Trying to Conceive, Where to begin?

[mamageorgie]

Hello Everyone!

I'm sure this question gets asked a lot, but I wanted to know your opinion nonetheless.

My partner and I have decided to start looking into conceiving a child. We know that it can be a long process, so we decided to start now regardless of the length. We decided a long time ago I would be the first one trying for a baby and confirmed it many times over the time that we have been together. We are curious about where exactly we should start.

I am a young healthy woman with irregular periods. When I was in my young teens I went to the doctors about it and they told me I was perfectly normal without anything to worry about. My periods are usually 81 days apart from what I have been keeping track of (I keep track of them on my iPhone), but sometimes they are more 'normal' than that. I know that this may cause us some issues trying to conceive. Apart from my irregular periods, I am in pretty perfect health. I eat right, treat my body as if it was sacred, and keep active.

A downside is that since I am a nanny, I don't have insurance. She has amazing insurance with her job, but it may be a while to get me on her's. We have to jump through a couple ropes due to being a lesbian couple in a state that doesn't recognize gay marriage or any other type of recognition. Though, if we had a child, they would be able to get on her insurance. And beyond that, we want to do this as 'naturally' as we can. I've read up on ICI and IUI at home, and it is something we would be interested in. The only problem is the sperm bank that we are looking into (Midwest Sperm Bank) needs a doctor's signature. I would love to find a midwife to help us with this, but I can't seem to find if there are any midwives in the Louisville area. I mean, we could always have my partner say that the sperm if for her, but that's not very honest.

I guess my main question is, if you were in our situation what would you do? Are there any recommendations you would have for us? Also, any help in determining ovulation with irregular periods? Any help is more that greatly appreciated. 

Cheers!

Georgie

[lisedea]

Do you have a health provider at all? I go to a nurse practioner and she signed off for me for MSB and it was totally fine.

I don't have an irregular cycle so I can't help too much with that...but while tracking, what do you actually track? Temp, CM, cervix, OPK? "Queer Conceptions" is a very active thread that could help you with some of these questions--it is definitely a diverse group of knowledgeable people!

Since your partner has the insurance, are you sure you want to me the one carrying? One of the main decisions for me to carry our first child was because I have insurance--while my partner doesn't (we are also in a state that doesn't recognize us as married and I have been struggling for several years to get her on my insurance....). I know some people have no desire to carry a child...but it is something worth talking about--definitely would save a lot of money!

[mamageorgie]

We hope that within the next year I will have insurance, either on her plan or benefits from a new job. Also, we have always talked about me getting pregnant and then once I am toward the middle to end of my second trimester, she get's pregnant. We really want children close in age.

But we have always agreed that I go first in the process.

Thank you so much for your input! It really helps just having someone help.

[prettyisa]

Hey Georgie--

Have you talked with your regular doctor about this at all? I'd think that getting a general checkup and pap and all that would be the best starting point, just to make sure that the 'don't worry about it' advice still stands. They might be able to refer you to a midwife in the area, too. I have a very regular cycle, so I don't know how difficult charting would be, but I would think that the other signs would line up together normally. If you haven't read Stephanie Brill's book on lesbian fertility, I'd highly recommend it:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1555839401/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1555836267&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1HYG227VR2G4V9CG80Y5

Also, I agree with Lisedea--you should come on over to Queer Conceptions! There are lots of us over there with lots of experience, so you'll probably get some good advice! Even if you're not starting quite yet, you're more than welcome to hang out and ask questions/get a feel for things!

[mamageorgie]

Sorry for the lateness of this reply!

And I just recently moved states, so I am trying to find a good doctor in this area. Well, I hope to soon find a good doctor in this area that will accept me with no insurance. And I actually just read the Ultimate Guide to Lesbian Pregnancy, but the book you referred I couldn't find under 100 dollars. Is it seriously that much money?

And I think that I will check out Queen Conceptions. I have always been intimidated to come over but I think I can figure it out.

Thank you guys so much for all your help!

