Bummed by a Free Cycle experience - kinda silly

[tree_hugger]

My youngest son is nearly five. He's outgrown his size four clothes so it was time for me to sort out his stuff and FC what we don't need any more.

It was kind of an emotional process for me, for a couple of reasons.

1. He is my youngest child, and due to my husband and I divorcing I won't be having any more children.

2. My last pregnancy ended in miscarriage, so there's kind of the thought there that I should have another son to wear these clothes, KWIM?

Anyway, I felt comforted by the fact that someone else would be getting good use from them so listed them on FC.

A lady replied and said that she could really use them for her son, so I have her my address. She arrived with a baby boy who was obviously less than six months old. She said, "Oh, I just grab whatever boy stuff I can and hang onto it until we need it."

She's going to keep these clothes in storage for at least three years! And chances are she'll take other similar offerings in the interim and by the time her son is that size she'll have heaps to choose from! It seems like hoarding to me, and not in the spirit of FC.

I know its silly and par for the course with FC, but I am rather upset about it. :(

[clutterwarrior]

Oh that is disappointing....I do understand how emotional it was for you to give them away.

Just for future reference, you are not obliged to give the things to the person who turns up. It is up to you to change your mind. If something like that happens ever again, just say "I'm very sorry but I was under the impression the items would be used immediately, so I have to say no on this occasion."

[tree_hugger]

Originally Posted by clutterwarrior 
Just for future reference, you are not obliged to give the things to the person who turns up. It is up to you to change your mind. If something like that happens ever again, just say "I'm very sorry but I was under the impression the items would be used immediately, so I have to say no on this occasion."

Eeek! That sounds very sensible but I am a people pleaser and I couldn't say something like that. I would feel bad that she'd driven all the way to my house only for me to change me mind!

I think I will put in future offers something like "would prefer items to go to someone who has an immediate use / need for them".

[babygirlie]

Hmm.. well people have given me clothes that my dd can wear in 8 years. I have boxed them, labeled them and will go through them as needed. I didn't seek them but I might have if I didn't have any. I did give away some as there was a ton and it was really old and 5 generations passed down. I do admit stuff I got when baby was 2 days old and  a year and a half later I was going through my boxes I was pretty stoked at finding things that would fit her. Like christmas all over lol.  3-4 years is a long way away but if you are getting what you can get so you won't be freaking out later I can understand... then again I'm sure some people would think I'm a hoarder. :/  Oh even those these clothes were very important to the person giving them to me I am still letting go of things I know are just too used and not telling her. I made sure to ask though if she wanted ANYTHING back.

[SomethingAnonymous]

I don't think it's silly.  Once I put up a nice comforter for free, and it was hard to let go of.  Someone replied and said they would love to have it for their dog or something.  I didn't give it to them because I was thinking someone could use it that didn't have warm blankets for the winter.  I couldn't stand the thought of that nice comforter just being destroyed by a dog.  I ended up finding a college student who really didn't have any bedding. 

I am sorry that happened! I agree that if there is a next time you can just be more specific in your ad and try to screen out things like that.  It's not your fault though! It will be ok, I am sure eventually those clothes will get used and worn.  Maybe she will pass them on to someone else.  Or maybe she doesn't have a ton hoarded away, maybe she only gets what her son will need?  You never know.

[ChristyMarie]

When DS was younger I also would buy things much too big if they were a good bargain.  We had this huge resale event I'd go to once a year and really stock up.  I'd sort, label and then just pull out the appropriate box as he grew.  Worked really well because then I was never caught by an unexpected growth spurt.  I could always just pull out the next size.  So just because she wasn't using them right away does not mean she won't truly appreciate and use them.

(((Hugs)))

[LaughingHyena]

I think that would bother me too. I know it can be emotional giving away kids clothes, I spent this weekend sorting them out by I'm not ready for freecycle just yet. Also part of my rational for giving stuff away now rather than storing it for if we have another child is knowing how much elastic and so on can deteriorate while it's being stored, it makes it feel a bit pointless if someone else is going to store it anyway YK.

I have put in adverts that I would prefer stuff to go to people who can use it now. To refuse to give it to someone when they turn up seems unfair though, I would be pretty angry if I arranged to collect something, turned up and the person said they had changed their mind. I would definatly be here venting about that :lol

Actually I have had this sort of happen, DH went to collect a pushchair as ours did not have a rain cover, this one needed a repair which DH felt would be easy but did have a rain cover. Anyway the person changed their mind at the last minute and decided to keep the rain cover. Since DH had already brought it home by this time he fixed it and we found a new home for it.

