Helping an intense toddler to sleep better?

[lovepiggie]

I was hoping I could get some advice and encouragement from anyone who has been through something similar!

My DS, 16 months old, is very active and intense. He's a happy boy, but he is always on the go and never stops moving/talking. He's also never been a great sleeper, but now it's just getting impossible.

It's very hard to put him down for a nap. He squirms and cries and crawls out of bed to play. Sometimes I can get him to go to sleep by taking him for a walk, but not always. If he does end up having a nap, it makes it so much harder to put him down to bed at nighttime. Quite often, my DH has to pin him to the bed and just go "shhh" into his ear until he calms down. This works sometimes, but on the nights it doesn't it can be really emotionally draining for my DH and I.

I don't feel that he's old enough to go without naps... And I know it's hard for me to go through the day without a break, haha. Does anyone have any suggestions to help him calm down enough to sleep? I think he has a hard time turning his body "off".

[JuliMummy]

Do you breastfeed him? It's the only way I can get my daughter to lie still for long enough to go to sleep ( but even then she squirms a lot). I'll be interested to see other people's responses...

[lovepiggie]

I do breastfeed him. It's what we do first! Sometimes it works, when he is very tired. If he's not very tired, he will poke and prod at me the entire time and does not stop wiggling. Then when he lets go, DH will try and put him to bed...and if that doesn't work, I try nursing again! And repeat..

[JuliMummy]

That sounds so much like my daughter. She also doesn't stay still ever. When I put her to bed in the evening around 8/8:30 I feed her, and if she's tired enough she will fall asleep feeding. If she's not then she will start squirming and wriggling, and (which I find most annoying) squeezing, pushing and pinching my breasts). I would get soooo frustrated at this. I have also tried holding her down to get her to lie still for long enough to go to sleep, which she hates of course.

Then I decided to stop feeding her when she starts squirming and go and lie on our bed (she's on a mattress next to our bed) and just wait until she falls asleep. This often still takes a while, and she gets a bit upset when I go to lie down on our bed (only for a moment though), but it is so much less frustrating for me. 

The room is dark and I insist that she lie down ( I do have to tell her to lie down again and again). She still babbles away and squirms around on her bed for a while, depending on how tired she is, but she will fall asleep eventually (usually around 9). She still absolutely needs me to be there, even if she doesn't need to feed to sleep anymore. She doesn't even allow my husband to put her to bed instead.

At naptimes she still falls asleep feeding most days, so that's fairly easy.

I don't know if there is anything helpful for you in what we do, but it might help to know that you're not the only one with a little one who's hard to switch off.

What time do you put him to bed at night? What time and how long are his naps? How long does he take to go to sleep in the evening? Is the room dark?  

[Spring Lily]

You might want to try letting him do some water play before nap. Let him play in the sink or bathtub for awhile. Waterplay is very soothing and centering, and may help get him in the right mood.

Also, reducing sensation might help. Make sure the room is dark, maybe put on white noise that will help lull him to sleep. I'd also make sure the room (at least what he can see from bed) is tidied up. If they toys are laying out it is so tempting to jump down and play with them.

I have a few tricks I use with my kids, too. I lie down next to them and concentrate on making my breathing very steady, and loud enough for them to hear. Then I start closing my eyes. They do pick up on those cues, and usually it does tempt them into starting to close their eyes and relax a little, too.

You could also try a little routine before nap, like putting on a certain soothing, slow cd and giving him a gentle massage with baby lotion. It can help him get in touch with his body feeling relaxed and still, and I'm sure he'd eat up that attention.

[JamieB]

I recommend the book "Sleepless in America" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  It helped us a lot!

[lovepiggie]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions!
 

Originally Posted by JuliMummy 

That sounds so much like my daughter. She also doesn't stay still ever. When I put her to bed in the evening around 8/8:30 I feed her, and if she's tired enough she will fall asleep feeding. If she's not then she will start squirming and wriggling, and (which I find most annoying) squeezing, pushing and pinching my breasts). I would get soooo frustrated at this. I have also tried holding her down to get her to lie still for long enough to go to sleep, which she hates of course.

Then I decided to stop feeding her when she starts squirming and go and lie on our bed (she's on a mattress next to our bed) and just wait until she falls asleep. This often still takes a while, and she gets a bit upset when I go to lie down on our bed (only for a moment though), but it is so much less frustrating for me. 

The room is dark and I insist that she lie down ( I do have to tell her to lie down again and again). She still babbles away and squirms around on her bed for a while, depending on how tired she is, but she will fall asleep eventually (usually around 9). She still absolutely needs me to be there, even if she doesn't need to feed to sleep anymore. She doesn't even allow my husband to put her to bed instead.

At naptimes she still falls asleep feeding most days, so that's fairly easy.

I don't know if there is anything helpful for you in what we do, but it might help to know that you're not the only one with a little one who's hard to switch off.

What time do you put him to bed at night? What time and how long are his naps? How long does he take to go to sleep in the evening? Is the room dark? 
 

