Originally Posted by mother4peace82
I don't really know the details of your situation but it seems your mother, for some reason, was concerned for your children. It was wrong of her to make false allegations, but perhaps it is wrong to deny your children the right to see their grandparent. Is it possible for you to forgive your mother and reconcile? It may bring peace to your spirit to put the past behind and resolve the situation. The suffering caused by the disconnection must be painful for you and your children, and your mother. Hopefully one day you will change your mind about having a relationship with your mom. We all make mistakes, but that is how we learn and grow. I wish you the best on your journey!
My mom was not concerned for my children. I don't know if I mentioned this upthread, but she did not call CPS for several days after the supposed "allegation" by ds (which, incidentally, no one else ever heard, because this supposedly happened when he was alone with her). Having been a mandated reporter I can say with 100% certaintly that if a child was left in my care and made clear, unmistakable allegations of sexual abuse, I would call the police, and THEN the parent. No way would I take a chance on sending that child back to that environment. The fact that she stewed over it fo several days,and TOLD ME FIRST and then went ahead and called, tells me that she was weighing the risks to HER of causing such big drama, not the risks to my children. No one in their right mind needs 3 or 4 days to decide about calling CPS if they are so sure that a child is being molested and they definitely don't give a heads up to the potential molester. No, she was trying to decide whether or not I was bluffing or serious when I told her that if she called CPS it would be the last she saw of my children.
Yes, my children have th right to see their grandparents, but they also have the right to live in a safe, secure environment with two loving parents. If the former threatens the latter then I have to make the choice that reflects their best interests.
I have yet to receiv an apology from either of my parents, and they continue to play games and try to stir the pot. My mother checks in at the consignment stores that I frequent, and asks the owners whetherthey have seen me, and about the children and so on. She calls my aunts and demands that they answer questions about me, and tries to tell them how worried she is about my children not being cared for properly. When my aunt didn't give in to her pestering, she actually called her job, and spoke to her boss.
I'm now dealing with the issue of my parents' upcoming anniversary. Part of me says not to worry about it, especially considering what I went through two years ago for their 25th anniversary. I wanted to throw a suprise formal dinner party (mainly for my mom's benefit) and she made it SO difficult. Obviously she didn't know what I was up to, but she was so incredibly controlling, manipulative and just plain mean, that by the day of the party I was so beaten down and discouraged, and feeling so horirble that I wanted to kill myself. That sounds dramatic, but, I actually felt THAT horrible. I tried to go to the friend's house where I was doing it, to set up, I was yelled at, physically prevented from leaving, etc etc because she didn't trust me. And I just wanted to do something nice for her. It just was NO fun, the way it should be when you give someone something. And then whenever I stayed at her house after that, she woud bitterly complain that I had cleaned up the kitchen of the host friend's house after the party, but I couldn't be bothered to clean HER kitchen (insert: to her standards.) Yet, I am still feeling immensely guilty about no acknowldeging their anniversary this year. I mean, if I could just get an apology.
I *wish* I could share my children with my mother. They are my pride and joy and I WANT to show them off to her. But I can't trust her.
I've come too far in learning about myself and in healing. Much of that is due to this man who stands by me through my worst moments, and really, truly WORKS at our relationship because he values me enough that it is worth it. That is not something I have seen in my mother. It's always my fault, with her. If my mother wants to go around and not only hurt me, but try to ruin the life of the one person who, imperfect as he is, has shown me unconditional love, then it would be a hnuge step backwards for me and a slap in the face to him, to reconcile with her (which would inevitably involve me being the bad guy, the errant child, and her the benevolent mother willing to forgive me once again.)