Pretending he can't do anything - Page 2

[D_McG]

I sort of did a little bit when DS went through this but was careful not to indulge it too much for many reasons. One of which is what it's annoying . A quick word about how we'd have to miss ____ if he couldn't get dressed went a long way. I think I only had to follow through once.

I like what was written above about 'appropriate' vs 'expected' behaviors. There are lots of normal things for kids to do. Doesn't make them OK. Like my son who just whined and whined for a snack (normal) went to his room because he 'couldn't' ask for it in a normal voice. OK that's pretty typical behavior (whining). But it's also unacceptable. Whining doesn't get you what you want. It gets you some time to reflect and find your normal voice. Of course I could trace back 10 reasons why he's especially whiney this morning. But really - life isn't perfect. We all have to at least try. Or take a break until we feel like trying.

With the helpless thing I have the same attitude. I'm not treating my 4 year old like a 6 month old. It takes too much time, it's annoying etc. I'll carve out time during the day to do some extra age-appropriate bonding things (coloring or whatever). Maybe meet the need that way.

[mizliz72]

OMG, DSD is 7 now and still pulls that crap on occasion, but thankfully it let up a lot this year.  I would just about pull my hair out when she, at 5 and even 6, would claim she couldn't do something, and then do it wrong ON PURPOSE with added drama just to PROVE to me she couldn't do it.  I have a very hard time keeping my patience and keeping cool, and there were times I wanted to walk out and never come back.  She still doesn't unbutton most of her jeans to pull them down because she can't (and some of them really are difficult) but sometimes I think it's laziness and faking.  I don't know why kids go through this "phase" - are they afraid we aren't going to help them with things anymore and they don't want to give up having that kind of attention from us?  I'm just happy that I THINK she's getting past this "I can't" phase.  We still have the whining about things though, especially if you're telling her to do something she doesn't want to, she just answers with a whine and when you tell her not to whine, she whines louder.  And like this morning when she sat in her room, whining, not getting dressed for school because it was too cold.  Gahhhhh!