DS also does the pinching/grabbing etc... He does it to my armpits too! It drives me bonkers. I've tried just lying down with him, but he usually just crawls out of bed and goes to the door, or walks around. It might be worth trying again though... How old is your daughter?

We try to put him to bed at 8 pm at the latest. He usually wakes up at 9:30 am no matter what time he goes to bed. Even if he falls asleep at 6:30 pm, he is up at 9:30 am. We've tried getting him earlier, but it just makes him miserable for the rest of the day. He only naps about 25% of the time now, since I have such difficulty putting him down. When he does nap though, it's usually from about 1 pm to 3 pm. I try very hard getting him down earlier, but he resists. I don't try to put him down after 1 pm, since I know he will stay up much too late then... Even going for a nap at 1 pm seems too late for me, but since he is getting up at 9:30 am, he doesn't really need a nap earlier.

The evening depends.. Tonight he took 30 minutes. Sometimes, if he is exhausted, it will be quicker. Sometimes, if he is not tired, it can take upwards of 2 hours.

The room is fairly dark, although it could be darker. I'm going to look into getting some dark window coverings to see if that helps...

Originally Posted by Spring Lily 

You might want to try letting him do some water play before nap. Let him play in the sink or bathtub for awhile. Waterplay is very soothing and centering, and may help get him in the right mood.

Also, reducing sensation might help. Make sure the room is dark, maybe put on white noise that will help lull him to sleep. I'd also make sure the room (at least what he can see from bed) is tidied up. If they toys are laying out it is so tempting to jump down and play with them.

I have a few tricks I use with my kids, too. I lie down next to them and concentrate on making my breathing very steady, and loud enough for them to hear. Then I start closing my eyes. They do pick up on those cues, and usually it does tempt them into starting to close their eyes and relax a little, too.

You could also try a little routine before nap, like putting on a certain soothing, slow cd and giving him a gentle massage with baby lotion. It can help him get in touch with his body feeling relaxed and still, and I'm sure he'd eat up that attention.

These are all very good suggestions! Like I said above, I'm going to try and get something to make the room darker, and maybe one of those white noise machines or a fan or something (although I would worry about him knocking it over.)

We try a simple routine before nap, and bedtime... Sometimes he just seems so tired that we skip past it, and then he doesn't end up going to sleep. I will try all of these suggestions!

Originally Posted by JamieB 

I recommend the book "Sleepless in America" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  It helped us a lot!

Thank you! I will put it on hold at my library :D

[JuliMummy]

Good luck! Let us know how it goes...

[JuliMummy]

I just noticed there was a question in there -  My daughter is 17-and-a-half months.

You say he sleeps until 9:30 every morning. That is quite late. I wonder whether he is just one of those people (like my husband) who just don't get tired at night until really late and then sleep late in the morning. Also, if he sleeps that late in the morning, he might actually be getting enough sleep at night and not need a nap necessarily during the day. But I agree 16 months is still very early to lose the nap - for him and for you    What's he like on the days when he doesn't nap? Is he cranky and tired for the rest of the day, or is he fine?  Does he go to sleep more easily at night if he hasn't had a nap? I guess the problem with dropping the nap so early is that he is probably too young to understand the concept of quiet time, to give you a break during the day. But you never know, it might be worth a try - see if he's happy to play by himself for half an hour or so.

Anyway, just a few more thoughts...

Good luck!

[July09Mama]

Have you ever swaddled him? My dd slept swaddled all the time until about 9 months, and even now at 18 months I swaddle her if she is having trouble calming her body. She fights it, but almost immediately seems more relaxed. I actually swaddle her up and then lay my leg over her lower back/butt to hold her down and then side-lying nurse her to sleep, then ever-so-slowly and carefully take my leg off. Usually 5 or 10 minutes into her sleep, she starts to try to move and I unswaddle her and nurse her back down then, but it's much easier because she is already so drowsy. The whole thing takes about half an hour to an hour. I know some kids hate the swaddle, but if he was ever into it, you might want to bring it back.

[lovepiggie]

Sorry about not replying for so long! It has been a crazy week, and I've been sick, so not much time to get on the computer. On the days he doesn't nap, he is usually miserable by 3 pm and it's a fight to keep him awake until 7 or so. I like the idea of swaddling him, I've noticed that even when he is really sleepy, his legs keep kicking so maybe that's keeping him from calming down.. Do you have a recommendation for a swaddling blanket that is big enough for a toddler?

[lovepiggie]

Also, just wanted to add something... DH managed to 'reset' DS's sleep schedule on the weekend. I work during the day on Saturday and Sunday. And on both days, DS was up by 7:30 am, napped from about 11 to 12:30, and then in bed by 7:30 pm! Which was perfect! On Monday, DS was up at 6:30 am, but didn't nap until about 3 pm... On Tuesday, he was up at 7:00, and napped at around noon...And then today, up at 7:30, and napped from 3:30 to 6:30! Ugh! I only allowed it because I have the flu, and needed the nap too. So it seems that DS is only really able to nap when DH is around.