[Stayseeliz]

I quit using freecycle for reasons like this. We had someone show up at 10 at night to get something when they said they'd be there at 7, people wanting multiple pictures of items, etc. I've decided it's more trouble than it's worth and starting taking things to Goodwill.

[cristeen]

Something to consider.  Hopefully it helps you feel better. 

Just because her LO is 6 mos, doesn't mean it's gonna be all that long before he's wearing 4Ts.  My 16 mo is in 3Ts, and the 4T tee-shirts actually fit him far better than the 2Ts we have (they're the same width, but the 4T is longer). 

[clutterwarrior]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Something to consider.  Hopefully it helps you feel better. 

Just because her LO is 6 mos, doesn't mean it's gonna be all that long before he's wearing 4Ts.  My 16 mo is in 3Ts, and the 4T tee-shirts actually fit him far better than the 2Ts we have (they're the same width, but the 4T is longer). 

Tree_hugger is an Aussie, and size 4 here is made for age 4 to 5, whereas 4Ts are made for age 3 to 4.  So unfortunately it probably will be a while before they get used.

Must say that I also have gone off freecycle due to a few bad experiences. I prefer to donate to the Salvos or Smith Family.

[tree_hugger]

Originally Posted by clutterwarrior 

Quote:

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Something to consider.  Hopefully it helps you feel better. 

Just because her LO is 6 mos, doesn't mean it's gonna be all that long before he's wearing 4Ts.  My 16 mo is in 3Ts, and the 4T tee-shirts actually fit him far better than the 2Ts we have (they're the same width, but the 4T is longer). 

Tree_hugger is an Aussie, and size 4 here is made for age 4 to 5, whereas 4Ts are made for age 3 to 4.  So unfortunately it probably will be a while before they get used.

Must say that I also have gone off freecycle due to a few bad experiences. I prefer to donate to the Salvos or Smith Family.

Thanks, CW. Yeah, its going to be at least three years before these clothes get worn.

I prefer to donate to Salvos or Lifeline, too, but I think at this time of year they get overwhelmed with clothes. Most of our local op-shops have signs up saying they aren't taking clothes right now.

[babygirlie]

Well I just tried a 3T on my 21m old and it's almost tight!  She is very small, barely on the weight chart. She still isn't fitting into 18m jeans. They fall right off her bum. Kid's clothes seem to shrink or get short and really wide with washings.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by tree_hugger 

Originally Posted by clutterwarrior 
Just for future reference, you are not obliged to give the things to the person who turns up. It is up to you to change your mind. If something like that happens ever again, just say "I'm very sorry but I was under the impression the items would be used immediately, so I have to say no on this occasion."

Eeek! That sounds very sensible but I am a people pleaser and I couldn't say something like that. I would feel bad that she'd driven all the way to my house only for me to change me mind!

I think I will put in future offers something like "would prefer items to go to someone who has an immediate use / need for them".

Yeah, you'd get kicked off freecycle here if you agreed to give something to someone and changed your mind when you saw them.  It's fine to pick and choose in advance from the emails you receive, though.  If you can just put things outside your door for pick up, you need never dwell on who is taking them because you won't really know...  Some people take things to resell and our freecycle group has made it very clear that that is fine.  The group's only purpose is to keep things out of landfills.  It's not a charity group to help people in need or anything.
 

[juliasmum]

Definitely understandable, especially with all the emotional stuff going on.

Both of mine have worn 1-2 sizes bigger since about 18 months and continue to still.  When my oldest DD was a baby we were on a very tight budget and I would grab clothes when I could.  I just labeled tubs up to size 6 and filled them as I found clothes.  They did all get used and I'm glad I had the storage to be able to do that.

So hopefully your clothes will be worn and loved sooner than you think :)

[Friday13th]

I definitely did that one or two times when DS1 was a baby.  It was alarming how fast he was blowing through sizes and I guess I thought, holy crap he's going to wake up one morning and be a 4 or a 5 and I'm not going to have anything for him to wear!  Little did I know as a FTM that his growth would slow and his shape would change dramatically and now at 3 is just outgrowing 2t stuff.  But I still have the freecycle stuff in a labeled bin so it will get used.