Well I am posting here with trepidation because I'm halfway afraid of the "I told you so" comments but I have to get this off my chest and I really don't have anyone IRL to talk to.
I posted a while back (the thread is gone now) about my mother calling CPS and making false allegations regarding my DP. In the end the case was determined to be unfounded and there is a note in the system about it in case of future malicious calls from either of my parents. But it still caused so much grief and the suspense was unbearable. I truly have never been so scared in my life. At one point DP and I sat on the kitchen floor together and just cried. the thought of losing our chidlren even for one night was the most horrible, painful thing.
So it's over and done with. DP's roommate came back and freaked out about me and the kids living there full time (we were not supposed to move in until the roommate moved out and rented us the whole house, in February.) He was also not at all cool with the idea that CPS/the police had been in his house during his absence. Long story short we had to leave.
So I made the decision way back when I found out about the CPS allegation that I was done with my parents, forever, goodbye, disowned them. But it is SO HARD
Ds asked why he couldn't go to grandma's house and I answered him honestly that we live far away from grandma now (we moved about 3 hrs away). I feel so absolutely horrible keeping him from them because he loves them dearly, but already after only three weeks away from my parents he has stopped screaming at/disrespecting DP and I and he and DP are getting along fine again, just like they were before we moved back with my parents.
I just get so confused. I know that I've made mistakes in parenting. I certainly did not pick the right father for ds. I felt lucky when I met DP and he took on a parenting role almost from the get go. When he made mistakes that I felt were inexcusable I removed myself and ds from the situation. Our relationship was strong enough that we weatheredthe storm, got help and I can honestly say that we are a happy family. But we got there through trial and error, and my mother witnessed every single error, whether real or imagined. She has talked so much about my mistakes that I doubt myself now. and I start to wonder if maybe the whole thing really was just her trying to do the right thing. But...Since we have left the area, she has tried multiple times to find out where we are. First she called the socail worker and told he she had present for the children and wanted to bring them to me. Then she wanted to bring the presents to the social services office and have thw worker deliver them. Then she called medirectly when I told the worker no thank you and said she had [resents and wanted to know how to get them to the children. I told he the best present she could give them was the gift of two parents who love them more than life itself. hint, hint. She told me "well, I only did the same thing you would have done if you were in myshoes." That got me thinking, would I havedone what she did? And Ithink the answer is no. First of all, I would havetrusted my adult dd enough that if she said she was already seeking counseling for the child I would have let it go. Secondly, if I was unequivocally sure that a child was being sexually molested, I would not have waited three days to call CPS. While the child was in my care, I would have called hte police immediately. Which leads me back to the fact that she wasn't doing it with my ds' best intersts at heart.
I just can't beleive that I don't have a mother I can trust. My friend wisely told me to have a funeral for her (emotionally that is) and move on. And for some reason I just can't accept it yet. I have an especially hard time thinking about where this puts my dad. Because he stands by her I've had to cut him off too. I understand that when you love someone it's not that easy. But I feel as though he chose my mom over me. And again I understand but I am very very hurt. I would have felt guilty if he chose me over my mom though because then both of them would be devastated. My dad can't live without my mom---literally. But I don't think he would ever have called CPS on me on his own. He just isn't that type of person. He hates confrontation.
I knew it had to end though because the last time I was there (to get some things) my mother said some very hurtful thigns to me and I actually reached out to slap her. I'm so ashamed and horrified and I know how wrong it was. I literally was seeing red. Literally. I was so overcome with shock and horror at what she had done I felt like I was losing control. And I knew we could never be around each other again, becuase if someone is making you angry enough to get violent, it is time to walk away. But I feel like somehow this is all myfault, and I am punishing everyone around me. I halfway WANT to punish my parents. I WANT them to hurt like I am hurting. But then when I think about thier faces and how devastated they must be to not see or speak to us anymore I feel pity for them and I feel so guilty. I really feel like all I have done is tear the family apart.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I just needed to vent somewhere because this is eating me up inside. I know I need to accept it how it is and get over it.