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When will you share your news?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 

After the early mc in November, I am re-thinking when to tell others. We had just told our tribe of friends over Thanksgiving, then had the mc that weekend. James (SO) dealt with telling everybody. I only had to tell my close friends, who were totally supportive and loving. We also had to tell the kids that we wouldn't be having a baby when we expected.

So this time around I am wondering when the best timing is. First trimester will be over mid-March, which just seems like eons to hold this news in! The pg is very early, 4 weeks 6 days. When will you share your news? 

post #2 of 21
I think we' wait until a week or two into February, I've told a couple people...but not my kids or the general public smile.gif sorry to hear of your loss. Jenny
post #3 of 21

I told literally EVERYONE that day I got my positive pregnancy test.  My son is already going on about his little brother or sister.


I imagine though, that after a loss, you'd be more nervous about revealing.  Just do it when it feels right to you.  If that's tomorrow, then go with it.  If it's in March, then that's okay too.  You'll know :)

post #4 of 21

We will have told everyone (except maybe facebook people) by 6 weeks. Too excited to hold it in! DS is too little to understand, but we call him big brother anyway. We found out at 4+3, and by 4+5 both of our families knew and our close friends. the word will trickle out from there. We held it in a little longer with DS (by days) but that was due to opportunity, or lack of it.


If you don't feel comfortable sharing, then it is ok to wait. my supervisor at work just shared her news with us, and she is 22 weeks! I couldn't possible hold the news in that long!

post #5 of 21

We're going to tell family around 8 weeks (if we can wait that long), and close friends afterwards. Our wider circle of friends will find out at 12 weeks.


Last time we had the opportunity to tell families in person (thanks to a funeral)... this time we probably won't. (All of our folks live way out of state)


ETA: Actually, I went looking for the Oct 2011 DDC because I had to tell SOMEONE besides DH! :) His reaction is always so underwhelming... typical guy.


We'll likely tell our folks this weekend -- not at 8 weeks -- if I make it in to the office for the blood test this week. I did another EPT yesterday afternoon (1/25) and the line is darker blue than the control line! (it was really faint on 1/22)

Edited by korintherin - 1/25/11 at 4:00pm
post #6 of 21

As late as possible for most people. Last time we told after the first trimester was over. I would prefer to wait until about 20 weeks as long as I am not showing by then. A few people will need to know early, but we will ask them to keep it to themselves.

post #7 of 21

This is our first pregnancy. I'm only 4 weeks but I can't tell you how EXCITED I feel. We've been wanting this for a very long time and unexpectedly it just happened!

I told my parents, my sister and a close friend. I mentioned to my friend what I was going to wait longer to tell everyone else and she said it's because it's really easy to lose the baby before 11 weeks.

This is why I'm hesitant to even speak of it anymore. Is this true? Is is very easy to lose the baby before 11 weeks? I'm 25 years old and in great health. Should I be nervous?


Honestly, I really just want to tell everyone I walk past on the street. My fiance feels the same way - we just want everyone to know.


Any advice for a first timer?

post #8 of 21

I wouldn't say it is "easy" because that implies a level of difficulty. I would say it is most common to lose a baby before 6 weeks, and the risk of of miscarriage goes down from that point.


FWIW: IF we were to lose this baby, I wouldn't regret telling anyone, these are the people I would want to support me if that happened, and so many of my girlfriends IRL have experienced MC that I would really appreciate their encouragement.  It is up to you how you feel about it.


If you are excited, be excited, embrace it, there is nothing wrong with celebrating the beginning of a new life.

post #9 of 21
In general, about 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
I would suggest telling as many people as you want.
The only risk is untelling. If that sounds horrible, then tell fewer. There's nO wrong way to go about it.

Personally, I'll likely wait to as close as 20 weeks as possible - May.
But I'm in the .5% of women who've had 4 miscarriages.


post #10 of 21

I'm a first-timer, too, and am terrified at the possibility of a miscarriage.  It took us 13 cycles to get here (MUCH longer than expected, and with more medical assistance than expected), so I guess after being so disappointed in the TTC process, I'm nervous about being disappointed again, you know? 


Because of that, we'll wait until 8 weeks to tell family and super close friends, and then more distant friends can find out after 12 weeks.  I'm dying to tell SOMEONE - no one even knows we were trying (even after 13 cycles), so it'll be a shock to quite a few people. 


Edit - I'm kind of DDC crashing, I'm due late September, so I'm guessing I might go in October.

post #11 of 21

Hi Val!


post #12 of 21

Hi Val.  Nice to see you here!


I got a really early BFP, I haven't even missed my period yet (should be later this week), so it's so so early to tell anything.  Despite that, I did tell my mom and my best friend.  And, naturally, I told the TTC forum girls first of anyone except DH. 


Ideally I would wait until April (start of 2nd trimester) to tell the world at large, but frankly I'm not sure how to keep it hidden from our drinking buddies that long.  Clearly something's up if I'm not sitting at Joe's with a gin and tonic any given Friday night.  At least I think I can keep it off Facebook until late spring. 


post #13 of 21

Hi yellowdart!!!  Glad to have you as a DDC buddy (kind of - I'm bouncing between September and October). 