[lisedea]

Oh no...I bought mine for a normal book price--maybe try somewhere else other than Amazon? (Although I know that is where I got mine...) I will look around a bit and see if I can find it cheaper somewhere...

[lisedea]

Here you go!

http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=1555839401

[prettyisa]

Oh! Sorry! I didn't even look at the price--just the title. Glad Lise found you the more realistic price! And come on over, we're really friendly, I promise!

[lyn_ftst]

With regards to your cycles, I had extremely irregular cycles (though mine were also painful, doesn't sound like yours are), and was quite concerned it would make TTC difficult.  Once I started charting (temps, OPKs, other signs, The book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler is GREAT for this, especially for troubleshooting weird cycles, much more info than either of the lesbian specific books), I realized I only ovulated on maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of my cycles, and that it was often my anovulatory cycles that were long.  

We had a bit of time before we were ready to try, so I decided to try acupuncture.  I started ovulating immediately, and my cycles got a lot more (though not perfectly) regular and a lot less painful. It still took a long time for things to even out enough that my acupuncturist thought TTC would work (about a year), but once we started, I got pregnant on the fourth cycle.  It doesn't sound like you're in a rush, so if finances permit, you might check into acupuncture now while you're figuring out the other stuff.  

[mamageorgie]

Thank you ladies for finding the book! I was getting very concerned at the prices. I even checked half where some people were trying to sell it for 200! I book marked the page and plan on ordering it very soon.

Originally Posted by lyn_ftst 

With regards to your cycles, I had extremely irregular cycles (though mine were also painful, doesn't sound like yours are), and was quite concerned it would make TTC difficult.  Once I started charting (temps, OPKs, other signs, The book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler is GREAT for this, especially for troubleshooting weird cycles, much more info than either of the lesbian specific books), I realized I only ovulated on maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of my cycles, and that it was often my anovulatory cycles that were long.  

We had a bit of time before we were ready to try, so I decided to try acupuncture.  I started ovulating immediately, and my cycles got a lot more (though not perfectly) regular and a lot less painful. It still took a long time for things to even out enough that my acupuncturist thought TTC would work (about a year), but once we started, I got pregnant on the fourth cycle.  It doesn't sound like you're in a rush, so if finances permit, you might check into acupuncture now while you're figuring out the other stuff.  

Thank you so much lyn for your advice!

It really makes me feel a little better and I was able to call my doctor from a couple years ago to get my information sent to me and what she thought was wrong. She looked it over and said that it was nothing to worry about and there was help to get my cycle more regular to make things easier to ttc. She referred me to a good gyno in my area. So, I'm hoping once we know about our insurance information I will be able to go. Though, I would love to try out more holistic ways at first.

I just looked up the book and just put it on my nook. Hopefully it will help out and I will also look into acupuncturist. I always hear really good things from women who have problems.

Thank yous o much ladies!

[2mamas2010]

If you need a sperm bank that doesn't require a MD's signature check out Northwest cryo... They don't require any MD signature and they will ship to your house.  Their prices are only slightly more than MWSB.

In my opinion, I would definitly get some insurance before you concieve.  Some insurances have stipulations that if you have a pre existing condition (i.e. pregnancy) they may not cover you.  And if you live in a state that doesn't recognize same sex anything, your child may not be able to get on your partners insurance if she is not bio mom or hasn't adopted the baby (not sure if she can in your state).  You never know what will happen in your pregnancy/birth and to not have insurance going in to the process is irresponsible to me.  You don't want to start off parenthood hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. 

Good luck.

[ValzQueen]

Thanks for the sperm bank info 2mama2010!!! Life saver!!! We were devastated to find out about MSB but now we will check out NW Cryo. We dont want to have to go through the whole MD signature again.

:) Mia

[julietea8]

I second the suggestion of Stephanie Brill's book. We used it before, during and after TTC and we'll use it up through the birth. We are fortunate to live a couple of blocks from Maia Fertility in Oakland, CA which Stephanie also began. Now Kristen is running the place and they do conception classes and birthing classes in person. But, Kristen lives on Maui now almost full-time and I know that she works with folks at a distance by phone or email. Good luck!