mins.  It's so hard to tell what they want!  Good luck!