I've already gotten my drinking buddies used to me not drinking - I won't drink during the 2ww, so now it'll seem normal.  After two months of continuously not drinking, someone might get suspicious, but at least by then I'll be ready to tell. 

post #14 of 21

Our parents already know (bfp today) & siblings will know shortly. Everyone else sometime in the coming weeks. I'm terrible at keeping secrets. And honestly with the struggles we have to get pregnant (that I am overly honest with everyone about) it would be hard to hide that I'm no longer obsessed with ttc.


I think it is a highly personal thing. I would very much need the support of those around me if I miscarried but I understand others want to keep it private.

post #15 of 21

Hi All,

I just got my BFP and I'm happy and hoping to have our first baby in October!  I can't wait! 


I had a MC with my first pregnancy last May. I was at 12 weeks when I MC (the baby died at 6 weeks). At the time of the MC, I had told only my parents and about 5 of my closest friends. I was going to tell everybody in a week but then I miscarried, was so sad, and was really grateful I didn't have to un-tell people. Having to tell my folks and close friends the sad news was so so hard.  I don't think I could tell that kind of news to regular people/co-workers.  I am very glad I had told these important people though because to have their support helped us through that dark time.  I am also very glad the world did not know because every time you have to share the sad news, you have to relive it.


It took until now (Jan) to be ready to TTC again (emotionally and physically).  And with our first try it worked!  This time around, I feel 50% total joy and embracing the pregnancy, and 50% total fear and caution that it won't stick.  So, I will most likely wait until 16 weeks to tell anybody.  That isn't true, I already told my best friend because I know I'll need her support if I do MC.  And because it is such great exciting news!!   But I really don't want to put my parents through the emotional cycle again in the unlikely chance that I do (please no) MC again....I don't want to break my mom's heart again.        Also, I know when I do tell my parents, they'll embrace the news with happiness and total joy, but I can't help but feel a little "never cry wolf"-ish.   I don't want to tell them and then make them feel "cautious" too.  I'm okay to feel cautious for myself, but I want them to feel secure.....so I will wait for the 2nd trimester to announce our big exciting news to them.  And then, eventually, with the world...  


My advice: Wait as long as you can and enjoy the special news with just you and your partner.  Sometimes a secret is even more special!  Cherish this time!  And when you are ready to share your news, share it with people you love very much.  Tell people you trust and who will support you --in the chance that you do MC. (But I am sure you won't- think positively!!!)  It is such a private thing to MC, and I wouldn't want that weird co-worker to say "Sorry, but you know that is common, right?  My wife...blah blah..." It was hard enough hearing that from my beloved, caring, supportive best friends.    You don't want to have to explain it to people who don't care in the first place. 


One more thing: after going through a MC when many people around me are getting pregnant, (other co-workers/other friends/random people) I sometimes-secretly- took it really hard when I heard the news of their joy.  Of course I was happy for them, but the MC experience taught me (among other things) to be sensitive to other people's situations- even if you don't know what they are.  Of course people will say "Congratulations!" when you announce your great news.  And they will (they better be) sincerely happy for you!!   But secretly, they might feel pain or a reminder of their loss.  And you may not (will l likely not) know it, so just be sensitive-- because you don't know what people have gone through, and what they want too.  


I fear I just sounded like Debbie Downer - sorry.  I hope what I said helps you in your decision about when/how you share your AWESOME news!  It is miracle!  Celebrate!  Congratulations!!!!
Warmly and sincerely- congratulations!!  October Babies are coming!!






post #16 of 21

We always tell within the first week of finding out. I make iron-on shirts that say "I'm gonna be a big sister!" or "I'm gonna be a big sister! (again)" and this time around, my 15 year old's shirt says "What was Mama thinking?" We go visiting grandparents and that's how they find out. I told the teenagers the first day I took the test, it was a very faint positive and I called them into the bathroom to look at it. The 8 year old saw the test the next morning and figured it out. They are thrilled!


But yeah, I tell asap. Grandparents first then others.

post #17 of 21
We are going to tell my kids tomorrow. My youngest Matthew who will be 8 in April recently said to me" mom if aunt Mary and uncle robert have a baby sometime then I won't have to be the youngest one anymore." I think he's going to be excited...I hope they all will be. smile.gif
post #18 of 21

I haven't told anyone yet besides DD's due date club. Those Mama's have been watching my journey of TTC and I couldn't wait to tell them. My fist couple of tests took a long time to come up but they are the ones that reassured me that they were positive. I've since retested and got nice dark lines quickly. Today is the day I expected my period to start so I'm just 4 weeks along. It was wonderful to have those Mama's to celebrate with right away.


I'm dying to share the news but don't want to share too early. DH wants to wait a long time but I know I won't be able to. If I can stand it I'll wait for a couple more weeks. I haven't called my sister in days because I don't think I can keep it in! After we tell family in a couple of weeks we'll slowly begin to tell our close friends.

post #19 of 21

We are going to try and wait til I'm seven or eight weeks. I was on progesterone with my first pregnancy so I am a little nervous this time since I have to go to a new doctor and wont be able to get in for an appointment as soon!

post #20 of 21

We aren't sure when we are telling. I joined this DDC because I want to talk about it and I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to it about. My sister just had her first and is busy figuring it out. My mom is not super chatty about all that stuff. We are thinking of waiting until about 11-12 weeks when we can hear the heartbeat and tell the kids when we go to the Midwife. She is the same person we used for #3 DS and the kids know and remember her. So that would be exciting. We will wait and see. If I start getting really sick I will have to tell.

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