Hi, I'm Jaime from Ft. Lauderdale Florida!

[JaimeNFlorida]

I'm new here and just wanted to introduce myself

I do not have any biological children. I am 40 years old and sadly the last two relationships (I was in love, loyal, etc) -- ended due to their deception/ cheating. I obviously chose badly, trusted too fully, and unfortunately learned the hard way that some people are simply immoral/ heartless.

I still look forward to someday finding that special guy and getting married --- I believe that there has to be loving men out there.

However, the unfortunate part of all of this is that as women the wait is more time pressured. I mean... suppose the love of my life doesn't come along until I am 45 ... 46 ... 47. That would be fine for me- BUT my eggs may not 'feel' that way - LOL.

So two weeks ago I made a decision that was probably the hardest I have ever made in my entire life --- to be a mother by choice. All the negatives came into my mind immediately and even to this second remain there --- how will my family respond? How will the child feel not having their biological father in their life? How do I explain that to them? Will they resent me for it? Will they hate me for my choice? How will people respond?

Then there are the thoughts regarding 'me' -- such as ---- I was planning to marry the last man I was with and was completely blindsided when my intuition told me something was wrong and I investigated and was completely right. It was him that wasted my time...... so why should I have to pay for his deception? Also --- I happen to be a very empathic, loving, happy person. I am a psychologist who is well established in my career. I know I would be a good mommy to my baby.

As you can see I am STILL overwhelmed by my decision and not 100% yet.

However, I have gone to the Reproduc. Endocrinologist (a couple of days ago) and he sounded quite optimistic. He even showed me via ultrasound that one of my 'eggs' was there waiting at the time I came for the visit.... I was about to ovulate. I felt pretty excited to see that. So.... I have all the typical test scheduled next month around my next cycle. He told me I need to pick a donor and that if all the tests look good next month that we need to move forward. I sat there with my mouth open...."all so fast!?!?" He said if all looks good I could have my first IUI in March.

So - that's my story :o)

I guess I should check out forums where other women are using donor sperm (eg "queer forum" ????)

I welcome comments from others who may be able to relate to what I am going through.

xooxox

Jaime

[Viola]

Wow, big decisions, but congratulations on moving forward with this!  And welcome to the site, I hope you can find some like-minded people. 

I think the only way to answer a question like how your child will respond is to tell the child that he or she is unique in the universe and only exists because of the choices you made.  You could marry a man and have a good relationship and have a child, but it wouldn't be that child, you know?  

And, of course, there are never any guarantees about who will be in your life anyway.  So many of the children in my family just haven't had fathers in their lives because the fathers have chosen not to be a part.  And I think you can have a unique and special relationship with your child that wouldn't be the same if the father was involved, and there can be bad sides, but there can be good sides too.  

[JaimeNFlorida]

Thank you so much Viola..... I really needed to hear those words.

~Best,

Jaime

[CatsCradle]

Hi Jaime, and welcome!  You have some very big decisions to make, and I wish you the best.  You may check out the Single Mommas forum here - it may give you a little more perspective on the ups and downs of doing it by yourself.  Parenthood is tough stuff, even with the best laid plans!  Let us know how your appointment goes.

[Irishmommy]

Welcome to Mothering!