Originally Posted by mariaz
I would change the name if it is something that you don't like.
Our first AS's name is a name that we very much do not like. We kept it because at the time we had been calling him that name for two years (expecting RU with Biodad) and didn't think we would remember to call him a different name. I regret that decision. I do not like his name at all and hate that when I think of my own son's name it is not something that makes me happy.
Our STBAS has another name that we are not fans of (we live in a rural area and given names tend to be nicknames that reflect a particular style that we are not on board with --think Billy Bob). So instead of having another child with a name that just makes me sad, we have decided to change our newest son's name. He will be just over 2 at the time of his adoption.
I changed my dd's name. I know all the reasons not to change names, and I believe they are valid. But I also believe that there is not NEARLY enough said about the importance of weighing in your own feelings as a parent. My daughter came to us as a foster child, with a name I hated and thought sounded 'trashy'. I also thought it would grow on me, or at least become so synonymous with HER in my mind that it wouldn't matter. That had happened for me with other foster kids who had names I didn't really care for. But it didn't happen with my daughter. So I had a choice. I could change her name into something that I loved, or I could resign myself to inwardly cringing every time I introduced my daughter. I didn't want that, for her or for me. I wanted her to have a name I loved, a name with a story about how I chose it, just like her brothers, my biological children, have.
We had a nickname for her, from her birth name, and we chose a new long name for that nickname. So when we tell her the story of her name, it begins with the story of the name her first mom gave her, and then goes on to the nicknames her first foster family gave her, the nicknames we gave her, and how those became her name.
Does that make sense? Like if her name was Shyanne, and her first foster family called her Anne, and we called her Annie, and her new name became Annarose, but she still goes by Annie a lot of the time.
I feel like this was the happy medium between keeping her birth name and choosing a whole new one. If I had chosen a whole new one, it wouldn't be the name she has now, but I do love her name, and it suits her.
mariaz, I remember thinking your son's name stood out from the other names in your family. It makes sense now that you tell the whole story. Would it make any sense at all to ask him if he'd like to take a new name when you adopt your next child? Explaining that you didn't change his name at his adoption, but if he'd like to have a name chosen by his mom (and dad? sorry, don't remember your family situation) he could have one?