Weekday visitation WWYD?

[hillymum]

So sbx and I agreed he would have parenting time over other weekend (which is fine) and every Wednesday. Well, he works away every other week so I am wondering what to do about the Wednesday he is away. It's his parenting time, it cost me $500+ for mediation and this is what we agreed to, what he wanted, and I really could do with the break, so I think he should be responsible for arranging someone to pick the boys up as outlined in the parenting agreement. He thinks I should just accept when he says he isn't here to have the boys. In my mind I think if he only wants them every other Wednesday (which incidentally is whats written to cover the summer) then he needs to file a new agreement so the Judge see's he wants to decrease his time with our children, and he acknowledges the fact that he isn't here as much as he says he is.

I want to get this straightened out now so it's over and done with.

So, am I being over the top or is this a reasonable train of thought? How would you handle it oh wise ones????

[pupsnelda]

If he wanted every Wednesday and can't make it as stipulated before, then it is up to him to come up with a solution, like finding other childcare for the Wednesday he is not available. That's at least what mums have to do... Right? If he can't come up with a solution he has to get the arrangement between you to changed. It must predictable and relaiable, IMO. You are not the babysitter when HE does not have time. You need to be able to make plans and arrange your life and therefore you need to know what you have got.

I would ask him whether he wants to get ahead with Wednesday as planned and tell him that those days are not your responsibility and depending on his reaction would offer him to change the schedules. For me it would be crucial to know exactly when I have the children and when I am childfree, and this without worrying.

[orangecanoe]

If down the road you would like him to be flexible in a similar manner to cover your days for school/work or what have you, I would consider the benefit of planning for the every other Wednesday thing. I think it was in the book mom's house, dad's house?? not 100% sure. I think one of the parenting plan suggestions was to impose a financial cost to skipping days if it involved you having to pay for childcare to cover his parenting time. Am I reading right that you'd need someone to have them from after-school til the time you usually got them back?

I guess what I'm saying, is does it pay to be persnickety if it's only going to fuel anger between you guys or will it really not make a difference in the amount of support he is paying. He's away for work, not just skipping odd Wednesdays because he's off at a sports game or something, yk?

[sparklefairy]

We put in our agreement that if he is unable to fulfill his parenting time obligation that he must pay for childcare.

I don't really foresee this being a reality (and frankly, I'm pretty flexible, plus my kids are just about old enough to spend the time by themselves anyway), but it's completely unfair that parenting is an option for him and an obligation for me, plus I wanted veto on who cares for the kids. He works out of town frequently.

[Ceinwen]

If you truly believe that he only wants EOWednesday, then I'd have it changed. Also, if he refuses to change it, states that it's temporary, or what have you - then absolutely insist that he make arrangements.

(Bolding mine) I completely agree with this. I also see the need for some flexibility (things do come up, right?) but IME it can also turn into being treated a) like a built in babysitter or b) like taking his own kids is optional... one week I'll take them, one I won't?

My ex only has our two girls EOWeekend - and will tell me occasionally that he can't take them, has plans, etc. Guess what? Then find a babysitter. If you only have your kids FOUR DAYS a month - I value that time to myself.
 

Originally Posted by sparklefairy 

We put in our agreement that if he is unable to fulfill his parenting time obligation that he must pay for childcare.

I don't really foresee this being a reality (and frankly, I'm pretty flexible, plus my kids are just about old enough to spend the time by themselves anyway), but it's completely unfair that parenting is an option for him and an obligation for me, plus I wanted veto on who cares for the kids. He works out of town frequently.